Monday, May 29, 2006


ARTLESSNESS. n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his youth.

2006 Update: The temporary assignment of the tongue to the heart most often attributed to a man lying on his death bed or a woman rising from the marital one.

Happy Memorial Day to whoever celebrates it. Mainly gringos I think. To the rest of you, have a hot dog. We make no distinction between the terrorists and those who eat like them.


Indeterminacy said...

Artlessness: having a blog and not posting to it.

Indeterminacy said...

Appendum: though actual posting would in most cases make no difference.

Tom & Icy said...

Writing a blog and talking just after sex about it, similar, artless, meaningless except to pass the time.

Mikki Marshall said...

artlessness, n a blank canvas. a person yet to be marred by life's color spills.

see naivete

Doug The Una said...

Indie, I think you have two more days of blogcation, pal.

Lammy, those are good examples.

Still Life, I kind of remember what you're talking about. Cynicism is its own naivete.

Minka said...

This was funny. I ready your word of today as alertness first. When I read teh comments they made no sense at all. I wondered what was going on!
so the word for today is artlessness? Well, as soon as I have my alertness checked I´ll get back to you on that one!

Minka said...

Let´s call a spade a spade:
artlessness are all those pictures to me that I can paint myself. You know the type! A circle and a square, a bit of blue and yellow rings a bell, doesn´t it!

Kyahgirl said...

Hey, Fat Penguin....Oh, I mean Minka-I'm with you on your definition-I'm totally 'artless'

mireille said...

So true about the hot dogs. Because if we don't eat them, the terrorists win. ♥ xoxo Also: Gracie, of George and Gracie. My personal Heroine.

Doug The Una said...

Minka, I love that definition for alertness. The mistake was mine. If you're including Rothko, I disagree. The fantasy I rarely have in which I actually do something to my house I have myself painting like Rothko on the walls. Somber and colorful, that's how I roll.

Kyahgirl, I doubt it.

Never again, Mireille. Never again!

Anonymous said...

I looked at your bloggers for social change post and got all jealous because at first I thought there was a bloggers social cause without me. Then I remembered, this is a Doug post.

Then I got all jealous because two of the Pez's met Sar in Intercourse--was a big joke when I was 11. Not the Pez's or Sar

Rothko was demented in his later years. Am jealous of any people under 80 who don't think about dementia

Am jealous of anybody who owns a washer/dryer, dishwasher, has more than one closet--kay it's a room but...

Excuse me for exhibiting such artlesness behavior on such a revered and classy site

Mutha said...

I'm with Doug on two points here:
Indie has two more days on blogcation (some of us are jonesin' here Indie)
Minka, if you're talking about Rothko and his Abrstract Expressionist brothers, I beg to disagree. Those New York City, late 50's, early 60's boys are my heros (artistically that is, seperate from the wife-beating, etc).

"Artlessness" has a flip-side, I think. A kind of back-handed compliment aspect, as in to be without pretention -- as in "nice try."

Anonymous said...

It all began at the age of innocence
When beauty around me mesmerized my every senses
In a time where curiosity prevailed
And where I wondered how splendid it would all become
Fragile happiness of the lighthearted
Weightless, sparkling with unfoldment, sheltered
Passionated with blooming hopes of artlessness

Anonymous said...

I can't draw either. My circles look pretty sad and my lines have been compared to squiggly marks. I won't even discuss my stick people. I can, however, color a mean Disney coloring book. Maybe I'm not so artless. Cool.

Logophile said...

Artlessness~ Those early years of adulthood when one's wall decor has far more to do with one's income than one's taste.

I will not be eating hot dogs, its all about the circular hunks of cow meat as far as I am concerned.

Ariel the Thief said...

ROTFL @Mireille.

Unknown said...

Douglas, have you made a typo by typing 'practice' twice? Now you will say that's how it was in the original because you copied/pasted Ambrose's definition. You are one helluva Artful Dodger

vzscv: vizkid, some resume

Doug The Una said...

Pia, I promise not to start any social justice movements without inviting you. Bloggers for Bulgaria: You with me?

Mutha, thank you for helping me to shame Indie. I don't think Minka meant Rothko, I was maybe being a little "helpful."

Shayna, I love that, especially the last line. I nearly understand it, even.

Jenna, the little blue pill is never artless.

Logo, now is not the time to cut and run.

Yup, Ariel.

I will not, Karma. It was a typo. I made it. How was I supposed to know people actually read this stuff?

