Attorney

Attorney, n. A person legally appointed to mismanage one's affairs which one has not himself the skill to rightly mismanage.


2005 Update: A practitioner whose corruption of the legal system is enforced by the justice system.

Attorney, left, Jenna Leigh Mooney, Esq. with a Plaintiff

Happy Birthday, Sis!

Bait

Bait, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.

2005 Update: v.t. To divorce will from judgement. The intransitive form is Shop.

For Pansi, Anlocken

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm proud to have a guest definition from Andrew Donaldson (Bread and Circuses) He wrote the following definition:

Progressive, n. A progressive believes that change is good, as long as it was his idea.
A conservative believes that the last good idea someone had was the absolutely last good idea.

Incidentally I think it was John Podhoretz who said that "a neoconservative is a liberal who was mugged by reality", which is a clever play on the classic" a liberal is a conservative who got sick, and a conservative is a liberal who got mugged".

About Andrew: Andrew Donaldson writes Bread and Circuses, a site primarily about politics with a left-leaning perspective but including popular culture, sports and a quote of the day. The broader context, as compared to other political sites, gives a sense of the person behind the posting. This makes Bread and Circuses one of the most readable and engaging political sites I read. Another feature of Bread and Circuses that I appreciate is that Andrew has a good ear for measured language and his is one of the few frank political sites from either side of the aisle that expresses itself with thought and without shrill urgency. Andrew seems aware that the 2004 election happened last year and that the 2008 election is scheduled for 2008. A few other things I like about Andrew is that he lives in Minnesota and probably knows the Powdermilk Biscuits ad from A Prairie Home Companion cold. When I asked Andrew for some biographical information for this post, he quoted a bio of him that was used elsewhere: "Andrew Donaldson has done nothing." I aspire to a similar eulogy, but the name Andrew is spoken for in my family.

How to be a Guest on this site: Just leave a comment below telling me you'd like to be a special guest here or send me an email at the address in my profile. I will need an email to contact you. Immediately after publishing the Wednesday post (unless I flake for a day or so) I send an email to the next person on my list with a word to define. I request that the definition and an accompanying graphic be sent to me by Saturday night. Goa'uld was a guest here and went on to get a perfect score on the math portion of a standardized test. I'm not saying I should get all the credit, but you want to be successful, don't you?

Antipathy

Antipathy, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

2005 Update: Enlightened bigotry.

Insurrection

Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

2005 Update: The freedom struggle of the liberated.

Announcement: Sar sent in a fantastic Ghost story for Doug Drones On.

El Pulmon Del Mundo*

Story #11, in which three American eco-tourists learn that in the *Lung of the World, it's blood that counts.

Swim with the dolphin and never mind the Pirañas if you want to hear the story.







Pet a stand-in for my pet owl monkey, Roly-Poly to read the story.

Today's story is cross-posted on Doug Drones On.

Pandemonium

Pandemonium, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer. When disturbed by his voice the ancient echoes clamor appropriate responses most gratifying to his pride of distinction.

2005 Update: A space containing 1000 hockey fans, 500 conventioneers, 100 drunks, 10 abstainers, 5 children, 2 teachers or one opportunity.

Overdose

Overdose, n. The fatal dose of medicine when administered by any other than a physician.

2005 Update: A form of excess still recognized by Americans.

Happy Birthday to Poppa Pez.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm honored to have a4g (Atheist for God) as a guest. His definition for us is:

Atheist, n. A lone mariner in a sea without shores.

Left, Sandals for the unfaithful.




About a4g: a4g and his conspirators, The Evil Emperor Mindstation and Prof. Stephen Hawking (not the author of A Brief History of Time, but remarkably similar) write Point Five, a journalism satire site that I hate to admit I find sharper than my beloved The Onion. OK, nobody believes me. At least read it and see if it isn't a worthy conservative alternative. While clearly leaning right, Point Five is no more forgiving of Republicans than The Onion is of Democrats and the balance makes good satire. The production quality is impressive as well. a4g's articles in particular perfectly parody contemporary newspaper articles and while he may get ahead of himself now and again, I'm always impressed that a4g can put together whole articles of sharp satire while on an up day, I'm only good for a sentence.

a4g has another very noteworthy blog Atheist 4 God. More personal and very compelling, it seems to follow the arc of Augustine's Confessions except a4g isn't dead yet, nor wholly converted. It's the story of an atheist, married to a Catholic who has found a role for the Church and Theology and is coming to suspect God. Like so many of us enamored with cynicism, a4g is a confounded earnest and curious man. a4g is married with five children, God bless him.

