Thursday, August 30, 2007

Egotist

EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Megaceph, chosen to serve the State
In the halls of legislative debate,
One day with all his credentials came
To the capitol's door and announced his name.
The doorkeeper looked, with a comical twist
Of the face, at the eminent egotist,
And said: "Go away, for we settle here
All manner of questions, knotty and queer,
And we cannot have, when the speaker demands
To be told how every member stands,
A man who to all things under the sky
Assents by eternally voting 'I'."


2007 Update:  A slow-footed servant.
7:15 A.M. Update:  A butterfly seeking a book deal.

Gather 'round children and listen to me
For I offer a warning against vanity
In my house on the hilltop, a tall mirror stands
For my image alone to be shown to my fans.
I hired a butler to be trained by the maid
For my comfort, not his, he was to be paid.
But I caught him at my mirror, adjusting his tie.
When pride fills your wings, better know how to fly.
Humbly, I hung this egotist from the rafter
And I tell you this story for caution and laughter.

-from My Diary

31 comments:

Joel said...

not to be egotistical but I think I'm first?

Minka said...

"from MY diary!"

brilliant!

I like Ambroses definition very much,too.

Logophile said...

Making a quick note here never to work for Doug. Ok, now, where were we?
Oh yes, I am artiste, dang it, and you will respect my I.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

eggoist - One enamored of frozen waffles.

goldennib said...

I did not see my name mentioned anywhere. I demand a re-write.

tsduff said...

Where did 'e go?

puppybrose said...

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people ~ George Carlin

i'm sure I could have come up with something better... but i've got more important things to do with my time. ; )

Doug said...

Yeah, yeah, Joel. Whatever.

Minka, Bierce and the diarist bow.

Logo, your j needs work.

Poobah, to which I gladly confess.

Better, Nessa?

Terry, 'e doesn't answer the questions of a crow.

Have to finish that level, Neva?

I Dive At Night said...

You can't have an ego without an id. So where you find an egotist there too shall you find an idiot.

Eggotists usually come with syrup.

Mo'a said...

"Are you looking at me?"..."Why not?"
"Look at me I say"..."What?" "Me an Egotist"..."What ever gave you that Idea?"
"I only googled my name 50 times this week"

I Dive At Night said...

I used to be an egotist but found hummility; so now I'm perfect. :-)

Minka said...

egotist,n. a broken person viewed through a shattered mirror

in MY head that makes perfect sense!

Doug said...

Morgan, I find egoists and idiots everywhere I look.

Mo'a did you find anything embarrassing?

Congratulations, Morgan. I hope it fit.

Actually Minka, that's kind of perfect in my head, too. Well done.

Jamie Dawn said...

Egotist: A person who finds a way to make everything about him/her. At parties, they are the "one uppers" who ALWAYS have a bigger & better story to tell than yours.

Mayor Pascover sounds pretty good. If ever you DO become mayor, give out chocolate keys to the city.

javajazz said...

Terry, I before E, eh?

tsduff said...

JJ - best one yet. Touche away!


Jamie Dawn - HA HA - Not much to open with a key there... unless it is a skeleton key...

goldennib said...

Doug talked about me. I am happy now, as I know all the rest of you are happy for me, too.

TLP said...

Too close to Friday, July 22, 2005's post. Sorry, but I don't have time for these repeats.
I've got 'portant stuff to do, ya know. BTW, I'm sure there's some way you could fix this blog so that I don't have to bother with that pesty word verifier thingie.

TLP said...

Too close to Friday, July 22, 2005's post. Sorry, but I don't have time for these repeats.
I've got 'portant stuff to do, ya know. BTW, I'm sure there's some way you could fix this blog so that I don't have to bother with that pesty word verifier thingie.

TLP said...

Anything I say is worth saying twice.

Doug said...

Jamie Dawn, when you come to visit I'll have the streets paved with truffle.

Ah ha, JJ. Well done.

Terry, mainly stones. But a chocolate key fits that.

TLP, you seem to have a little time.

the amoeba said...

We're now living in a place that has a security gate. We're about to enter ...

Q: "I'd better be sure that I have my I.D."

OC: "Get out your E.G.O. too, while you're at it."

Q: "My E.G.O.? What's that, and where does it say that I need it?"

OC: "You didn't leave home without it, did you?"

Q: "I never heard of such a ... [dark, fearsome grumbles]."

the amoeba said...

Does an EGOtist need IDentification? Judge for yourself (true story):

Graduate student in a cellular biology laboratory picks up the phone. Irate voice on the other end demands to speak with grad student's professor. Grad student, who is new and even more clueless than the profession normally calls for, politely asks, "May I say who is calling?"

"WHAT!?! What do you mean you don't know who I am!! I'm [deleted]!!"

actonbell said...

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
-Oscar Wilde

cooper said...

My favorite egoist Dorian Gray. Of course someone hit on Oscar first because I'm never early.

My Diary - that was the best. It was all great though.

The OE said...

Egotist: (From Dutch "Egoghtister)Someone obsessed with a relative or associate of Vincent van Gogh, any of whom may have a name beginning with the letter E. "Elvis, quite the egotist, didn't die; he's been wandering around Holland wearing wooden shoes and looking for the great great nephew, thrice removed, of Vincent van Gogh's first music teacher."

javajazz said...

actually, medium rare,
but muchas gracias.

Doug said...

Amoeba, I kinda hope Q gave you quick kick for that. Funny, but deserving of a kick. The story below repeats over and over and brings a simle whenever it occurs.

Actonbell, great quote, especially since Wilde went on to learn that reality is the first among crimes.

Thanks, Cooper. You are an ego-nurse.

And may he find him, OE. May he find him.

Zap, JJ. Aren't we red in the center today?

PANSI!!!!! said...

Hi Mr. Dog!!! Sory I dint reed you're defanishon but I am in a big hurry to invite YOU to joyn MY (and Jesuses) Fan Club!!!!! its the PANSI 'n' JESUS Fan Club!!!!! Im going to be teeching how to show off you're boddy for the Lord and you can also do Publick Service WITH ME like forcing are relijon on the heething and rebilding MY 12 step's wich were axidentally used for some stupid PLAY ground thing for kid's who autta be in MY ('n' jesuses) FAN CLUB insted!!!!!
Well I gotta be going!!!! My life is like nonSTOP!!!!
Kiss kiss!!!!!

ariel said...

my experience is that a true egotist is happier, healthier and lives longer than other people.

oh Pansi, is the Lord going to eat Doug's body?

Doug said...

Kiss kiss, Pansi. Save me a seat in the first row.

Ariel, it probably seems that way, yes.