Monday, May 01, 2006


FIEND, n, A being whose existence is invaluable to the newspaper reporters, to whom, however, it is but just to admit that they commonly censure and deplore his way of life. To the "Fiend in human shape" they exhibit a particular animosity, insensible, it would seem, to the compliment implied by his assumption of the "form divine." Their condemnation of the "fire-fiend" is notably tempered by a certain lurid enthusiasm, and the "lunch-fiend" suffers only such disfavor as is provoked by his competition.

2006 Update: A criminal of unspeakable evil and unobservable malfeasance.

Belated Happy Birthday to my nephew, His Royal Highness, the Archfiend Jacob Stephen Pascover, from Ungagugie. At least I was on-time to your party.



Mutha said...

Man. From the look in the pictures, seems he's on to you Doug. You don't want to provoke fiends. Approach from the side. Don't look them in the eye.

Ariel the Thief said...

Mutha, they're gonna look you in the eye anyway.

it must have been one great birthday party where one uncle is a Pascover, better than an amusement park, you bet. Happy Belated Birthday, young mister!

Doug The Una said...

Literally, on to me, Mutha. I'll try that next time. Standing upwind might not be such a good idea, though.

Thanks, Actonbell. Rabbit, rabbit!

Good point, Ariel. The only options with fiends are surrender and pepper spray. I'll pass along your birthday wishes.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Jacob!
Fiend is just "friend" with the r left out.

Lila said...

Rabbit, rabbit!

Those are great pictures! What a great expression on Jacob's face.

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Weirsdo. A friend not r's?

Thanks Star and Aral. The boy knows his way around precious.

Sar said...

Happy birthday your royal Jacobness! Since I got your sister a crown for her birthday, it's now your turn. So for you, Jacob, I offer a crown adorned with jingling jester bells so you can shake your cute little head and drive your Ungagugie nuts!

Doug, judging from the (very adorable) pictures, I'd say we're looking at the heir apparent to Waking Ambrose. Perhaps Prattler, though time will tell. And potentially Jacob Drones On? After all, isn't droning a matured state of whining (assuming the adorable mini-fiend is a normal kid who has bouts whining that is). ;)

Sar said...

Oh and Rabbit Rabbit!

And did you notice, I beat you to the Pez's this month - nah nah na nah nah! Okay, you got me on 3D's, but that's only because you obviously consipired with Blogger to keep my comment from going through last night, so that doesn't really count.

Anonymous said...

Nicely done Ungaugie. Perfect picture. Her majesty, Queen Payton, overlooking the entire situation, Uncle Doug doing the heavy lifting, and ArchFiend Jacob viewing the future with a touch of whimsy in his eyes.

Jester is right sar. "granpateve, comon" ["granda pa come on," for those who do not speak toddler] is irresistable

Anonymous said...

I so expected a different picture twhewn I saw the word fiend. You have damaged me ,in some manner,for life.

Happy Birthday to the archfiend. He is cute for a fiend.

Anonymous said...

Damn that was me.

Who are we calling smart now?

The amoeba said...

A friend is a fiend when you're fried and you find you must fend for yourself. The end.

Lagomorph, lagomorph!

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Sar. Actually I think Jacob's cousin might have the personality for it. Jacob's a future Belle of the Brawl.

Howdy, pops! Yeah the word "Peez" is pretty effective, too. My shoulders were sore Sunday.

Alice, I doubt the damage is for life, but beware. He takes many forms. I stand by my previous comment. You're smart and an insouciant typist.

O Ceallaigh, good wordplay. And hare, hare!

Unknown said...

Happy Birthday, lil darling!

fhltooc: fiends, however little, are too cool

Anonymous said...

Fiends...bad. Won't even say how certain lying fiends should leave my blog, go away and never come back. Wait...he's not a fiend, he's an entirely different word.

Mischevious birthday boys are not fiends! Happy belated to your nephew Uncle Doug!

The amoeba said...

Hare, hare, the gang's all ear.