How to be a Special Guest: If you would like to provide a guest definition some Wednesday on this site, please either email me at dpascover at mac dot com or leave a comment here (I will need an email address to contact you.) On some glorious Wednesday, I will send you an email with a word for you to define. I ask you to have the definition and a graphic (old shoes are grand) to represent you by the following Saturday night. The only rules are no profanity and, um, no profanity.

Imbecility

Imbecility, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.

2005 Update: That which compelled creation of the social services and governs them still.

Chained by a friend

OK, I still think friends don't let friends meme, but Monika is a pretty good friend. The game is to give 5 pieces of useless information about yourself which in my case includes all of it. I won't chain anyone else, but this is kind of a fun one so invite any of you to follow suit.

Carnivorous, adj. Believing in both reincarnation and evangelism. I need to eat an animal at every meal.
Astronomy, n. The establishment of expansive and spherical role models. As I child I read everything I could find about Astronomy.
Asclepius, n.p. A semi-mythological doctor who learned from animals how to treat humans. I've always been more comfortable socially with animals than with people. At my first indoor job (The Carter Center (mid-20s) the story may still be told about my looking for a pad of post-its and growling at the supply closet.
Nomad, n. One who replaces shoes frequently and carpets never. I had had 10 addresses by the time I left home at 17. I probably tripled the number in the following seven years.
Walkabout, n. In world history, the most rational answer to colonization ever. I have spent time in Peru, Guatemala, Argentina, Australia, Germany, France and had residency in Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Georgia, Nevada and California and still can't explain what I was up to hardly anywhere.

Poker

Poker, n. A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown.

2005 Update: The fairest form of commerce in which fortune favors the wicked rather than his or her grandchild.

The Battle of Bee Mountain

Story #10, in which the Pascover family learns the value of thinking ahead.

To experience the trip, take California Highway 14.

To read the story, swat the bee.


This story is cross-posted at Doug Drones On where maybe this week someone will send me a story of their own.

Happy belated birthday and best wishes to Jamie Dawn!

Famous

Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.

Done to a turn on the iron, behold
Him who to be famous aspired.
Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold,
And his twistings are greatly admired.
--- Hassan Brubuddy

2005 Update: Inspiring the idle many.

Fashion

Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

2005 Update: . The muse of elective surgery.

Chel'nuk* Guest Wednesday

For this week's guest I'm honored to have an entry from the brilliant Goa'uld!

Goa'uld's definition is:
Trombone, n. Being the favorite instrument of torture used by the Goa’uld*, this long, tubular weapon usually made out of Naquada* or brass, operated by the moving of a U-shaped slide. It is used to create beautiful sounds while causing excruciating pain to the unfortunate victim who is standing before it.

*For those of you not cool enough to watch Stargate SG-1, *Additional Lexicon:
Goa'uld, n. A race of serpent symbiotes that more or less possess other species including humans.
Naquada, n. Powerful mineral that serves as the building block for all Goa'uld technology.
Chel'nuk, int. Jaffa term for "Very Cool." syn: Chel'nat.
Source: The Gateworld Omnipedia.

About this particular Goa'uld: Goa'uld aka Tak Simba Pez and her twin sister, Bookworm aka Haras Pickachu Pez aka Tok'ra are my favorite teenagers on this blue world and still would be if the competition were better. In a lot of ways, they're very different but have brilliance, blogging (Goa'uld avidly and Bookworm reluctantly,) brass (or Naquada) instruments, Stargate, a mother and a birthdate in common. Before I followed the links from Dddragon's site, I thought nice, well-mannered teenagers were extinct and had been since at least 1980.

A member of the first family of the Blogosphere, Goa'uld, like her mother and sister, is, um, well-scheduled. She plays trombone in her High School Marching Band; never misses an episode of Stargate so far as I can tell; writes, illustrates and animates a completely charming weblog, and considers a 90 on a test a catastophe. In my case it was always a clerical error. Goa'uld inherited the animation gene from her mother and did the flash animation above. On her profile, she lists her occupation as "Evil Twin" and I've never known her mother, grandmother, sister or aunts to disagree. Evil as she may be and clearly is, when she started leaving definitions here I decided she was my Charlie Bucket and I'm sticking to it. Goa'uld gets Waking Ambrose when I retire. And some chocolate.

About the Pezes, Part III: Goa'uld is the third and, for now (cough*Actonbell*cough*TLP*cough*Haras*cough,) final volunteer from the Pez family to do a guest entry here. It may seem like I'm sucking up to them in the hopes of being invited to picnic or something, but I assure all of you I'm guileless. Besides, Aral eats foliage.

