Monday, May 08, 2006


MORTALITY, n. The part of immortality that we know about.

2006 Update: The inspiration for horn-honking, bird-flipping, fellow-shoving, clock-watching, speeding, sulking, line-cutting and lane-changing. The consideration impelling us towards early arrival.


Mutha said...

Mortality: The great leveler.

Inspiring sage advice, such as "You can't take it with you,"; whistling in the dark strategies such as refusing to write up a will; and also, jokes -- such as, "You can't be buried in that graveyard if you live in this town...You have to be dead first."

Anonymous said...

Watching the tide rise and fall reminds me... of our mortality.
Our days are few
So hold close to the time we have, in this life.
Into your hands...I commend myself
A sacrifice, a path of life that pacifies to reveal the beauty of this life.
Watching the sunrise and set fills me with realization...I want to do what's right.
I struggle, I want to say what's right, I struggle.
Everything you do comes back to you.
What have you done with the life that you've been given?

Sar said...

Mortality: I'm just dying to see what everyone comes up with for this, 'cause I've got nothing.

Kyahgirl said...

Mortality-a great motivator!

Sar, I read in a book once that a stiletto in the eye could be an effective way to introduce a bad guy to the concept of mortality-you're all set.

Doug The Una said...

Mutha, I love the joke. Also a better-than-average policy.

Shayna, that's beautiful. Is it a lyric, poetry? A Shayna original?

Clever shoe, Sar

Hold on Kyahgirl, couldn't that work just as well on a good guy? Shoes don't kill people, long conversations do.

The amoeba said...

MORTALITY, n. The ultimate blackout. Among the things in life which you get only once, and you want less. Antonym: VITALITY. See VIAGRA.

The commute must have been even more deadly than usual?

TLP said...

Mortality is often used as an adj., as in, mortality rate,. I don't get it, because the final mortality rate is always 100 percent. Everyone dies.

Mortality is the cause of all religion. If you are afraid of your mortality, you definitely need a religion.

Miz BoheMia said...

That TLP is one wise lady!

Mortality... cause of denial of many a plastic lady and the ever-increasing trend of men joining the ranks of the plastic people...

Anonymous said...

Mortality is going to be the death of me. Sigh.

Unknown said...

as any good Hindu will tell you, Douglas, it is only the physical body that dies. the soul lives on, and occupies another body, somewhat like discarding old clothes for new ones, and then that new 'life' is determined by karma, or the result of past deeds both good and bad.

so, who wants my body?

txjrcz: its taxing for the jerks who can't sleep

Jamie Dawn said...

Being aware of one's mortality causes two extremes:
1. Caution: eat your veggies, a low-fat diet, never drive fast, don't climb onto the roof.
2. Abandon: What the heck! You only live once.

Doug The Una said...

O Ceallaigh, I wrote this before my commute. The definition would have been much more pro in tone otherwise.

TLP, are you saying religion is the hemlock of the masses?

Miz B, mortality is gravity? For the record, I'm all me and then some.

Jenna, to quote Hank Williams, "No matter how I struggle and strive, I'll never get out of this world alive."

Karma, that sounds like a lot of work to avoid salad-eating. What if you come back as a rabbit? It sounds like it's your spirit that's available.

Jamie Dawn, 3. Blog your life so your time at the computer, at least, will be remembered.

The amoeba said...

your time at the computer, at least, will be remembered.

So you really think that, after the holocaust, the surviving tribes will have a clue what to do with all those pretty iridescent little disks? They don't even throw well, and they don't kill anything they hit.

Kyahgirl said...

hey, I like that #3 Doug. good one.

and yeah, that TLP, she is one wise cookie!!

Ariel the Thief said...

mortality is to keep boredom away, it doesn't always work, though.

TLP, you are so right. I'm dead frightened of my mortality, and I definitely need a religion, I'm interested in any solution.

Ariel the Thief said...

mortality is also to keep us from eating each other alive.

Doug The Una said...

O Ceallaigh, don't underestimate blogs as potential cave paintings.

Thanks, Kyahgirl, TLP's the sharpest tool in the shed.

Ariel, mortality is also what makes us taste so good. If I may make a recommendation, Karma's religion offers the opportunity to become a cow. That's good evangelism.

