Hog

Hog, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mohammedans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy of its habits, the beauty of its plumage and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is Porcus Rockefelleri. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

2006 Update: A discrete euphemism for a valued coworker.

Genuflection

Genuflection, n. Leg-service. The act of bending the knee to Him who so made it that the posture is unnatural and fatiguing.

2006 Update: A pious pose for the reverent contemplation of crime, commerce, conspiracy or cataclysm.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm proud to introduce, Dorene Lorenz. Dorene was asked to define Seward's Folly.

Seward's Folly, n. not getting a 25% handling fee when brokering a shady real estate transaction.

Just prior to the war, the United States agreed to purchase Alaska from Russia for $1.4 million. Secretary William Henry Seward needed to prevent England from breaking the blockade and declaring her sympathy for the Southern Confederacy. Seward dropped $5.8 million arranging for the Russian fleet to come to New York and San Francisco, a little muscle flexing that worked. The costs were rolled together, and a check for $7,200,000 was made out to Russia for "the Alaska purchase." Nobody was the wiser. Only difference between Tony Soprano and William H. Seward is that Soprano doesn't forget to make worth his while.

In January, Dorene posted this story on the topic.
About Dorene: An august dignitary gracing this site, Dorene is a member of the Seward City Council, mother of Casmir, an artist, a model and a fast poster. An Alaskan since 1965, at least fifteen years before she was born, Dorene writes about life, passes on jokes, talks politics and shows us pictures of her land and family on her weblog. Another site (click here) gives us her online biography, some of her artwork and photos of her and friends.

A few of her posts I especially enjoyed are here, here and here.

Don't miss some of Dorene's paintings here.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Ultimatum

Ultimatum, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

2006 Update: A post-dated formality.

Jockey

Jockey, n. A person whose business it is to ride and throw races.

2006 Update: v.i. To position oneself in racing for the lead, in commerce for the bet and in government for the denunciation of the horse

Fire and Ice, Part V

Story #37, the fifth and final chapter in a 2-part true story

To hear the story, pay homage to Pepsi







To read the story, follow me through the jungle.

And a couple of confessions: First, on further reflection I believe this was the summer of 1993, not 1992. Second, looking at a map, I think the Volcanoes were named Fire and Water, not Fire and Ice. So sue me.

Abandon

Abandon, v.t. To correct an erring friend or admonish a needy one. Of women the word abandoned is used in the sense of indiscreet.

2006 Update: To find the safety, prosperity or victory that another seeks.

Precocious

Precocious, adj. A four-year-old who elopes with his sister's doll.
Toyplayer?

2006 Update: Fermented while not yet ripe.

And an announcement: I'm brawlin' over at Sar's today.

Special Guest Wednesday

Friends, this week I'm proud to present Janet of The Art of Getting By. Janet was asked to define Gregarious.

gre·gar·i·ous, adjective
gre·gar·i·ous·ly, adverb
gre·gar·i·ous·ness, noun

1 a : tending to associate with others of one's kind, social
b : marked by or indicating a liking for companionship, sociable
c : of or relating to a social group

2 a: of a plant : growing in a cluster or a colony
b : living in contiguous nests but not forming a true colony or posse.

Used in a sentence: Thems my peeps, said the gregarious boy.

I find it interesting Doug chose me to define the word gregarious. After all, he has told me before that he tries, whenever possible, to match up the word with the person.

So I guess that means Doug sees me and my blog as gregarious entities. That's interesting.

When I think of the word social I think of two things; butterflies and drinking, though not necessarily in that order and definitely not together. I mean really. When's the last time you saw a drunk butterfly? And no, some lethargic dude in a pool attempting the backstroke doesn't count.

But seriously, butterflies are known as social beings, as are birds of a feather that flock together. But I guess it's the "of one's kind" thing that kinda irks me.

Am I a shallow social person in Doug's eyes? Do I only socialize on a level of snobbery? Am I really that much of a blogging elitist?!

Then again, if being gregarious does mean socializing with those like you, that would mean Doug is putting himself in the same, buzzed butterfly scenario. That makes me feel better.

There are also, I suppose, worse words to define. He could have given me something like "hermit" or "heinous". Then I would really have a complex.

About Janet: Janet is a teacher, counselor, blogrenter and award taker. And if you go read her blog, you get a free milkshake served with a smile. For those of us whose experience with school is limited to having been an inattentive pupil long ago, her site is very revealing of the thoughts of faculty. I never suspected they had them. Wonder if my teachers knew about my ditching and, ah, stuff.