How to be a guest on this site: Just leave a comment here or email me at dpascover at mac dot com and let me know you're willing. You'll be added to a list. Every Wednesday after posting the guest entry, I will email the next person on my list with a word to define and a request for a picture or graphic (your profile picture is fine.) I ask the guest to get back to me by the end of the following Saturday. No profanity, please, minors read this site.

Ordinary

Ordinary, adj. Common; customary. In the Southwestern States of the Union it is pronounced ornery and means ugly-a striking testimony to the prevalance of the disagreeable.

2005 Update: Widely attributed, as nobility among the dead and celebrity among the living.

Morning

Morning, n. The end of night and dawn of dejection. The morning was discovered by a Chaldean astronomer, who. finding his observation of stars unaccountably interrupted, diligently sought the cause and found it. After several centuries of diputation, morning was generally accepted as a reasonable cause of the interruption and a constantly recurrent natural phenomenon.

2005 Update: The lifespan of Homo Agendus.

Aged a day

Story #9, in which Doug learns what the years can't take away.


To hear the story, click the image of Atlanta at dawn.






To read the story, click on downtown at dusk.

Today's story is cross-posted at Doug Drones On where maybe this week someone will send me a story of their own.

And Happy Birthday to one or more of Pansi and Weirsdo!

Gull

Gull, v.t. To tell the sovereign people that if elected you will not steal.

2005 Update: Root of the word Gullible although hardly the only one.

Geese

Geese, n. The plural of Prohibitionist.

2005 Update:

Cartographers of North and South,
Poets of letter "V,"
Attributed to silliness
Their great efficiency. -Walela

Special Guest Wednesday

Today's guest is the beautiful and talented Karma. And fellas, I have her picture (right.) No, that's Janis Joplin, dummy, the pretty one with the serious expression at top is Karma. Jeez.


Karma has defined:

Attire, n. For women, an ornamental covering worn with the objective of becoming so attractive to men as to induce them to remove the same.
Attire, p. For men, a balled-up mess in the back of the cupboard that nonetheless suffices, when worn, in guarding them against the vagaries of weather.

* Not to be confused with a rubbery product made by Goodyear

About Karma: Karma works as an executive in corporate communications for a well-known information technology company and lives in Mumbai, India. She worked for a long time as a creative director in advertizing and is a professional writer and artist. She is the divorced mother of a grown, professional son and Waking Ambrose. Based on her website (and the picture above isn't exactly exculpatory) she's lived a rich life as the kind of free-spirit all admire and most envy.

Her weblog, My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma offers Karma's insight on Indian places, the Vedas, fashion, food, popular culture and nekkid boy-band singers. Anyone reading this who has known me for a long time and wonders why that would interest me needs to read Karma's writing. Karma is a poet, flirt, a historian and a vamp and a critic and a comic and a flirt and a flirt. She excels as all seven. Hers was the first site I ever felt compelled to leave a comment on.

OK, now back to me: As I mentioned, my commenting career started on Karma's site. One day, after I'd started reading and commenting regularly, another commenter left a nasty message for Karma on her site and she responded with a cussword I'd never seen before and admired. On February 28, a day that will live in modest infamy, as a response to my inquiry, she wrote her understanding of the history, meaning and usage of that word (Language advisory.) Her post, and the conversation that followed reminded me of Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary and that night, Waking Ambrose was born.

One thing that shouldn't be left out of a discussion about Karma's site is that a very diverse and charming collection of people gather and comment there. Karma's site is well worth reading on the face, but if you skip the comments you're missing a lot. Enjoy.

Rascal

Rascal, n. A fool considered under another aspect.

2005 Update: A saint in the dark.

Labor

Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

2005 Update: A noble alternative to working.

Happy Labor Day, Ev'rybody.

This is not a dogblog!

But since y'all are so nice about Willie this week and Walela last week, here's a picture of Willie in the full heat of lagomania in Deep Springs Valley yesterday.




Walela prowls at nearby Westgard Pass in June.

Willie The Wonderdog

Story #8: In which we learn from Willie that delusions can come true.

To listen to Willie's story, click his image:


To read Willie's story, click his self-image:


For no good reason, look at this cool gif:

This story is cross-posted at Doug Drones On.

Pie

Pie, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is indigestion.

2005 Update: Culture beyond parody.

Truce

Truce, n. Friendship.

2005 Update: The exhaustion of wit and weapon.

Note: a4g is hosting an Offend-a-Thon on his site to raise money for Catholic Charities' relief efforts on the Gulf Coast. He and his co-writers will be adding tasteless parodies of the suffering of Katrina's victims in order to help them. More evidence if any's needed that bloggers are a strange tribe. The site has links to donate to Catholic Charities and other relief agencies.