Unknown said...

hard work never killed anyone, darling. karma decides what one comes back as. so sorry i had to bring you back as a dog :P

glad to see there's help for the challenged in the word verificationer, thats really cool. still trying to figure out how that would work, though

Kyahgirl said...

karma, there's nothing wrong with coming back as a dog! I have a girl friend who says 'man, if I have to be reincarnated, I want to come back as YOUR dog kyahgirl!'

I suppose it would suck to come back as a dog in China though. everything is relative.

The Village Idiot said... that a trick question...

Mortality: Things you think about in the nanosecond between the time your foot goes into the front whee. and you land on your back in the middle of the trail with your bike bouncing ahead of you....

Miz BoheMia said...

Mortality is gravity to those who know no better... they are in denial because ultimately

Mortality is the final post-it note,the "shatterer" of all illusions...

Jamie Dawn said...

I've been thinking that the opposite of mortality should be unmortality. It makes sense to me, but then I'm partly hick now.

LeMas. said...

mortality-the reason to wake up every morning.

CozyMama said...

take one day at a time!!! Life is too short, enjoy.

Lila said...

Karma, I pity the fool who gets my body next!

Miz BoheMia said...

Mortality's for the body... the worms have first dibs on mine... unless instructions are followed and it is burned.

Mortality... a good laugh for the soul and hence, a joke.

Ariel the Thief said...

ok everybody, Sophie Marceau's body is taken. look for other next places to come back.

Doug The Una said...

Karma, TLP explained it about a week back. It reads numbers that have places on the keypad they associate with.

Mortality=Equality. Nice, Cowgirl and welcome home. Fun was had, I take it.

Kyahgirl, I want to come back as my own dog. Wait, I guess we both kind of did.

Village Idiot, a nanosecond after in my case.

Miz B, it's an illusion that I'll stay this pretty?

Jamie Dawn, demortalation?

Masil, not every morning.

Amen, Jodes.

Aral, they're called worms.

So, Miz B, flames for your body, what for your soul?

Ariel, you make me wish I made dirty jokes in this space.

Logophile said...

Ok, you made me think of one of my favorite comedians, must quote.
“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”
Mitch Hedberg

Minka said...

1)The perfect reason to assume that man is not made in the image of God. ´Cause regarless of how often we declare him dead, someone always brings him back to life!
2)food for worms!

Minka said...

Oh...and sorry for my absence. Thought you might have gotten worried. Anyways...I was stuck with three kids for the weekend...waterfalls and everything. Got the pictures to prove it;)

Doug The Una said...

Actonbell, here's Bierce's definition of funeral:
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

The savage dies — they sacrifice a horse
To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse.
Our friends expire — we make the money fly
In hope their souls will chase it to the sky.
—Jex Wopley

Call that a preview of coming attractions. I could have posted it tomorrow but people would think I'd received a diagnosis.

It's the great irony, Cowgirl. A person gets less immortal as they age.

That's funny, Logo. He seems to have a following amond bloggers. I'd never heard of him anywhere else.

Minka, worms and funeral directors as noted. Glad to hear you're okay. I take your comment as a promise to post the pictures.

Anonymous said...

For all you humans it is the great equalizer and the only thing you know for sure from the second you are will die.

For me....something else.

Unknown said...

oh, k-girl, don't get me wrong - i love dogs! that's why i keep petting Doug. dog: as you type, so shall you reap

ap3: i'm a fool to have this body

yayyyy! the village idiot spoke to me for the first time! now, what was the question again?

Kyahgirl said...

karma-I'm so glad you like dogs, because, well, in case you didn't notice, I have a bit of the canine in me too :-)

Mistress Anna said...

Mortality: The realization the ticking clock of death exists.

Religion: Knows the clock is there, but it's kind of irrelevant.

Extreme-Sport Enthusiasts - Taunt death to speed up the clock

The clock gets louder with each passing year. According to my father...speeds up after 30..Who knew?

Doug The Una said...

Alice, I thought I recognized the marl of the beast on your first avatar.

Karma, woof!

I hear you, sister Kyah.

Anna, I'm having trouble hearing you ever the clang. A little louder?

Indeterminacy said...

Mortality: The one thing you can't spin.