Jamie Dawn said...

Very good one, Doug.

"Are you really gonna wear THAT?"

"That can't be the Golden Gate bridge. It isn't even golden and there's no gate."

"I sure wish Teddy Kennedy could be re-elected President. One term was just not enough."

G said...

Thanks for your alertness Doug - it surely saved my sanity.

Anonymous said...

Did someone mention hot dogs?

I loooove hot dogs.

Oh...artlessness...not tactlessness. Damn.

Alana said...

Artlessness is ONLY offering up hot dogs at your BBQ. Come on Doug, you can be more creative than that!

And Minka, I read Alertness to until had my coffee and became a little more alert.

Anonymous said...

wait. are we talking about artlessness? as in "having art" vs not having art? being "naive" with regards to art? or, in Life, with and/or without art? is it wondering what all this artistic crap means, in the larger scheme of things? finally, is it "artless" not to know? or just... naive?

i have a headache. no hot dogs for me... not only am i burdened (or not) with artlessness, i'm a vegetarian.

Fred said...

I'm giving my brain the summer off, so I have nothing to add.

Miz BoheMia said...

Artlessness... Damn Blogging Chicks said I was TOO MUCH for their blogroll... I think I scared them but hey, submitting at a time when talk is of sperm and boobies and you have a totally artless bohemian!


Ooooh! Tongue to the heart? Is there licking involved!


And with that, ciao for now! Sizzlin'!

Kyahgirl said...

uh Fred? I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Your blogcation is just about over too isn't it?

I hope your comment was just an example of your endearing artlessness :-)

Doug The Una said...

Haha, Jamie Dawn. Four more years!

G, my pleasure. When I'm alert they sound sirens to celebrate, I think.

Hey, LBP! Hurray!

Poetic, Cowgirl. A good memorial day to you, ma'am.

Squaregirl, don't expect tofu.

Puppytoes, this is another reason to be thankful you're here. I don't use this word either but it means "without artifice," candid. I really like the word and I'm glad you asked.

Fred, I'm glad that didn't stop you from posting.

What blogging chicks said you were too much, Miz B? I mean, you're sure enough a lot but we can handle you. By and large.

Kyahgirl, he posted! I should have posted that Fred posted. The drought has ended and there's thunder in the hills.

Kyahgirl said...

Yay, thanks Doug. I was just there last week and moping around feeling Fredless.

The amoeba said...

ARTLESSNESS, n. The state of Paul Simon's solo career. [Hold your fire.] The state of my apartment; any art I have is in storage. The state of my sex ... no, sorry, that's nonexistence. Another time.

Alana said...

Tofu??? At a BBQ? You seem to be mistaking me for one of those hipsters who think they're groovy because they live in Silverlake.

Let me remind you that I'm square and squares don't even try to be groovy or hip.

Mikki Marshall said...

Good Question Puppytoes (that rings so nicely). I played (tried to play)the twist on innocence...hmmmm

Doug that's a mind bender--the naive cynic.

Sar said...

Artlessness: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art!

I blame the residual Ammish odiforous decalcitration for my dain bramage.

Minka said...

kyahgirl, where you trying to break the ice? That is so sweet of you. We should paint a picture together...we could push artlessness to new heights :)

Anonymous said...

Hot Dogs- shame on you put that hot dog down.

He who believes Doug has any degree of artlessness about him is a fool

Minka said...

squregirl, now see we two would get along. Both reading alertness before thinking. Quick question: Tea or coffee, flora or fauna, green or yellow?

mutha...I did not mean can put the burning stake away right now- *pheu*
I am what a bycicle is to a fish when it comes to looking at modern art. Don´t get me wrong I love art and paintings. Spend quite some time in galleries, but if I stand infront of a picture that I could paint myself it loses its attraction to mystery to me. A circle and a square with two colours around them, just don´t do it for me. But I am the first one to acknowledge that I am an artless person and not very creative to begin with. It´s like music...some things I just can´t listen too or don´t get. But juts becuase I don´t get it or don´t enjoy it, doesn´t reduce its value to other people.
and now I´ll be off checking Rothko...

Doug The Una said...

Kyahgirl, fred no more.

O Ceallaigh, don't women in Maine care about the environment?

Just so we understand each other, Squaregirl.

Still Life, a bent mind is a beautiful mind.

Darn Ahmish and their decalcitration! (?)

