Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Substitute Teacher

This morning, it's my pleasure to welcome Quilldancer as guest. You know you guys have been looking forward to this as much as I have. Quilldancer was asked to write a definition of Lecture.

LECTURE, n. Doug asked me to define lecture: a word that’s meaning changes with each stage of a person’s life.

To toddlers the word “no” is a lecture.

To elementary school children a lecture is a boring story about what life was like when Teacher was a kid.

To teenagers a lecture is every word their parents utter.

To college students a lecture is a class designed to ensure they get their sleep.

To adults a lecture is a gift of verbal wisdom better to give than to receive.

To senior citizens a lecture is a one-sided discourse about anything newfangled, like iPods or cell phones.

About Quilldancer: Quilldancer aka Quilly aka Tom and Cindra's Aunt Quill first showed up here this past summer and has been keeping the place toasty warm well into autumn. Since her arrival, two things in particular have been noticeable about her participation. The first is that Quill's humane spirit won't dissolve in the inhumanity of the host. The second is that Las Vegas schoolchildren must get frequent breaks to hit the slots and tip the cocktail waitress.

Quilly writes four blogs herself and one with friends who also have a problem. A Day in The Life is the central site, updated daily with poetry, thoughts and anecdotes. An artist with words who no doubt chose her pseudonym because she loves letters, the posts at A Day in The Life jumble together amusing anecdotes that are actually funny, touching anecdotes that actually move, random thoughts (which can be really random) and, bless her, Wordless Wednesdays. While I'm rambling on here, Quill is no doubt sleeping and later on, she'll download a photo.

Bits of me in poetry is her site with a title that rhymes cotaining verses most of which don't. Like A Day in The Life the poetry site comes from a lot of different parts of Quilly. A photograph and verses which can be haiku, or other short poetry, or fanciful formal poetry. Memories of her childhood fill the site with the best title on the internet, The Grown-Ups Wanted Us Dead. Those are stories told the good old-fashioned way with the vigor in the narrative and a light touch with the humor and emotion. I swear I'd delete this whole site in trade for having been the one to give that name to something.

Matthew 28:19, named for the great commission is a site in which Quill testifies her faith autobiographically. It's a blog Roberta Bondi would write or at least enjoy reading, I think, and I say that as someone with half a dozen of Bondi's books on my bookshelf. It's a site where Quilldancer's testimony is sharing herself, which is really the synopsis of all Quilldancer's sites and comments. She's that unusual soul who fully and without artifice inhabits all of her own words, whether she's making a joke, telling a story or recalling a past sadness. Quill's sensitive response to one of the darker stories on this site, inspired this one. We'll need women like Quill during the end times.

Thanks to Quill for being a terrific guest, teacher and friend. Oh, and folks, Quilldancer has warned us that it is dangerous to feed her ego so, please, no-one say anything nice.

How to be a guest on this site: To be anointed, I will need your email address and permission. So, were you to send an email to dpascover at mac dot com and say in the subject line something like "OK, ok I'll do it," that would definitely work unless I thought it was spam and deleted it. On an upcoming Wednesday, after posting that week's guest I would then send you an email with a word not in The Devil's Dictionary which you could then spend the next three days writing a definition for and return to me with a graphic or two of your choosing. The only rules are no profanity, no novels and anything else I make up. If you've done this before, I may ask you again if you're around a lot. If you've done this before and not been heard from since, just let me know that you want to be a guest and then disappear again.


Minka said...

Al, I owuld love to lecture you on punctuality when arrivign to class...but this might not be the time. Morning to the rest of you lot, now settle down and let wisdom be imparted!

Minka said...

Quilly, well done...I mean keeping up four blogs. That deserves some credit! Nah...i am just a potential teacher (one who has graduated, but is not practicing yet!) I loved your definitions. Although, yesterday at work...a 87 year old helped me to get the key-lock off my mobile phone! True story!

Anonymous said...

Oh, how juvenile, really, Minka...

( ~drat!~ How many seconds in an Icelandic minute? Ack. :-)

Okay, Minka, I give up. You're smart. I'm dumb. You're quick. I'm slow. You're good looking. I'm, uhh, not...very...attractuve...

Anyhow, great guest post, Quilldancer. And a great word.

Lecture: At my current stage of life, this is still my word for any uninvited instruction, especially when delivered from the passenger seat of my car.

(And, Doug, many thanks for yesterday's "Still Life" tip.)

FelineFrisky said...

Lecture: A rant in the disguise of civility. D :)

Mutha said...

