Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Mammalia
MAMMALIA, n. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
2006 Update: The vermouth in a duckbill platypus.
34 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Mammalia: Thirs was a spotless record of evolutionary advancement until mankind, which sucks differently, came along.
MAMMALIA, n. See LAS VEGAS (errr...) STRIP. Though the committed scientist is bound to observe, and record, that at the current time, the proportionality of T to A is significantly skewed towards the A.
That goes a long way towards explaining Australians, Doug.
i believe it *should* be noted that Mammalia is regarded as the "highest class of Vertebrata". of course, considering it was male members of that same class who deemed it as such, i guess it's no surprise.
Actually, Puppy, I'm more of an optimist when it comes to mankind's chances. But, as soon as Doug's blog flashes on the screen, something just comes over me...
Puppy? Observation. Based on 40-story electronic billboards. The electric bill alone would fund my lab for a year.
As for grades? Don't get me started. Let's just say, no surprise what mark a society gets that knows about meth babies and blows all its money at the Luxor. "Highest vertebrates" my left big toe. (Scientists no longer classify creatures as "higher" or "lower", by the way.)
By the way, isn't the scientific argument against classifying lower to higher order mammalia akin to parents not wanting their kids to play with scores for softball? Everybody's a winner/nobody's different (G-d forbid)?
Snuppy, not to worry, this bonafide dorkette has nothing but admiration for your nerdess (loved Mamma Mia on Broadway, btw); however, it looks like G has us both beat ("thanks for the mammaries" -- touche, G! Er...).
And Doug - hey, don't knock it till you try it! Even the follically challenged can head bang!
"Higher" and "lower" imply value judgements, ditto "primitive" and "advanced". Which we scientists are not supposed to make. I heard that! You in the back of the room! Stop snickering!! Geez. You'd think you snarked for a living.
Whereas terms like "ancestral" and "derived" imply (or are supposed to imply) only order and relative age of descent. After all, most parasites are evolutionarily derived, but most folk would balk at calling them "higher" forms of life.
Though they are. Just look at the size and wealth of the hospitals. universities, and biotech companies we erect to take care of them.
Ouch, Sar! Those of us with hirsute knuckles prefer to bang other heads.
Terry, I was referring to the platypus as a mixture, like a martini. I cracked me up. I want a drink.
Jamie Dawn, you think there's a connection? And isn't your mom in the nuts business?
Great new teapot, Actonbell. Warm-blooded enough to melt thin ice, though. Which is how I say no comment.
Amoeba, whenI was taking anthropology classes they were careful to say that about languages as well. Every language is sophisticated in describing the matters of importance to the people speaking.
34 comments:
Mammalia: Thirs was a spotless record of evolutionary advancement until mankind, which sucks differently, came along.
mammals suck
MAMMALIA, n. See LAS VEGAS (errr...) STRIP. Though the committed scientist is bound to observe, and record, that at the current time, the proportionality of T to A is significantly skewed towards the A.
That goes a long way towards explaining Australians, Doug.
Al? Not going there, dude.
Karma: laughing... that was brilliant!
i believe it *should* be noted that Mammalia is regarded as the "highest class of Vertebrata". of course, considering it was male members of that same class who deemed it as such, i guess it's no surprise.
and Al, based on your theory, and Doug's update, i'm guessing Mankind's future is, in fact, screwed.
O'C? dude -- "A"? is that an observation, or the grade you give to those showgirls?
Actually, Puppy, I'm more of an optimist when it comes to mankind's chances. But, as soon as Doug's blog flashes on the screen, something just comes over me...
mammalia this word, combined with the diminutive of the descriptor, "mother", most likely lead to the creation of the word, Mammy for a wet nurse.
Puppy? Observation. Based on 40-story electronic billboards. The electric bill alone would fund my lab for a year.
As for grades? Don't get me started. Let's just say, no surprise what mark a society gets that knows about meth babies and blows all its money at the Luxor. "Highest vertebrates" my left big toe. (Scientists no longer classify creatures as "higher" or "lower", by the way.)
Oh Mammalia, Mammalia,
Mammalia Let Me Go
Beelzebub has a devil's dictionary
set aside for me....for me...
for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*Cue WA group head banging*
Don't let Le Leche International see Ambrose's definition. And of course most "regular" people would just worry about Doug after reading his.
Sar: You should have added, "I see a little stiletto of a man...." to your Queen lyrics!
Half of the mammalia family has mammary glands, with which they rule the other half. No idea why. It's just fat.
Al, I have a feeling "suck" will be the theme today, congratulations on being the first wit. Aren't you supposed to be out of town?
