Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Advice to my Nephew, Jake, on the day after his fifth birthday (Adults Only)

When it's time to get up out of bed
Don't lead with your soft blond head
First stick out your two big toes
And move them slowly to and fro.
Then pull back your little paws
Counting up all your claws.

And if your feet are whole, don't hurry,
But make sure first there's nothing furry.
Slowly sticking out your mitt
To feel the bedside, bit by bit
And then inspect the hand retracted.
Make sure no digits were redacted.

And even if all still seems well
Keep the blanket o'er your face a spell.
That's the hardest part to do without,
So if you still have any doubt
Don't risk your little pumpkin head
While books may lurk beneath your bed.

AVUNCULAR, adj. Quotidian, one day behind.


quilly said...

This is how I get up every morning! Who told?! Amoeba!

looks areound First?

sauerkraut said...

Avuncular - av, uncle, you are. A word I have neither seen nor heard since my SAT prep days. So Jake is on your mother's side and he fell out of bed headfirst whilst reading a book? Or did he see the latest from Monsters, Inc.?

Tom & Icy said...

Bet you gave him a dictionary as a birthday present.

Doug The Una said...

You were first today, Quilly. Must have got up in record time.

Sauerkraut, that's a more complex scenario than I'd imagined.

A coloring dictionary, Icy.

TLP said...

Awww....sweet poem. I bet you're a great uncle. A funny uncle.

Anonymous said...

What a fantabulous poem, Uncle Doug.

Fantastic name for a nephew I must say.

Ariel the Thief said...

LOL! Borning a Pascover does not make life any easy. I love the drawing. Where is it from?

Doug The Una said...

TLP, I'll take credit for being a funny and reckless uncle.

And Jenna, a fine name for an Aunt. Both Jakes have one.

Ariel, I commissioned a sketch artist from Milan. According to his resume he also does all the Guggenheim stationary.

Jamie Dawn said...

Happy Belated Birthday to your five year old nephew!!
Five year olds are a lot of fun! They are feeling pretty good about themselves and their vast amount of knowledge of the A, B, Cs, and they can usually tell some great stories to their uncles. I would bet a large sum of money that you are a wonderful uncle.


the amoeba said...

Happy Birthday, Jake - and happy versifying, Doug. I'm sure Jake won't hold this against you when you're older. Of course, that may depend on just how much curmudgeonliness you teach him.

BOOK, n. The new banana peel.

Quilly? The method is less important than the fact. Oh, you are up ...

Cooper said...

Avuncular sounds too much like a growth of some kind.

You are a good uncle I'm sure.Love the birthday poem.

No Bibliophobic nephew would you have.

weirsdo said...

A belated happy birthday to Jake. May he stave off the shades of the prisonhouse as long as possible.

Doug The Una said...

J.D., when did you meet Jacob?

Amoeba, if I don't teach him anti-social behavior nobody will.

Actonbell, I probably will by the time he's blogging.

No bibliophilic nephew have I, Cooper.

Weirsdo, the odds are against him and I don't think stripes will flatter, but thank you all the more for your wish.

Anonymous said...

Well legally I'm not a Jenna...but I play one when I write.

Ariel the Thief said...

Oh that's the mitt at his head! You can tell true art by its showing you somehting new every day. :-P

Doug The Una said...

You play it well, Jenn.

Um, yeah, that's right, Ariel!

tsduff said...

Lucky kiddo, having an uncle who writes a poem for his birthday. That's neat.

weirsdo said...

Did Blogger eat my comment? I was explaining that I was alluding to Wordsworth's "Immortality" ode, not predicting a dire future for the poor lad.

Unnur litla said...

LOL:..I agree with are a weird, but funny, uncle. Bless your cotton socks. Excellent drawing...a talent we have not hithero been aquainted with!!!

Minka said...

Ups, above comment by me:

Happy belated birthday, Jake!!!

Doug The Una said...

Terry, he's luckier because I can still toss him over my head and threaten him with the roof. Plus, I'm a better than average pirate.

Blogger must have et your comment, Weirsdo, I didn't see it. You're in good company in that regard, as Jake will be in the can.

Minka, Jake will be delighted to get your message and Unnur's.