I'll throw caution to the wind and say I loved it Quill!

Anonymous said...

Lecture: A Socratic drone (not from Doug) that sharpens our sleep instinct.

Anonymous said...

The word lecture will forever remind me of a college poli sci class attended right after lunch in a hot, un-airconditioned classroom with a professor whose photo would serve nicely as a definition for the words "monotone, sleep-inducing, mind numbing, and droning."

Charlene Amsden said...

Minka and Al -- play nice or I'll write you both detention slips.

Minka -- you'll find I don't keep all of them up as I should. During the school year most of my creativity is poured out upon my students.

Al -- only 60. They just seem slower because they're frozen.

Felinefrisky -- sometimes the guise is very thin.

Doug -- you've been much too kind. Any of you meeting me in person would be sorely disappointed.

Mutha -- thank you. Thank you -- oh, oh, I already feel my head beginning to grow.

Old Mule -- that expands nicely on a college student's definition of lecture.

Joel -- we must have been in the same class. I slept through it. My friend Penny used to ask me how I could take notes and snore at the same time.

Anonymous said... that was you snoring? Also, forgot to mention...great definitions

Doug The Una said...

Minka, you are very cruel. I like that side of you. Yesterday I explained the printer and copier to my 6x-year-old-mother. Three times each. I think I'm a poor lecturer.

Al, I'm glad you dropped by Still Life's site. She doesn't post often anymore but what she offers is worth sharing. Your analysis is no worse than half-accurate.

Diane, I think you've got it, although I doubt Bierce would have added the smiley at the end.

OK, Mutha. You were warned.

Mule, of course not from me. I sharpen nothing.

Joel, I never took Poli Sci, but I majored in Economics so I think I have a feel for what you describe

Quill, I haven't had the pleasure but I'm very confident that Quilldancer hides none of CLA. I fear no disappointment.

Haha, Joel. Probably.

Anonymous said...

Awww, Miss Quilly, Minka started it...

Anonymous said...

Lectures: from what I remember, great napping time. Especially history which would explain my grade in that class. And um, social organization.

Anonymous said...

Well great jo... uh... oh heck with it, EXCELLENT POST, Quilldancer! and lovely write up by that curmudgeon - it would appear his opinion of you is high, and with good reason! you are talented, funny, clever, modest, intelligent, and... well, i could go on, but for the sake of space and/or not wanting be responsible for the size of your head by the end of the day, i'll stop here. suffice it to say, i'm a fan.

Lecture: constructive conversation and/or gentle advice. [see also: "Hey son, how's that job hunt coming along?"]

CozyMama said...

very cool, love the line about the vegas kids getting breaks to hit the slots. will go visit her now. come visit me!!!!

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug -- in truth a careful examiniation of all of my sites would provide one with my full name. I saw no point in hiding it since I posted my home church and my ministry, both of which ensure I am very easy to find any given Saturday or Sunday. Still, I paint myself in brighter colors than others might.

Jenna -- zzzzzzzz -- I'm certain that's why those classes were designed; otherwise, how could we party all night?

Puppy -- I feel the Dr. Jekyll- Ms. Hyde transformation beginning.
Al -- Minka may have started it, but you did not have to follow. You choose your own actions and you choose the consequences that go with them.

TLP said...

Hi Quilly! Nice of you to guest. I always enjoy your comments here and at Sar's.

Lecture: Anything I don't want to hear.

TLP said...

Forgot to say, "Nice write up, Doug." You always do such a good job on those that it's a given, and I sometimes forget to acknowledge it.

robkroese said...

A socially acceptible substitute for teaching.

Charlene Amsden said...

TLP -- thanks, I fancy myself funny. Sometimes it's true.

Diesel -- some days I resemble that.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Quilly! Wow, I'm impressed with your definitions and your blogs. I didn't know you wrote so many, and you do such a great job:)
I like lectures. I am a bottomless teapot.

Charlene Amsden said...

Actionbell, as the baby in a very large extended family I can tell you, I've had my quota of lectures -- any more come my way I'm sending them to you!

Anonymous said...

"Minka may have started it, but you did not have to follow. You choose your own actions and you choose the consequences that go with them."

Oh, you're good, Miss Quilly. Real good.

(~Ptooey~ Ha! But not that good, or you'd have caught me hitting Minka with that spitball just now.)

Charlene Amsden said...

Al -- rest assured, Minka will get even. AND someone will tattle. Somethings are just given.

Charlene Amsden said...