Her blog, The Art of Getting By features Janet's thinking and writing in a friendly, inviting and interactive conversation about various topics, especially, but not limited to, school. Every Tuesday she has a "Tell Me Tuesday" which heightens the interactivity and a good time is had by all. The eloquence and organization of her posts make them good reading and food for thought. Janet's also as committed to interactivity and reciprocity as any blogger I know of. For all of these reasons, The Art of Getting By received the Best of Blogs award as the runner-up in the Best Overall Blog category, the only category, mind you, that shares initials with program itself. Thanks to gregarious Janet, neither heinous nor hermit-like (those words I reserve for myself, thank you so much) for bringing her august credibility over here and earning it again.

And for the record, I don't think Gregarious denotes shallow. Connotes is more appropriate, although not in this case.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Cat

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

This is a dog,
This is a cat.
This is a frog,
This is a rat.
Run, dog, mew, cat.
Jump, frog, gnaw, rat.
Elevenson

2006 Update: Rejection in a rabbit skin.

Announcement! Now is the time for all good men and women to come to the aid of the Pia. You can now vote for Pia for a Koufax Award for best writing by a lefty blogger. Click here. It's good for you.

Dog

Dog, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The Dog is a survival -- an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.



2006 Update: A creature of the eighth day demonstrating what can be accomplished when omnipotence and a fine rest are joined. Our noble cousin, Homo Mendicantus.

Fire and Ice, Part IV

Story #36, in which Doug finds trouble below the treeline.

To hear the story, fish Lake Atitlán






To read the story, sacrifice a virgin at Tikal.

Type

Type, n. Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying civilization and enlightenment, despite their obvious agency in this incomparable dictionary.

2006 Update: v.t. To speak through the fingers, toes or elbows the words of various organs.

Oblivion

Oblivion, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

2006 Update: The destination of a journey filled with learning, anticipation and wonder. See Morning.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week's guest is Kelley Bell, activist, philosopher, poet and mother. Kelley was asked to define Panther.

Panther, n. One of the great cats. A secretive and solitary predator, often idolized and emulated by humans. Florida panthers live in marsh lands and play on football fields, while black panthers roam dense forests and urban ghettos, and are generally active only at night.

Pan-thurr is also a formal term heard from cooks who speak with a lisp.

Antonym: Pink Panther. A lisping panther often mistaken for a flake.

About Kelley: Kelley seems to be first and foremost, an incorrigible do-gooder. A fundraiser for wildlife and domesticated life, friend to the falcon and the furry, a firey sister for women's rights and an innovative helper with her daughter's homework. Kelley writes several weblogs, including For Whom The Bell Tolls, Wildlife Rehab and Falconry, The Adventures of a Starving Artist, and Martial Arts and TCM (I have no idea- Kelley?) What I'm sure of is Kelley kicks butt, raises money, conjures ghosts, does yoga, explores and wears armor for the residents of the animal, spirit and female realms.

She's also a first-rate photojournalist. This story and this were the first of Kelley's narratives I read and inspired both fascination and her word assignment. Stunning pictures and elegant words. A cute story about Kelley and her daughter is here.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Disobey

Disobey, v.t. To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command.

His right to govern me is clear as day,
My duty manifest is to disobey;
And if that fit observance e'er I shun
May I and duty be alike undone.

-Israfel Brown.

2006 Update: To substitute one's resentment for another's malice.

Zoölogy

Zoölogy, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca Maledicta). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we learn (L'Histoire generale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horn every two years.

2006 Update: The system by which a shark may be distinguished from a panther by length of tail or theme music. With high precision practitioners of Zoology can distinguish among mammals, lemming from sloth from baboon, almost immediately upon election.

Fire and Ice, Part III

Story #35, in which Doug descends.


To hear the story, put out the fire.


To read the story, receive the king of the hill.

Esteem

Esteem, n. The degree of favorable regard that is due to one who has the power to serve us and has not yet refused.
2. Payment in full for a benefaction.

2006 Update: The full armor of neurosis.

Despatches

Despatches [SIC], n. pl. A complete account of all the murders, outrages and other disgusting crimes which take place everywhere, disseminated daily by an Associated Press for the amelioration of the world in general.

2006 Update: A host of trumpets announcing the trysts of celebrity to the archangels.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm proud to introduce you all to Armen Pirjanian who defined the word,
Mischief.

Mischief, n. 1. Companion to that last shot of bad tequila you know you should not have, but have anyways.
2. The patron saint of boys 3-12 years old.