Happy birthday, and happy happy joy joy to your scheming little celebrant. :)

Kyahgirl said...

aww, how sweet is that Ungagugie? Happy Birthday to the little fiend. He and his sister obviously have worked their evil toddler magic on their 'unga' and 'granpateve'.

The short fiends are the most dangerous!

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Karma. And Jake's a cool little fiend.

Thanks, Jenna. I'll trust the first sentence isn't directed at me. I like going to your blog.

Thanks, O Ceallaigh. Fiends never have bad birthdays.

Kyahgirl, that's why I keep a jar of chloroform in my back pocket when I visit my brother.

Logophile said...

Your nephew is a cutiepie!
(As are you, I might add)
Hope you had a Happy Birthday, archfiend!

And for today a couple quotes, the first because I suspect it will put many in mind of the man I thought of when I read it and the second because it amuses me.

“The ordinary man with extraordinary power is the chief danger for mankind - not the fiend or the sadist.”
Erich Fromm

“I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.”
George Bernard Shaw

Kyahgirl said...

see, now you could have a little safety incident with a jar of chloroform. what you need to get is those little foil wrapped chloroform towelettes. They are unobtrusive and convenient.
Chocolate coated Candies with a tranquilizer filling work too.

Anonymous said...

'Tis not you Doug. Never you!

TLP said...

Rabbit Rabbit. You have a beautiful family Doug.

Fiend, n.,
There are two categories of fiends.
1. Small fiend: A heathen with great power. See Small person who understands that it is easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.

2. Large fiend: One who wants what he wants. See Sex fiend.

Sar said...

Hey thanks Granpateve. I too speak toddler which is also highly effective in my household.

Doug, Jacob doesn't look like a Belle though there's always the possibility the photo isn't showing his toddler stilettos (that could explain your sore shoulders). Otherwise, Brawn of the Brawl perhaps?

Minka said...

Boy I am late to teh party. Any cake left?
is it just me, or does the fiend´s face in the first pic look all grown up and wise beyong his years?
Anyways, the best of luck to this young man´s journey in life. I love the second pic.:)

And Actonbell....typing "the" like "teh" is sooo my thing! :) Catching on, ey!? I have alwyas been somewhat of a trendsetter...

Doug The Una said...

Those are great quotes, Logo, and thanks. I didn't expect it to take this long for people to turn to the commander-in-chief and I didn't think it would be that subtle.

Cowgirl, he likes his heroin. Thanks.

Thanks, Kyahgirl, I didn't know you could get Somatic Kim Wipes. It may be a Canadian thing.

Jenna, I was pretty sure but thought I'd check.

Thanks, TLP. It's what makes us compatible with the Eastern Pezes. I'm a pretty large, by the way.

The brawn of the brawl, host with the most. Jake's future unfolds before me.

Minka, the party's always going strong when you get here and there's always cake. I had the same thought about Actonbell's "teh" but didn't want to say anything.

LeMas. said...

fiend-one coversation away from becoming a friend.

Anonymous said...

Your niec looks a bit enamored with her uncle--and Jacob can't be an ArchFiend--too adorable

Happy belated birthday, Jacob. know you realize that while it might be difficult to inherit Doug's kingdom, you are learning from the best.

Did I say that? Uh, won't change my comment

The Village Idiot said...

Fiend -- A plumber that does not cap a sewer cleanout

Lesser Fiend -- Plumbing inspector that doesn't notice the uncapped line.

Very cute kid ungagugie. Took me quite a while to deciper that. I have moved on to the teen grunt and my toddler babble is rusty.

Em said...

heheheh Archfiend.. :) He certainly looks royal, or an ancient cherub waiting to reveal his unspeakable eeeeeeevil. Or cuteness. Same thing, if you ask me.

Doug The Una said...

Or a single "chance encounter," Masil?

Aw, thanks, Pia. Actually Payton is enamored of hair. It's a different view from her dad's shoulders.

Village Idiot, you're overcomplicating things. Fiend, n. A plumber.

