Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It takes a Wilderness

When baby-sitting five and two,
There's certain things you need to do
And certain friends you ought to keep
'Ere entering the forest deep.

Without a lion from the zoo
The woodsy path's a road to rue
When discipline and reading's boring
Someone has to start the roaring.

A shuffling, shrieking wild man
Is also good to keep at hand
When the way gets muddy or gets lost
The kids can still go forth as tossed.

No childcare council's fully strong
'Til a dinosaur has come along.
For little boys respect no laws
Not enforced with teeth and claws.

It takes a wilderness to watch two boys
Their tricks and turns and broken toys
But so it falls an uncle's duty...
(OK, sure, Uncle Doug said "doody.")

I tell you this so those who follow
Won't find themselves down in the hollow,
Scratched and sore and damp with pee
Fare well but it's too late for me.

BRAT, n. A sausage to be grilled or boiled in beer.


Karen said...

Tee Hee. Uncle Doug said pee

Jim said...

Doug, did you ever boil your brats in beer? I disagree with your word, "usually."
As far as I can see it is the people in the beer state of Wisconsin who are doing all of that beer boiling stuff.
Us good Germans in the Midwest mostly cook ours on the grill or boil.
We drannk--I'm outa' there and in Texas now--our beer and ate our brats. Likewise here in Texas.
I liked your poem. Are you sure your nephews aren't the brats we should be talking about?

Ariel the Thief said...

It is really funny to watch when two boys tear someone else into pieces. I can see the sentiment in the photo: you are envy of the buffalo's luck.

TLP said... sweet! You love it and you know it. (Also you show it.)

Cute, cute poem. Lucky Uncle, lucky little guys.

Anonymous said...

Lucky indeed. The boys have never had so much fun being tossed in the air, thrown onto beds and shaken, not stirred. They love their uncle dougie.

Nessa said...

Jim - you are correct. A good German drinks his beer, cooking in it only boils out the valuable alcohol in it which you need when babysitting.

I think that may be where you went wrong Doug. Not enough beer in the uncle.

Karen said...

Au contraire, Nessa et Jim!
une recette de ~

1/4 cup butter, 2 medium onions, sliced into thin rings, 4 garlic cloves, finely chopped (optional), 8 bratwurst links,
8 small, crusty hoagie rolls, whole-grain mustard, Dill pickle spears
3 to 4 (12-ounce) cans cheap beer (Wisconsin fans insist on Pabst Blue Ribbon)

Bon Appetit!

Anonymous said...

BRAT, n. - My nieces and nephews at times but I still love 'em and mi are truly a wonderful uncle...It's your doody :)

the amoeba said...

BRATWURST, n. A really bad day with the kids.

pia said...

Uncle Doug must be the greatest baby sitter around :)

Jim said...

I've seen the recipes. The critics mostly say there isn't any taste difference between cooking the brats in water or beer.
Anyone have some first hand taste knowledge?

actonbell said...

You are the wilderness.

BRAT--thought it was bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.

actonbell said...

Wonderful poem, Doug, loved it:)

Karen said...

I could have sworn that BRAT was "generally" grilled this morning.

quilly said...

Boiled in beer or broiled in butter, a brat is best when it's eaten. Bite them, Uncle Doug.

witiou Oh. IOU wit. Huh. Maybe next time.

Cooper said...

Love your "ode to a babysitter".

Brat however defined is not good for your health.

tsduff said...

Ah, the Sausage King (A.K.A Brat-sitter) has been revealed once again in all his curmudgeony glory to be just another beloved uncle. They keep us young, don't they Doug?

Doug said...

I did, Karen.

Jim, I always prefer my brats grilled, but boiling them in beer (Iowans also do that a fair bit) first gives a nice flavor.

Ariel, that lucky, lucky, fortunate buffalo. He became meat before he was dinner.

TLP, we've been having fun. I'll admit it. My sister makes terribly cute and overly peppy boys.

'Na, once in Australia I got caught in a flood and had to swim a swollen river to get home and I did get home with every muscle buzzing from the adventure. Today I'm going home sore.

Nessa, my brother-in-law should not be held responsible, then.

Karen, thank you for the defense, although I have to object to epicurious' description of PBR. It is inexpensive, not cheap.

Thom, it is my sacred doody.

More like an average one, Amoeba.

Pia, having me babysit raises the odds of both morbidity and immortality.

Jim, as I mentioned beer then grill is much better than water anywhere.

Actonbell, in Oregon it might be banana, rice, applesauce and tajikmelon or something.

You're correct, Karen. I edited.

Quilly, then I'd just end up with sore jaws.

True, Cooper.

Terry, it doesn't seem to be working on me.

Hobbes said...

Aww. A masterpiece.