Justice

JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.

2007 Update: The name by which we call a priceless painting lost in a tragic accident on the freeway and taken by a tornado wafting safely and undamaged to rest at our feet, or else a foreign misfortune.

Happy birthday to Alice Cooper née Olivia!

Two Fables

The Macaw and The Bureau of Tourism

Once upon a time, a macaw with fine feathers was dispatched to greet visitors as they stepped off the boat in the port of a small island resort. The macaw was shiny, bright red and possessed a loud voice. The boat ride to the island was a long one and often delayed by storms or drunken captains. When the macaw's first assignment pulled into port two hours late, the bird shivered his beautiful plumage. When the gang plank was extended, the macaw hopped up on a bench and proclaimed himself as host and the island as San Bekaw. When the throng of cramped and tardy travelers bustled onto the dock, the macaw was crushed under the feet and trunks of the stampeding recreationalists.

Moral: In the great circle of leisure, each step is a new beginning. Or, no bird is an island.

The Coyote and The Grapefruit

Back in the days before genetic engineering, all grapefruit were yellow and the coyotes called them chickenfruit for their color and bitterness. One day, a coyote was running through an orchard and passed a grapefruit that had fallen early. The curious coyote pawed the delicacy for the coyote was moved that this grapefruit, alone in the orchard, had chosen the time of the coyote's crossing to deprive itself of foliage and height and join him on the ground. The coyote composed an ode to pioneers right there and then and sang it to the grapefruit.

When the song was over, the coyote told the grapefruit, "you and I, we aren't so different. Solitary and free, we choose our own course. You left your branch and I my pack and here and now we meet with no obligation to one another but forbearance and voluntary consideration. I will not eat you, friend. For although I am a hunter and you a fruit, we share a spirit."

Just then, a small mouse tittered nearby and the coyote dashed off to chase, kill and eat.

Moral: Poets see themselves in the silent.

POULTRY, n.pl. Feathered expression.
CIRCUMSPECT, adj. Seedless.

Jealous

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

2007 Update: Resentful of the merely envious.

Judge

JUDGE, n. A person who is always interfering in disputes in which he has no personal interest. An official whose functions, as a great legal luminary recently informed a body of local law-students, very closely resemble those of God. The latter, however, is not afraid to punish Chris. Buckley for contempt, and the former has attained no great distinction as the hero of popular oaths.

2007 Update: The wearer of the purse that makes a kangaroo court and the baffle that makes justice blind.

Fatal Attention

Episode 21 of The Meditations of Diogenes The Cynic. Thanks to the Arctic Multinational Women's And Moriae's Association (AMWAMA) for this week's reading. And welcome, L.

Listen to the fates tell their story.


This week, in The Prattler, "BYOF."


















Read the story on the loom

Gold

GOLD, n. A yellow metal greatly prized for its convenience in the various kinds of robbery known as trade. The word was formerly spelled "God"- the l was inserted to distinguish it from the name of another and inferior deity. Gold is the heaviest of all the metals except platinum, and a considerable amount of it will sink a man so much more quickly and deeply than platinum will that the latter is made into lifebelts and used as a lifting power for balloons. British gold, an imaginary metal greatly used in the manufacture of American traitors to the patriotic axiom that two and two are five.

2007 Update: A precious metal valued for its beauty, ductility and ease of gilding.

Guilt

GUILT, n. The condition of one who is known to have committed an indiscretion, as distinguished from the state of him who has covered his tracks.

2007 Update: The hammer, anvil and forge used to temper and shape the soul already on the hoof and in the lea.

Pastorale

A young snow white horse, running loose on a hillside,
Nearly tripped on a lost little lamb.
White clouds crossed the heavens, and held up a rainbow
And the colt said "ain't the simple life grand?"

The lamb shook his woollen head and responded
"I wish I could find all my friends.
I've no-one to follow and I feel unbonded.
Is this anovie? When will it end?"

The colt raised his head and whinnied, majestic
"Why not learn to cherish the grace?
There are hillsides to gambol and streams to explore
And a big sky above filled with lace."

"To few it is offered," the happy horse added,
"To make solitary one's herd.
Where 'seldom' is heard, men have put up fences
For 'common' is what they've preferred."

The little lost lamb then looked up in wonder
For this wisdom had left him more addled,
"If freedom's the cure for a life put asunder
Then why are you wearing that saddle?"

Common, adj. Proud.

Groan

GROAN, n. The language in which a Republican Federal officeholder expounds his view of the political situation.

2007 Update (as if necessary): Punditry by other means.

Gargoyle

GARGOYLE, n. A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval buildings, commonly fashioned into a grotesque caricature of some personal enemy of the architect or owner of the building. This was especially the case in churches and ecclesiastical structures generally, in which the gargoyles presented a perfect rogues' gallery of local heretics and controversialists. Sometimes when a new dean and chapter were installed the old gargoyles were removed and others substituted having a closer relation to the private animosities of the new incumbents.

2007 Update: Architectural evidence that the most pious and devoted medievel Christians still sought protection from pagans. The overhead powerpoint presentation of the Dark Ages.