Hey, Em! There's a fine line indeed between eeeeeeeeevil and cuteness. I look at it this way, evil:cuteness::song:breath. No offense, by the way.

Kyahgirl said...

doug I keep looking at your picture because you look so familiar...why, why?

I got it, my kids watch this nature show (Zaboomafoo) and its run by these two guys, the Kratt brothers. You look like one of them and I keep thinking you're him. Weird. So handsome by the way.

not to embarrass you, but it had to be said. I'm sure all the ladies were thinking it anyway :-)

TLP said...

Yes. Handsome. I hate to swell your head, but it's so true. The kids are cute as well of course.

Anonymous said...

Kyahgirl, my comparison of who Doug looks like is influenced by hockey cuz I looked at him and thought "Wow, he looks like Doug Gilmour!"

New definition for fiend: one who writes cagey emails when a writer was, um, heavily influenced by alcohol and can't figure out what the heck he was talking about. Even when she has sobered up. Deciphering his fiendishness is going to drive me nuts all day. Cagey fiend. He knows me well. Sigh. Curses. Fiend! Evil, cagey fiend!

Semisweet1 said...

Are these pictures what you call "redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation?" You have outed yourself, Doug! You are not a cynic, but a cutic. Oh, horror!

Logophile said...

semisweet~ He is multitalented, be can be a cynic and a cutie because he is just THAT good.

Doug The Una said...

Aw, thanks, Kyahgirl. In cyberspace no-one can see you blush.

Cowgirl, I googled the Kratt brothers. A friend of mine the same age as the younger went to Carleton and never mentioned anything.

Thanks, TLP, a little sarcasm would be good right now.

Jenna, I bet I have more teeth. For now. Stick around. You're among free-range friends here.

S, there is no contradiction between misanthropy and a fondness for monkeys.

Doug The Una said...

Thank you, Logo. I suspect if anyone thinks the cute can't be curmudgeonly, they just need some time at Ariella's house. Cute, curmudgeonly and under-10 is an extraordinary accomplishment. You raise them right.

The Village Idiot said...

misanthropy and a fondness for monkees?

I think I need to do some research here

Jamie Dawn said...

That is a GREAT picture! You look very happy being sandwiched between those little sweeties. Payton is a princess and Jacob is a beautiful little boy. I'm sure are the bestest uncle in the whole, wide world! Your smile shows that you might actually like those kids.

Fiend: What I often mis-type when I'm trying to type the word "friend." I also do this with the word "brother," which I mistakenly type "bother." There are many times throughout my life when bother for brother was not that far off.

Happy Belated B-day to Payton's little bother!

Kyahgirl said...

pssst Jenna-you're so right :-)
I had to go to a meeting (where, of course, everyone was talking about hockey *rolls eyes*) then I had to google Gilmour because I couldn't remember what he looks like.

This picture here is perfect!

(so sorry Doug, just ignore us while we sort this out, just think of us as obnoxious little and big sisters, this is what we do)

Ariel the Thief said...

the Gilmour I know was degraded into background effect by Roger Waters, they say. Doug, it doesn't happen in a solo carrier.

Sar said...

Okay wait. I've seen Zooboomafoo and I can't picture Doug resembling either brother. I'm confused. And didn't Mireille point out Doug looks like Benjamin Franklin? I can't keep up. Doug, you look like a fine Ungadugie and curmudgeon host. How's that?

dddragon said...

Doug, I just LOVE that photo!! Happy Birthday to the ArchFiend! The look on his face tells it all.

dddragon said...

oh, and Rabbit Rabbit!

Doug The Una said...

Village Idiot, there are many case studies on the topic, I believe.

Jamie Dawn, I much honored for my ability to carry two small simians simultaneously and my strength in the dwarf toss.

OK, Kyahgirl. Let me know how things turn out.

Ariel, David Gilmour's first solo album has been a favorite of mine since the mid-80s. The second one not so much, although I was still using substances (great euphemism!) when it came out.

That's right, Sar! I look like Benjamin Franklin, dammit! They even called me the $5 Cowboy.

Alana said...

