Tuesday, April 24, 2007


EQUALITY, n. In politics, an imaginary condition in which skulls are counted, instead of brains, and merit is determined by lot and punished by preferment. Pushed to its logical conclusion, the principle requires rotation in office and in the penitentiary. All men being equally entitled to a vote, are equally entitled to office, and equally subject to conviction.

2007 Update: A social arrangement holding the propensity for crime and the enthusiasm for labor to be equal, disrupting the hereditary morality which honors theft.

And Happy Birthday to Quilly! Right, Quilly?


Omnipotent Poobah said...

equality - Six of one and a half dozen of another.

Anonymous said...

Before God we are equally wise and equally foolish.
~ Albert Einstein


Anonymous said...

by the way, in order to equalize yesterday's minor birthday faux pas, i believe you'll have to wish Quilly birthday again, tomorrow, then take it off half way through the day and replace that wish with a Russian birth announcement. ; )

or not.

Happy Happy Joy Joy, Quilly! (if that's your real name, and this is your real birthday...) (^_^)\/,,

The Old Mule said...

equality: the 50% of people who think they are as good as women.

Happy Birthday Quilly. That makes twice. :)

Anonymous said...

Equality: Along with Liberty and Fraternity, inclines the French toward public executions.

Happy Birthday, Q.

(How old am I? These days, I need exponents to answer that question.)

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday Qully, once again. You can never have too many birthday wishes

Equality: something assumed by many to be their right. However true equality is something never to be taken for granted

There is equality among thieves. Thieves come in many stripes.

TLP said...

The notion that I, born female and poor, had the same chance as George W. Bush to become president of the U.S.

I had a bat's chance in hell. He had a brat's chance at Yale.

TLP said...

Oh. And Happy whatever-it-is for you today Quilly.

Anonymous said...

equality that which lowers women to the commonality of men, and raises men to perceived intelligence.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes -- yes, today is the day I go stand at DMV for hours.

mireille said...

That was good, tlp. Repeated birthday wishes, Quilldancer. Equality is more aspiration than fact. xoxo

Anonymous said...

EQUALITY, n. In the physics of interpersonal and societal interaction, the state of greatest dynamic instability, sustainable only with massive and perennially increasing energy inputs. The amount of equality in any social equation is directly proportional to the number, diversity, and vehemence of persons claiming persecution.

Funny. I didn't know Bierce was a Jeffersonian. (In case you didn't know, Jefferson didn't think anyone who was not white, male, and a property owner was fit to vote in a Republic.)

Mutha said...

Equality: The right to have your birthday either today or yesterday.

Doug The Una said...

Poobah, its a fine line between indifference and equality. I think the latter depends on the former.

Somehow, Neva, I imagine a smug grin on Einstein's face when he said that.

Mule, if that kind of prostration doesn't get you a little interest, hang it up.

Al, every valley shall be exalted and every hill made low. Don't tell me the French aren't good Catholics.

Pia, it's true. For true equality it's necessary to polish your mirror.

TLP, "I had a bat's chance in hell. He had a brat's chance at Yale" is a great line. That said, I'd vote for you and I never voted for him.

Quilly, will there be cake?

Mireille, it's the aspiration of scholars and the common fact afflicting the ignorant rest of us.

Amoeba, Bierce was fiercely opposed to progressives and railroad barons, bless him.

Ha, Mutha. I think birthdays are a hereditary privilege.

Ariel the Thief said...

Very Happy Birthday, Quilly! look, I brought you a piece of cake from yesterday!

TLP, now isn't that scaring? :) you're just too funny!

everybody under me is equal.

broadcastellan said...

The sensation of drowning experienced after falling for assurances that we’re all in the same boat. Alternatively, a dominatrix without prospects.

Minka said...

Happy Birthday, Qilly.

*presents a new and nicely polished apple*

equality,n. I can touch the remote?

G said...

Happy Birthday Quilly.

Equality: yada yada yada.

Unknown said...

Equality, n. Serving meticulously measured slices of pie to everyone, while reserving two for yourself.

Minka said...

equality: why settle?

Doug The Una said...

Ha, Ariel! Everyone under me is superior.

Harry, "a dominatrix without prospects" -perfection is a cruel taskmaster. By the way, the next time you're in Budapest, look for a mug like the one in the picture above. Those two sentiments are entirely unrelated, by the way, as far as I know.

Minka, equality is two remotes and one tv.

G, thanks for clarifying.

a4g, I think equality would be one pie and knives for everyone.

Your highness, do I have permission to answer?

Tom & Icy said...

Some of us are more equal than others

Kyahgirl said...

This is an equally nice day to celebrate Quilly's birthday. Happy Birthday!

Equality, never to be confused with equity.

and to dear Icy....dogs are definitely more equal than their human dinner providers!

Kyahgirl said...

p.s. Doug, you have ever eaten dinner with a large Irish family? In my family one pie and and knives for everyone would have spelled 'massacre' and no pie for anyone!

AsianSmiles said...

'Love the 2007 update.

Equality is in the eyes of the bequeath'er.

Doug The Una said...

Two legs bad, four legs good, right, Icy?

Kyah, that was kind of the thought I had. Equality is a provocation of the armed.

Asiansmiles, and I think that's a great update yourself. By the way I can see under your avatar.

Anonymous said...

laughing at Kyahgirl's description of eating pie at her family table. when i was in college (with 3 roommates) our idea of dining equality was a cheesecake and four spoons! ...good times.

Anonymous said...

Equality: To treat every birthday like it's your 23rd.

Happy Birthday Quilly!


Anonymous said...

here's one of my favorite examples of creating "equality", from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes:

Evelyn Couch: Hey! I was waiting for that spot!

Girl #1: Face it, lady, we're younger and faster!

[Evelyn rear-ends the other car six times]

Girl #1: What are you *doing*?

Girl #2: Are you *crazy*?

Evelyn Couch: Face it, girls, I'm older and I have more insurance.

oh, how i lovelovelove that film...

The Old Mule said...

Doug, of all things...don't worry about my prostate.



Doug The Una said...

Neva, a cheesecake and four spoons is good alone, too.

Good advice, Squaregirl.

You know, Neva, I've never seen it. Maybe the next Snuppy double-feature I host for myself.

Mule, I can agree to that.

Anonymous said...

I want to thank each and every one of you -- including and/or especially Doug -- for all your warm birthday wishes!

Anonymous said...

I think I said happy birthday to Quilly at OC's.

I should mention to her that equality is important when painting toenails.
Each toenail must be painted with the exact same volume to area.

tsduff said...

Old mule - ha ha ha

There is equality here with the level playing field at Waking Ambrose. It's just like Icy said though, some are more equal than others.

Doug The Una said...

You're welcome, Quilly. I hope it was grand and good.

Right, Cooper. And it's very important the ankle cuffs are on tight so they don't smudge the enamel.

Remember, Terry, a wing counts as a leg, giving you four.

Oooh, good roundup, Actonbell.

Ariel the Thief said...

ROTFL @Old Mule, that response was just too funny! the next day it still cracks me up.

Elbot said...

1 + 1 = 3

Doug The Una said...

Ariel, two days is good for a prostate joke. That was a good one.

Elbot, you're running Microsoft, aren't you?

AsianSmiles said...

which avatar? *shocked* *scared*

Doug The Una said...

Yesterday, Asiansmiles, your avatar showed a strange logo that said "image missing" or something. All is well, now.