About Armen: Armen was born in Iran, raised in Canada and moved to Southern California in search of a life of the mind. He now resides in Glendale, California which is more or less his ancestral home of Armenia only with less genocide. He is a formulator with Amgen and a coworker of Sonia's, who you met a few weeks back.

Having met Armen a few times I can tell you he's funny, engaging, enthusiastic and married to a very patient woman, Aileen. His politics slant just to the left of hard left and Armen is a partisan's partisan. Although not a sports fan by nature, he follows the Maple Leafs like Catholics follow dogma. Although Armen and I line up on different sides of many issues, we agree that The Godfather Trilogy was the apex of movie-making, including the third one, and don't want to hear any back talk.

Armen is a notorious kebab pusher and it's through his good offices that I found Rafi's which I recommend to anyone in the Glendale area, except vegetarians with whom I rarely speak. I'm told he is also an admirer of Alton Brown's chicken stuffing, although not what that means. He used to podcast and I believe with a little pushing might become a blogger. A virtuous man, Armen despises disingenuousness regardless of which sin he applies the word to.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Newtonian

Newtonian, adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

2006 Update: Subject to inertia and accusations of liberal bias.

Commerce

Commerce, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

2006 Update: An exchange in which things of value prosper by falling into the grasping hands of strangers.

Remember to vote inThe Koufax AwardsOur Pia is a worthy candidate in the Best Blog-non-professional and the Best writer categories. You vote in the comments section. According Alice Omnipotent Poobah is also a candidate and I hope to find the category and vote for him as well today.

Fire and Ice, Part II

Story #34, in which Doug discovers the cabin's secret.

To hear the story, come to the cabin

To read the story, click the volcanoish thingy.

I'm told voting is open for The Koufax Award I'm voting for Pia as the best writer of a lefty blog. You vote in the comments section

Vanity

Vanity, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

They say that hens do cackle loudest when
There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;
And there are hens, professing to have made
A study of mankind, who say that men
Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen
Make the most clamorous fanfaronade
O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid
They're not entirely different from the hen.
Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold,
His blazing breeches and high-towering cap --
Imperiously pompous, grandly bold,
Grim, resolute, an awe-inspiring chap!
Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue
Is that in battle he will never hurt you?
-Hannibal Hunsiker

2006 Update: 1. The love that doth purge.
2. Creating a website to hold the contents of your weblog.

Un-American

Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

2006 Update: Indigenous.

Besondere Gaest Mittwoch*

*I think

This weeks guest, at long last and in due course is The Ice Queen, mädchen Monika. Monika was given the word Polyandry. Here is her response:

Remember January 4th, 2006? No?
Well, it was the day the host of this blog decided to threaten us with a shut down. I was two months younger and believed many things, so he kinda black-mailed me into doing this. Now, here I am, rewarding his bad behaviour. But the guy seems to have trouble coming up with definitions on Wednesdays, so I felt we oughta give him a break. Besides, he has puppy eyes!

The word I got?
Polyandry!
What in the name of Thor...?

Doug mentioned that word to me once and I thought it had something to do with Pollyanna. I should have known better!
Let´s think about it: poly=more than one
Andros=man
Ladies, need I go on?

So here it goes:
1) absurdly, less common than polygyny. Which just makes me mad and reminds me of days back in Highschool. When a guy is busy playing the field, he is a stud. When a girl does it, she becomes a lady of monetary affection.
2) the Old Testament says: It is OK!
3) An alternative to many short-comings
4) the only quick way to receive multiple “Yes!” (es)
5) or what many call a Saturday night in Reykjavik

If you are interested, I advise a trip to Tibet, Zanskar, Nepal, Sri Lanka or Yunnan in China!

For me it is just a lot of Homogamus!

And might I just add: It has been such an honour just to be nominated amongst those of you who haven´t special-guested yet, but to win the Wednesday post this week has truly been orgasmic!

About Monika: Monika virtually approached these shores way back in the olden days when this site was white-on-black and no-one could actually read the words. When I realized I had been read by someone from Iceland I went to her site to beg her to sign my guestmap, knowing I would then have the coolest one. This was the start of a long and beautiful friendship, leading to her adoption by my father a mere week ago.

Lovely in words and pictures, Monika is merely stunning for the openness of her heart. After sharing so much of her candor, trials, tribulations and joys it wasn't hard to start calling her "Sis". Monika started life in the former East Germany, the oldest of seven children of a single mother. From there she found a new and truer family with her adoptive mother, Sabina. It's a wonderful story and no wonder she aggregates family so fast. Under the expert tutelage of Miz Bohemia, Monika's been vamping up nicely as suits her new single status if not her new big brother.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

Oh, and March Hare, March Hare!