Minka, you two paint it and I'll wear it.

Cooper, actually my degree is in artlessness. Economics to be exact.

Haha, Minka. Good brain-teaser material there. And I think I'm supposed to be like a fish to a bicycle.

Minka said...

I checked Rothko and I am torn...between my will to live and to be honest. So I´ll just say: no comment.
I´ll be extra alert for the next few days in case revenge is coming my way.
I knew art would be the death of me :)

Jamie Dawn said...


Never having to say you're sorry.

Ooops! the word was artlessness. Oh well. My bad.

Ted Kennedy would never have made a mistake like that.

Mutha said...

No harm no foul Minka. I am glad you went and checked out my boy Rothko. If you ever get the urge to sniff around some more go look at Motherwell or Pollock. Honesty! Honesty! Everyone is allowed to pin their own "ARTLESS" ribbon on whom ever they like -- or don't like, to be more acurate.

Kyahgirl said...

Minka-of course I was trying to break the ice, that's what penguins want, right? I left a comment for you at my place too.

Anonymous said...

Confusing lay and lie so as to generate images of men rising to various occasions on their death beds.

Doug The Una said...

Minka, of all the reasons to take revenge on you that hardly registers.

Hahaha, Jamie Dawn. I needed that before I face Weirsdo and her education.

Just so they do it without pretense, right Mutha?

Thank you, Doc. Correction made. And another that Karma was artful enough to email me regarding.

G said...

I believe Cooper called me a fool. I know you are but what am I?

G said...

Actually, I am a fool! Due to blog problems earlier that were not really blog problems, I quickly read this and read it as alertness. Now, Artlessness is the partial state of my walls Post Renovation (and no, that is not a period in Art that I know of, just a constant state in my world). Cooper if you are Alice (I am new here) Happy Birthday to you!

Say Good Night Dick!

S said...


Ok that's not a problem at my house, I got lots o art...but when I walk into someones house, and they have posters and shit on the wall from IKEA, or some kitty or puppy or ewww...that guy that does the little cottages with flower boxes, you know, the one with actual stores in malls with his paintings......

Now, that is Artlessness

Indeterminacy said...

Doug! I said "in June"! I didn't say which day!

Ariel the Thief said...

artlessness: "I scratch wherever it's itching"

everybody has the right to have whatever they feel good with on their walls. I have holes on mine.

Minka said...

ariel, I have holes on mine too and one picture put is still waiting to find a spot, three childhood pictures still need frames... I can´t find the hammer! But I am getting quite used to this arrangement of art in my place. :)

mutha I will check those out as well...I actually saw a painting by Rothko that I like dvery much...I am surprised. New realms of art have opened for me.

Doug, whatever did I do to you that you would like to take revenge on? :) Bring it on...I work out! :) And I love the word for today, where is it by the way?

Doug The Una said...

Goodnight, Dick! Cooper is Alice, but I think her birthday is the 31st. At least it was last year.

Barefoot Mistress, Puppies are so too art! Especially when they're tired.

Indie, when I want your opinion I'll give it to you. June 1 I sez! Besides, where will the next generation of Waking Ambroses come from without Synchronicity of Indeterminacy as a model?

Haha, Ariel. Over here we call those windows.

Minka, I guess I know what I did for you to take revenge on. Teh word is up now.

Minka said...

You spelled "The" wrong on purpose didn´t you?! You gonna pay for that, Pascover! :)

Doug The Una said...

Minka, what form will your revenge take? Buried to my neck in homonyms and eaten by smilies?

Minka said...

how did you know? I´ll put a couple of oxymorons in your mouth as well, so you´ll remember what opposition means and suffer its consequences!

G said...

Minka - taht's funny stuff!

Minka said...

Why, thank you "g". Clearly I have quite an imaginative idea of purgatory;)

Indeterminacy said...

I'm glad I'm not working for you!

Also I forgot to specify which year the June is in.

If I have anything to post I'll post it Friday or Saturday. Is that a fair compromise?

I'm glad when people flee my blog that they come to you.

Doug The Una said...

Minkchen, I know a thing or two about opposition.

G, Minka's hysterical. Even her latest bad day post has funny parts.

Minka, you didn't hear that.

Indie, who says you don't work for me? I clicked on your ads many times. And no-one fled your blog. They're killing time. Waiting. Waiting.

Indeterminacy said...

Doug: are you sure you've been visiting my blog? I dont have any ads. What url have you been going to?