Oh! And it is never the instigator that gets caught -- it is the one who retaliates.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful definations Quilly. You always have such a way with words.

Nessa said...

Doug: A very lovely tribute and well that is well deserved.

Quilly: I'm sorry but Doug said I can't say anything nice. Oh, what the heck...what I said to Doug.

Charlene Amsden said...

Kat -- being the youngest I had to talk faster and slicker. It is a survival skill.

Nessa -- Doug was trying to protect you from my ego. Ignore him at your own risk. He assumes no liability for the consequences.

The amoeba said...

EGO, n. Id don't think so.


LECTURE, n. Cure for insomnia. LECTURER: the prescribing physician.

Great work, Quill. May your fifth-graders agree. I meant the students, not the superintendent's office!! I do hope your ego takes enough nourishment to sustain both you and the parasites in the school district bureaucracy.

Anonymous said...

Lecture: Poetry is the superior form.

Love the guest post and all your blogs.

Charlene Amsden said...

O Ceallaigh -- I pay the school district only as much mind as I have to. My kids testing scores provide me with a lovely buffer. I may not be doing things their way, but since my way is working they pretend not to notice.

Charlene Amsden said...

Brian -- lovely definition, and true as well.

As for my ego -- you read my blogs. Do you really think it's suffering?

Anonymous said...

Quilly-Sister, good job as usual. You always had a way with words. LOL Love your definitions.

Hi Doug, what a beautiful write up for Quilly. Bravo.

Charlene Amsden said...

Jackie -- Thanks for stopping by! Look around, you might just like it here! You love word games.

Anonymous said...

Hi Quilly

What would the French say Touche'.

I like the Teenager one the best. How I have been there and done that. Though I am getting past the Adult part and when we receive the lecture, it does hurt and make us feel small.

Wonderful post.

PS this is an interesting blog, I must bookmark and come back for another visit. I'd stay and have a longer look but got caught up on Dr John's marathon and now I am two hours behind schedule.

Blessings for you

Anonymous said...

Actually Quill, I have never sensed an ego in your words. Just heartfelt facts that despite everything in your life, you have found peace with God.

Lecture: A sermon given with love and hope.

Charlene Amsden said...

Bill -- thanks for visiting. You will like it here.

Brian -- wow! Maybe I'm cured.

As to your most recent definition -- that would be from the lecture giver's POV. I should have considered that in my definitions.

Anonymous said...

Lecture: dictation

Anonymous said...

Lecture: An ego cured equals trail mix.

Kyahgirl said...

Hi Quilly-I came by this morning but blogger was on hiatus (just keeping that word in your mind Al).

Your definitions were great. I've always enjoyed your comments but became a devoted admirer after the post Doug mentioned. Oh, sorry Doug, you said to not say anything nice. Well, I guess as one dog to another I'll just have to say 'bite me'.

Lecture-can't hear this word without thinking of lecture bottles. Smallish metal cylinders for containing compressed gases of an either expensive or noxious variety.

Sar said...

Yaaaaaaaaaaay Quilly!

Apologies for the delay getting over here. It's been quite a day of excitement! And with Quilly's guest turn, I'll add to that clever entertainment too. :)

Lecture: The verbal companion to animated finger air Z's best delivered by large black mammas and flamboyant gay men.
(Sorry, I can't be PC all the time!)

Doug The Una said...

Al, I see chivalry is still dead among fifth graders.

Jenna, is that why you don't write historical romances?

Puppybrose, I do have a very high opinion of her, but let's keep it quiet.

Jodes, I'll be back over soon. Comments were funky but seem to be working now. May the wind be at your back during the walk.

Is that right, Quill? I figured out your first name which I lightly edited for you story, but other than that I just have initials. Carlene Lapsidistra Aweigh? By the way, you're a perfect co-host.

Nanananana, TLP!

Diesel, I think it could even be just a social alternative to teaching.

Actonbell, a bottomless teapot and a literary anaconda.

Al, that which is done in darkness shall be brought to light. Right, Ms. Quill? *polishes apple*

Kat and Goldennib, welcome. Friends of Quill's and Sar's are friends of mine.

Quill, darn tootin' Not my fault.

Nice defining, O Ceallaigh.

True, Brian and lecture is an inferior form of poetry.

Jackie, welcome to you, too. Sisters of Quills are sisters of mine.

Welcome to you, too, old feller.

It's true, Brian. Quill's full of it in that regard but I figured I'd indulge her today.

Puppy, or dictatation.

Brian, I have no idea what you just said but its funny.

Sar we award no points for political correctness and deduct none for being late. Mainly we just stare.

