Thursday, April 05, 2007


FRIEND, n. An investigator upon the slide of whose microscope we live, move and have our being.

2007 Update: Someone on whom we rely to trust when we lie, uphold when we fail and pay interest when we steal. Someone who offers us folly when we pursue crime, a complementary partner in error.


Omnipotent Poobah said...

friend - A deaf, dumb, and blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball...and expects the same in return.

Jamie Dawn said...

A friend is someone who loves you when you are at your best and who TELLS you when you are at your worst.

Minka said...

friend, symbiosis as its best

Minka said...

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-Carl Jung-

Anonymous said...

Friend: GE's more efficient version of the popular NBC television program, conceived by committee, following strict "Six Sigma" design discipline. Cheaper, leaner, meaner -- damn shame nobody wanted to watch just Joey.

Anonymous said...


Friend: (seasonal) Judas.

Mo'a said...

Friend: One who likes/loves you even when you neglect them.

Did anyone notice that I was missing?

Anonymous said...

to an infant: any one bringing ointment and dry diapers
to a toddler: anyone with cookies
to an elementary school child: someone to blame for one's own poor choices
to the teen: someone who wears the label "us" instead of "them"
to a young adult: whoever's at the party
to an adult: those who share our burdens, joys and tears
to a geriatic: anyone still alive from any or all of the above stages; and/or anyone who will stop by their bedside in the nursing home

Unknown said...


plofr: plain ole friend

Doug The Una said...

Poobah, so, like a codependent Tommy?

J.D. you're always at your best. No you're not!

Minka, good quote, little lichen.

Al, three errors per million makes a lousy sitcom. The second definition is grand.

Mo'a, I think we all pined. We just didn't want to say anything and make you feel bad.

Quill, to an adult: The ex's future former.

Karma, in need.

Anonymous said...

Doug, isn't that what I said?

Anonymous said...

Friend: (oftentimes) ambiguous designation for the "other" person in one's life. (a favorite among mobsters, cheating spouses and/or confirmed bachelors, or so i've heard.)

the following is one of my all-time favorite quotes regarding friends, dogs, and/or... uh, dogs as friends: When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. ~Edward Abbey


G said...

friend: the one who not only knows where the bodies are buried, but who helped you bury them.

Anonymous said...

"A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one that will be sitting next to you in the cell saying 'That was awesome.' " -Anonymous

I know...I never quote...but I love this one.

Friends will also provide alibis for you. Sweet.

TLP said...

Friend: Chosen family. A person who knows your darkest side, and likes you anyway.

Miz BoheMia said...

Friend... that special someone who looooves you in spite of yourself... you are making us get all MUSHY!

Qué está pasando? I ASK!

Dios mio!

Anonymous said...

FRIEND, n. An entity in which the "I" is silent.

Ariel the Thief said...

friend: who doesn't make you pay for their love.

Doug The Una said...

Just clarifying, Quilly.

Neva, Edward Abbey can kiss my tail. "F**k off, Abbey!"- John Nichols, The Magic Journey.

g, a true friend is the one you buried.

Jenna, quoting anonymous doesn't count. You probably made it up.

Miz B, Desculpa me. Mañana, un mejor "f" palabra.

Amoeba, or the "r?"

Ariel, that's a fool or a floozy.

Anonymous said...

funny, i suspect he'd have said the same of you.

come to think of it, Edward Abbey made a pretty fair curmudgeon, and might have been a friend to the likes of you, bub -- buried in his old blue sleeping bag? carted out to the desert in the back of a pick-up? demanded folks consume copious amounts of beer and dine on meat, chili, beans (in your face, Nichols) and corn on the cob at his "wake"? sounds like your kind of guy. (just not your dogs')

Unknown said...

Friend, n. Of those who annoy you, one whom you are at least willing to endure.

Unknown said...

Aaack. Actonbell used "endure" while I was going through the 49 cycles of word verification it takes to publish a comment here.

A second try:

Friend, n. The apogee of the dramatic arc which begins with cocktails and ends in court.

Anonymous said...

Friend: those people who can disapear for years but when you talk to them you both realize that time was wasting, and you should never be out touch again, but the conversation sounded like you saw you each other yesterday

If this doesn't sound cohorent, I had one of those experiences yesterday with Lucia and my two other best friends--we just scattered, but the blenderbusters shall rise again---though we're more busted blenders now

Tom & Icy said...

I'm the best! Friend, that is.

mireille said...

these definitions are all good; the toughest thing to truly be. xoxo

TLP said...

Friend: Some kind-hearted soul, like me, who still likes you, EVEN THOUGH YOU SKIPPED THE F**K RIGHT OVER HER IN YOUR D*AMN RETURN COMMENTS.

Okay. I'm over it now. Have a lovely evening. YOU DAWG. I'm a true friend. I will have forgotten this entire matter tomorrow. Or one day soon. I hope. YOU better hope. I do know your address mister. I have friends in CA, ya know. Fiend friends. Dangerous people. Mormon and all.

Doug The Una said...

Actonbell, so a true friend will go to prison for your murder? Now there's a definition!

Neva, in truth, Nichols was paraphrasing America's response to Albee's "Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell." I still think Willie and Walela are pleased with arrangement.

a4g, so someone who's stench dissolves in your smoke? That second one gave me a good chuckle.

Pia, tell us the origin of "blenderbusters." Was one of the friends Shelby?

Icy, someone who cleans your recycling is a friend indeed.

And far from the quietest, Mireille.

Oh, TLP, you're right. I'm a bad blogson.

Anonymous said...

You know who they are.

That's it.

tsduff said...

"The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right."
~Mark Twain

I Dive At Night said...

Friend: The person who hands you a fryingpan just before you're about to loose the fist fight.


Minka said...

*taps fingers for no apparent reason*

Minka said...

*looks impatiently*

Anonymous said...

last night's fortune cookie (not making this up):

"A friend asks only for your time and not money."

so....? what time is is again? *taps foot in time with Minka's impatient fingers*

Minka said...

*rolls eyes*

Doug The Una said...

Cooper, so a friend is like pornography? Excuse me, erotica?

Terry, Twain was a wise man but a questionable friend, maybe. I always thought a friend is someone who, when you're fighting the good fight, pulls your pants down in public.

Morgan, I see you are a man who has known true friendship.

OK, ok, ok, Minka and Neva!I guess a true friend is someone who cares that you're on time not whether you're brilliant.

Minka said...

why change a life-long habit today, I ask!


Cie Cheesemeister said...

The second member of a foile de deux.