Karma, only the good ones. See what I mean, Al?
Wow, OC. Excellent commitment and detachment.
Puppybrose, I think it just shows how much we appreciate the females of the species. And, probably, how.
I hear you, Al. I'm the Johnny Appleseed of dour pessimists.
Most likely, Quill. Or the fact that hot tamale already meant something.
Mule, that's a...nah, too easy.
O Ceallaigh, that's because now we have scientists who went to public school for fourth grade.
Very cute, Sar, but there will be no head banging on my watch. At least not self-actuated.
Mutha, Le Leche International is a dairy trade group? Anyone who pays attention and cares has been worried about me for sometime.
TLP, that was brilliant.
Your update has many a foreign word in it ...what kinda mammal are you?
deep down we are simple cretaures, it´s all about the mammary glands and weird wording won´t get you close to them!
Ask any geek!
O'C: a'yup. which is why i stopped pursuing a career in that field, i mean, what's the point?
Sar: am i a nerd, or what? you conjure up Queen, i'm humming ABBA. Mamma Mia! (sigh... guess that's what ya meant by "suck", eh, Doug?)
woof
Minka, I will ask just as soon as I can find one.
Puppybrose, I've meaning to ask you, what's all this about weird words and mammary glands?
Bowow, Icy
Mammalia: the inspiration for the song "Thanks for the Mammaries". So touching really.
Very close to the national dish of Romania - Mamaliga (some corn meal concoction) and the Yiddish term of endearment Mammala. Hmm coincidence?
Mammalia:
A Western range of mountains, formally known as The Grand Tetons; that is until the State Dept. figured out that is was French for bite me.
Doug: La Leche International is a worldwide advocate and support base for women who breast feed.
I know Karma. My mother founded the first chapter in my home town before I was born.
I meant Mutha. My fingers are too fast. :(
By the way, isn't the scientific argument against classifying lower to higher order mammalia akin to parents not wanting their kids to play with scores for softball? Everybody's a winner/nobody's different (G-d forbid)?
By the way, that was me G, not signed in to Blogger but appearing rather anonymous above.
Right on, TLP! *claps*
Snuppy, not to worry, this bonafide dorkette has nothing but admiration for your nerdess (loved Mamma Mia on Broadway, btw); however, it looks like G has us both beat ("thanks for the mammaries" -- touche, G! Er...).
And Doug - hey, don't knock it till you try it! Even the follically challenged can head bang!
Okay, enlighten me. Vermouth isn't good for anyone, let alone mixed up animals who suckle their young AND lay eggs.
Mammalian: Having mammory glands and a tendency to nag.
My mamma is here for a visit, and hopefully she will go easy on the tendency to nag. :)
mammalia-a family of warm-blooded animals who aren't necessarily warm. The mammary glands don't help to warm the heart or the body, either.
(clapping for TLP, good one, as usual!)
Close but no PC credits, G.
"Higher" and "lower" imply value judgements, ditto "primitive" and "advanced". Which we scientists are not supposed to make. I heard that! You in the back of the room! Stop snickering!! Geez. You'd think you snarked for a living.
Whereas terms like "ancestral" and "derived" imply (or are supposed to imply) only order and relative age of descent. After all, most parasites are evolutionarily derived, but most folk would balk at calling them "higher" forms of life.
Though they are. Just look at the size and wealth of the hospitals. universities, and biotech companies we erect to take care of them.
G, probably not a coincidence.
Funny, Brian.
Mutha, I wonder how I missed that.
Brian, did she stay active after you were born?
G, you kind of stand out even anonymously.
Ouch, Sar! Those of us with hirsute knuckles prefer to bang other heads.
Terry, I was referring to the platypus as a mixture, like a martini. I cracked me up. I want a drink.
Jamie Dawn, you think there's a connection? And isn't your mom in the nuts business?
Great new teapot, Actonbell. Warm-blooded enough to melt thin ice, though. Which is how I say no comment.
Amoeba, whenI was taking anthropology classes they were careful to say that about languages as well. Every language is sophisticated in describing the matters of importance to the people speaking.
Mammaries oh sweet mammaries:)
Doug: Well, you know -- we don't all get to lactate.
Um, 36B. In anything by Bali, Vanity Fair or, oooh, even better, Chantelle or La Perla. In pink. xoxo
Mistress, poetic.
Mutha, where do you think my tribe learned exclusion?
Mireille, you vamp!
OK, everyone I'm running late this morning. Doesn't mean I'm not trying.
Take your time, Doug. I'm not here anyway.
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