Thursday, July 13, 2006


PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

2006 Update: Someone who, having taken an orchard by guile, offers the former tenant applesauce.

Announcement: Bon Voyage and safe travels to Karma. Before leaving Karma left me this link at which individuals can register with CNN and the Indian Broadcasting Network. CNN and IBN has offered to donate 1 Rupee to victims of the Mumbai train disaster for each person who "lights a candle" there.


Anonymous said...

Philanthropist: What I hope to be when I grow up (except the bald part).

Anonymous said...

...oh, and...I'M FIRST! For the first time...I am rich indeed!

Anonymous said...

joel, you're always first in my heart, honey! (and i'm not just saying that to be kind)

Philanthropist: one who tries to buy his own pearly set of gates.

Anonymous said...

or set of "pearly gates".

Philanthropist: one bored out of his (gold) mine.

Em said...

Philanthropist: Emailing someone back before the year is up.

Mo'a said...

I know someone who will dust those "pearly gates" for you cute little puppy :0 not Mother we have always said to her that she will miss getting in through the gates, because she is so busy dusting them.

Philanthropist: one who holds the gates open for Mother

G said...

mo'a - I believe my mother's ironing the curtains for them.

Philanthropist: one who gives in order that she may receive (see IRS Tax Code 058.960.47).

Mistress Anna said...

Someone with more money than brains(sometimes). These people are also known to frequent
Charity Galas where they are wined and dined.

The Village Idiot said...

Gates, did someone mention gates?

Anonymous said...

mistress: or is that *whined* and dined?

VI: yep! by the way... you were too too funny yesterday (and congrats on the caption nomination!)

oops! sorry doug, i was feeling generous there... i know yesterday was my day to do "guest moderating", but did you hear the one about the girl who drove out to long island for a THREE-HOUR lunch tour? not to mention her 2 1/2 hour drive back home, through torential rains, no less?? am i whining?? give me money. i'll stop.

Doug The Una said...

Man, you people are cynical.

Joel, a philanthropist might have mentioned a missing comrade, but no matter. Well done.

Oh, nice, Puppy! Someone living behind iron gates hoping for pearly ones. "Bored out of his mine" is brilliant too. Kind of sexist, though.

Uh, Em, I'll get back to you on that. (sorry)

Great definition, Mo'a.

G, what goes on in heaven that they need curtains on the windows? It sounds like a trick!

Mistress Anna, so human kindness overflows where the cups run over? Not surprising when you think about it.

Not Bill, V.I. I'll call you when computer code comes up.

OK, Puppybrose, for everyone who clicks on me personally today I'll donate 1 rupee to buy you a helicopter.

Anonymous said...

Ah un-philanthropic of me not to mention the absence of our dear resident Penguin in today's top spot. Minka can you ever forgive me? Doug you are correct to chide...evidence to confirm that I have not yet grown into the title that I seek.

mireille said...

Not the worst thing you can do with piles of money earned through investing other people's money, or by creating a software monopoly. xoxo

The Village Idiot said...

Puppy, I have a car named the SS Minnow I can donate to you should the need arise

Mireille -- agreed, there are much worse things you can do with boatloads of money earned through a monopoly.

Anonymous said...

d'oh! i, too am remiss. for i failed to heartily congratulate YOU, doug, for your own hilarious caption nomination.

apparently joel and i deserve each other. take back your rupees...i'm not worthy.

acpifc: pacific (i know it's not clever... but it is a good ocean)

Anonymous said...

Philanthropy: Volunteering a week at the St. Croix Camp for girls with 13 juvenile offenders.

Philanthropy: Teaching your sister how to drive.

Anonymous said...

Philanthropy: giving until it hurts and/or or the cameras turn off.

G said...

cj, were you one of the juvies?

Anonymous said...

*L* NO g, I volunteered because the therapist that was up at the "girls camp" went for lunch one day and never came back. I volunteered to go, I figured "How bad could it be?"

Mistress Anna said...

puppybrose: definintely some whining goes a long way:)
Doug: There is no altruistic act. Philanthropy veils greed, schmoozing and networking and sometimes prolestizing of religion.

Mutha said...

Philanthropist: the vessel through which the institutionalization of Robin Hoodism lives. In return: good feelings, entrance to Heaven, boosted PR, a get-out-of-jail-free card, a great weight lifted.

The Village Idiot said...

Now, I need you all to exercise your philanthropic selves and give me 5 Idiot Songs over here

Logophile said...

philanthropy~ a love of mankind
see also

word veri~ ovsup
eggs for dinner

The amoeba said...

PHILANTHROPIST, n. P. T. Barnum disguised as Mother Theresa. One who turns dross (see WINDOWS) into gold, and then doles out the gold to those who curtsey correctly. A living exponent of the principle "the end justifies the means" - even when the means includes bombing your competitor's oil rigs, Mr. Rockefeller.

Is anybody out there besides me disturbed when a Warren Buffet creates a megafoundation to "get governments to do the right thing"? The right thing, of course, to be decided by Mr. Buffet, not by a vote of We the People.