Hahaha, Kyah. I meant nice to me. You're doing fine.

Doug The Una said...

Oh, and Kyah? WAAAAAyyyyyy geeky.

Charlene Amsden said...

Puppybrose -- some people's shorthand leaves much to be desired.

Kyah -- see my response to Goldennib (Nessa) above. It really was for your own good.

Brian -- or jerky

Sar -- I would never be one to insist you be politically correct.

Kyahgirl said...

Doug-yeah, apparently I fit right in around here.

Quilly-I'm not worried about your ego. what's the worst thing that can happen? You'll start another blog probably and that's a good thing!

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug -- I'm perfect?! Despite your own warning, that one just took me over the top. Now you are liable.

Anonymous said...

Quilldancer: and trust me, had i learned shorthand, i'm sure mine would be right up there with the worst.

Lecture: closing arguments?

Anonymous said...

Lecture: prod

in case anyone's interested-- and you know who you are -- Sar's celebratory happy dance video is available for your viewing pleasure...HERE.

Anonymous said...

as always I'm too late---and just got my first podcast which nobody will hear to work

I'm feeling very sorry for myself because I had to miss my class and shall lecture myself that I don't deserve comments because I have been so remiss as a blogger

Have a fever--kind of colors my attitude, and wasn't going to shamelessly plug my very stupid podcast

Alana said...

Quill, I love your definition and what I've read thus far of your many, many blogs!

So how are your students holding up with your guest spot here and all?

I have an aversion to lectures myself. I suspect I may be allergic.

Charlene Amsden said...

Puppybrose -- sometimes the closing arguements are longer than the original points.

Pia -- it would be shameful only if you were to forgo the shameless promotion.

Squaregirl -- the timing of my guest spot was no accident, I have no students today. I have parent-teacher conferences all afternoon. Between my comments I have seen 11 parents.

Doug The Una said...

Sure, Kyah. By our standards your within one standard deviation.

Quill, You can't expect me to perjure myself just to spare Las Vegas.

Puppybrose, many a man has fallen into that trap, I've heard.

Pia, that's terrific. Did you click the setting to tell iTunes about it so we can subscribe without sending you a penny? Everybody click Pia's link to hear her podcast!

Squaregirl, I know that you're not.

Quilly, you played me like a cheap fiddle, didnt you?

Charlene Amsden said...

Kyah -- what's the worse that could happen? Rather than creating another blog, I could start believing I really am all that and deserve all this praise. I would instead run from blog to blog demanding adolation.

Blogger blogger on the net,
Who's the greatest blogger yet?

Doug -- are you blaming your own lack of an attention span on me?

Doug The Una said...

Depends. Who are you?

Anonymous said...

Quilly: my point, exactly : P

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug, go to the blog with your favorite name, check the credits section of the sidebar.

Doug The Una said...

Quill, I was making an ADD joke, but, thanks. I feel oddly better now.

Charlene Amsden said...

Doug -- I got it, about 5 minutes after I answered. You know, I am not used to be witty and charming for extended periods of time. AND, if you don't like that excuse, school is out at 3:30 and that's what time my brain shuts off.

Tom & Icy said...

That was a very nice post, but thinking about the last def involving senior citizens, sometimes I think that it is the young, old and us pets that understand modern tech like ipods, cells, and computers better than the general population! There's almost as many dog and cat blogs as political blogs. We're just kidding and don't mean to lecture. Quilldancer has very nice interesting blogs and we admire the originality and attractive formatting.

Anonymous said...

Quilldancer is a lovely name.

When you can't do any better, as is the case here today, it is best not to even try.

Alana said...

Wow Quill, planning ahead and multi-tasking like a pro. I'm not worried about you having too big of an ego, as I think it should be a requirement for fifth grade (did I get the grade correct?) teachers.

Oh and regarding your post about teachers not being real eople (hysterical, by the way), my sister teaches second grade and sometimes her students aske her what she doe, you know, for a living. When she tells them that teaching them is what she does, they often respond with a confused or blank look

Anonymous said...

Hey I know her! Fun post! A lecture to me is pretty much every word my mom utters (out of love, concern, and more concernt) and I'm 41!

Minka said...

*bites happily into the polished apple she stole from Doug´s school bag and ties Al´s shoe-laces toegther under the table*

Charlene Amsden said...

Tom & Icy -- pleased to meet you. Thanks for the kind words.

Cowgirl -- subs do sub-standard work.

Cooper -- thank you for the name compliment. On days like this one I fancy I deserve it.