Those photos are Adorable with a capital A!

Curmudgeons everywhere are turning in their graves.

Anonymous said...

From early days of infancy, through trembling years
of youth, long murky middle-age and final hours
long in the tooth, he is the hundred names of terror ---
creature you love the least. Picture his name before
you and exorcise the beast.

He roved up and down through history --- spectre
with tales to tell. In the darkness when the
campfire's dead --- to each his private hell. If you look
behind your shoulder as you feel his eyes to feast, you
can witness now the everchanging nature of the beast.


If you wear a warmer sporran, you can keep the foe at
bay. You can pop those pills and visit some
psychiatrist who'll say --- There's nothing I can do
for you, everywhere's a danger zone. I'd love to help
get rid of it, but I've got one of my own.

There's a beast upon my shoulder and a FIEND upon
my back. Feel his burning breath a heaving, smoke
oozing from his stack. And he moves beneath the
covers or he lies below the bed. He's the beast upon
your shoulder. He's the price upon your head. He's
the lonely fear of dying, and for some, of living too.
He's your private nightmare pricking. He'd just love
to turn the screw. So stand as one defiant --- yes, and
let your voices swell. Stare that beastie in the face
and really give him hell.

BTW... what a darlin' your nephew is! :)

Kyahgirl said...

jenna didn't come back to play Doug so I guess we'll never know. Oh well :-)

ok, I have to go watch hockey now-its a requirement for us nefarious types.

Doug The Una said...

Yup, Dddragon. Pure evil. And thanks. And Rabbit, Rabbit!

Squaregirl, it's an adorable extravaganza.

Shayna, thank you, ma'am. I'm guessing Iron Maiden or Spïnal Täp.

Kyahgirl, enjoy your sport in the nefarious north.

ninjapoodles said...

I have been out of the loop TOO long. Good grief, these are pretty children.

So, following up on your proposal over at my arranging marriages this early, can we preclude them from ever dating? 'Cause I'm O.K. with that.

Anonymous said...

Oh was I supposed to find pictures of Doug Gilmour? Oops.

I was watching the game. I'm very bummed now. Sigh.

Miz BoheMia said...

Fiend... a tazmanian devil under cover, among us, as laughing little boys who wreak havoc, HAVOC I SAY, as they smile the mishief away and looking damn cute while they're at it!

Happy birthday to little Jacob! He looks like he knows something I don't know which I am sure Lil' Mischief knows!

Doug The Una said...

Hey, Belinda. I'll check with my brother and sister-in-law. It should work out.

And I'm bummed for you, Jenna, but not with you.

Miz Bohemia, he knows he has toys that outweigh him by 10 stone. Thanks for the wishes, I'll see that he hears a happy birthday and a Bohemians looooooovvveee fiends!

Oh, and by the way, friends, Blogger seems to have that "I will not publish" attitude this morning so the word for Tuesday is:

OVERCHARGE, v. To ask a higher price than you can get.

2006 Update: To charge.

Indeterminacy said...

Fiend: Are you sure you spelled it right?

Anonymous said...

Fiend: any of a genus of home contractors who take money due someone else and flee to Malaysia. Just coming to your blog highly recommended from Courting Destiny - you are a funny guy.

Doug The Una said...

Real sure, friend.

Welcome, Gina. Any friend of Pia's is a friend of mine (spelled intentionally.) Is there a genus of home contractors that doesn't take unearned money and go to Malaysia? And where can I find them?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the welcome Doug, I am just exchanging e-mails with Pia regarding you. Just getting into the blog world (I actually wrote the letter to the LI Press about the cover) and really just started browsing about recently. So I will be back to chat. I did come highly recommended by Pia. Don't laugh - Sonny really did go back to his homeland of Malaysia <..>

Doug The Una said...

Well then welcome to blogging too. I'll look forward to seeing you around and if you have or start a site of your own, please let me know.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Doug - don't have, may start, but will let you know. In the meantime, I will keep reading and commenting to get my sea legs.

Anonymous said...

jethro tull...