I thought this country abolished royalty.

The amoeba said...

That's the problem with your definition, Doug. The new orchardist offers the applesauce to East Timor refugees, while the former tenant starves.

Doug The Una said...

Joel, I wouldn't have said anything but for today's word. Go forth and sin no more.

MIreille, as opposed to starting a perfume factory?

Puppybrose, the concensus seems to be that you deserve each other.

CJ, or bringing cartons of cigarettes?

Puppybrose, yup.

That's too bad, Mistress, I hoped it was a way to meet women.

Mutha, no human industry is that efficient.

V.I. Idiot songs are pretty easy to come by.

Logo, how could you leave out "Trollop" with our poor Jenna Howard wandering the streets of Southern California?

O Ceallaigh, I thought you were as a cynical about We The People as Buffet. Just with a smaller foundation.

Logophile said...

Doug, I would never dream of using your pet name, would seem so presumptuous.

mireille said...

dougie (may I call you dougie? why not?), you have a point re that perfume factory. That's a sore spot among fragrance lovers, that many of the classic formulas have come under the world domination of conglomerates, who are busy reformulating them so they can use less expensive ingredients, foul up the original scent and up the profit margin. None of these perfume factories seem to demonstrate much in the way of becoming philanthropists. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Nah I didn't get them any cartons of smokey treats either... Really I was there for the betterment of society, and a better tan. :)

Tom & Icy said...

You can't help the needy without giving to the greedy because they sneak around and stick their fingers in the pie somehow.

dddragon said...

Bon Voyage to Karma!

Love your definition, Doug!

Locally, it's TLP.

The amoeba said...

CNN and IBN has offered to donate 1 Rupee to victims of the Mumbai train disaster for each person who "lights a candle" there.

Light a lot of candles folks.

1 INR = $US 0.02. And falling.

Be a philanthropist and put in your two cents' worth.

TLP said...

Bangkok? Not one night in Bangkok, but a whole week? Ah...could be fun!

If charity cost nothing, the world would be full of philanthropists. (Jewish saying I believe.)

Doug The Una said...

Logo, my love is for the whole world to enjoy. That's why it runs so thin.

Mireille, maybe it would help if the Church took over the perfume-making.

CJ, you are a saint among sunworshippers.

Lammy, every trough has a big hog.

Dddragon, I actually think TLP is more of a philfelinist.

O Ceallaigh, you have two cents for us, surely you the bomb victims need it nearly as much.

TLP, that's a great saying whoever's it is.

Anomie, that is so true. In the mid-90s I was a project coordinator at the one Freedom Parkway surrounds at $7/hour. I'm certain half the time was donated. My solitaire skills were worth at least double that wage.

Actonbell, please consider the Society for Benevolent Euthanasia in your will. As a charity, probably not for power-of-attorney.

Anonymous said...

Philanthropist - someone likely to engage in the pity f--k.

Anonymous said...

ignored not once... but TWICE????

hmpfff. next time remind me to wrap my comment in parchment paper and tie it off with a gold lamé

Philanthropist: the name of the strings often attached to the gift.

Anonymous said...

and, no, they're not always gold lamé.

Doug The Una said...

Oh, good grief, Puppytoes. I need to pay more attention. "A four-bit whore on a two-bit date" is hysterical and better than I could have done. And I've been on more than a few two-bit dates, too.

Cooper, so you agree with Bierce that a philanthropist is always male.

Anonymous said...

oooh... touché, doug. now, what's that say about all those 2-bit dates you've been on?

Jamie Dawn said...

Philanthropist: One who gives Koolaid to the needy, instead of cups of cold water, then pays for their dental bills.

tsduff said...

Thank you all for your definitions today - I'm a wiser one for it. I could not come up with one myself.

Anonymous said...

Philanthropist: One who gilds the world to bask in glory.

Anonymous said...

all philanthropists are quiet tonight. apparently all the good that can be done... has been done. (that, or everyone's out wreaking havoc in order to have something to do tomorrow.)

Ariel the Thief said...

philanthropy: what's in the 6th beer.

Anonymous said...

Philanthropist - A rich white person whose conscience just kicked in

"Behind every great fortune there is a crime"
Honore de Balzac

PS - ive been dying to do a post with that name eversince SS told me it came up in one of your convos


Doug The Una said...

That I overpaid, Puppybrose.

a4g, no greater love can a man have for his fellows than to cuss his children.

Jamie Dawn, that is nice.

Very gracious, Terry. You are philanthropy itself.

Weirsdo, or because gold flatters her.

Puppybrose, social service workers have to eat too.

Ariel, I'll trust you. I'm asleep by the second.

Armen, no need to sign. I'm glad Sonia shared. I love the Balzac quote. That was one funny Frenchman.

Doug The Una said...

a4g, my response is on the next post. Clever indeed.

Minka said...

142000 something candles. Great idea and save travels to Karma.

Doug The Una said...

Why Minka, that ought to buy a whole neighborhood a sandwich.

Doug The Una said...

Welcome, Psychobabble.