Squaregirl -- yep, 5th grade. And my kids have been known to ask what I do for a living, too. Usually I just hold up my hands, palms out, and say, "Duh?" Then they all laugh.

Cindra -- you seem somewhat familiar to me. Could you by any chance be the daughter of my beloved sister, Jackie?

Minka -- I simply must send you to the principal's office. Theft and assualt? Two incidents in one day? Take your stuff girl, your parents will be coming to pick you up.

Anonymous said...

wow. and i always thought Minka was teacher's pet. tough room.

Charlene Amsden said...

Puppybrose -- in my room she probably would be. I love the mischievous kids. They still have to follow the rules.

Stealing Doug's apple was minor. He probably got it in the cafeteria and hid it in his backpack so they wouldn't make him eat it. It's rotten in the middle you know.

But that bit about tying Al's shoelaces together -- when he stood up he fell over, knocking three other kids down. One of them landed on me and spilled my Pepsi. You mess with my soda and you're history.

Anonymous said...

Neophytes want to suggest that maybe fifth grade teachers shouldn't blog at all hours of the school day.

Oops. Was that a lecture?

Charlene Amsden said...

Danny boy -- I wasn't with students. Believe me, they always come first.

Charlene Amsden said...

I would like to thank everyone for their warm and wonderful welcome. I had a great time and my head is so inflated my toes are barely touching the ground.

Doug The Una said...

Quill, it may have been a lame joke, too. I can't remember.

Icy, I took that more as a seranade than a lecture.

Well, howdy, Cowgirl! I was just checking on you the other day. Not to worry, life ought to come first, but it's good of you to tip the hat now and again.

Cooper, I'm starting to think humility has gotten in the water in the Northeast. Must be carried by deer.

Good anecdote, Square.

Cindra, I'm sorry. I should have introduced you. Cindra, Aunt Quill, Aunt Quill, Cindra.

Cindra, we outgrow it. They don't.

Minka, why is it always the sweet girl in the back of the room that takes my apple? I just know I'll get held back again this year.

Puppybrose, those are the ones you have to watch.

Quilldancer, I understand the important thing is to establish boundaries. I stole that apple for YOU!

Danny Boy, you have as many kids as I do. What do you care?

Quill, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. You did a terrific job on the definition and exceptional co-hosting. Thanks for doing this.

Cie Cheesemeister said...

Quilldancer writes very nicely. She represents the bright side of the craft, while I probably represent the dark side. It's yin and yang!

Minka said...

You are a good teacher, Miss Quilly! I am sorry for my actions and fully prepared to take the consequences *hands her a new Pepsi accompanied with a lecture on how sugar damages teeth* (going to the principal´s office yet again, will get me out of next math period!) Some girls are just lucky, I guess!

Doug The Una said...

Like bat's wing and feather, Cheesie.

Look out, Ms. Quill! Minka put a thumbtack on your chair!

Minka said...

*between her teeth and her back to the teacher*
Just wait until you get out on the playground, Pascover! I´ll make you regret the day I was born!
Goody Two-Shoes!

Charlene Amsden said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Charlene Amsden said...

Blogger just ate my comment! Which one of you put them up to it?

Doug -- almost as lame as this one.

Cheesemeister -- those of us who live with darkness in our souls seek light. Those who live in light explore darkness.

Minka -- sorry to disappoint, but you're getting "in house" detention which means you'll be spending the next three days in the detention room. Your test is there waiting for you. However, I do appreciate your sincere apology.

Doug -- I didn't see Minka by my chair, but I do recall you were over there earlier.

Minka -- wait until our both off the playground, Sweetie. Then your parents -- or the cops -- can referee.

Doug The Una said...

See, Minka, and my mom wonders why I don't like school. I cry for all the potential lost by being beat up by girls.

Man, Quill. I hope that thumbtack wasn't monogrammed.

Anonymous said...

Ooh -- always the conflict avoider, even in cyber space, dannyboy wants to make it clear that he knows quilldancer's kids come first -- and if I'd hade more teachers with that kind of name, well, she would have gone sraight to my pantheon.

Doug The Una said...

Danny Boy, I'm sure all is forgiven. You've been washed clean of your sin and early education.

Vern, that was absolutely perfect. Thanks for adding us to your winding itinerary. Next stop, Iowa?

Charlene Amsden said...

Vern, that was perfect. That lecture class I slept through and took notes in anyway? Most of the time when I reread the notes I didn't rmember hearing them -- but there they were in my handwriting.