Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Free Trade

FREE-TRADE, n.  The unrestricted interchange of commodities between nations-not, it must be observed, between states or provinces of the same nation.  That is an entirely different thing, so we are assured by those who oppose free-trade, although wherein the difference consists is not altogether clear to anybody else.  To all but those with the better lights it seems that what is the sauce for the goose is sauce for any part of the goose, and if a number of states are profited by exclusion of foreign prodcts, each would be benefited (and therefore all prosper) by exclusion of the products of others.  To these benighted persons, too, it appears that if high duties on imports are beneficial, their absolute exclusion by law would be more beneficial; and that the former commercial isolation of Japan and China must have been productive of the happiest results to their logical inhabitants, with the courage of their opinions.  What defect the protectionist sees in that system he has never had the goodness to explain- not even their great chief, the unspeakable scoundrel whose ingenious malevolence invented that peerless villainy, the custom house.  See PROTECTION.

2007 Update:  A policy protecting sovereignty for the milk-pail against the tyranny of cows.

A patriot rose from his good lunch,
And denounced to the crowd at the diner,
The foreign tortilla, the alien waiter
And the sauce made from a Peruvian minor.

The crowd rose up and roared with approval
Then returned to the bread and the feast
While the wheat might come from overseas
Our brothers are there in the yeast.


Mo'a said...

First ;)

pia said...

"sauce made from a Peruvian minor"
nice poem

There has to be someway to work Karl Rove into this

Mutha said...

Free-school yesterday...free trade today...when did this blog get so pinko? Especially with a guy running the show who does his best impression of the troll who lives under the bridge (Watch out school children! He wants to gobble you up!!).

Free trade: My seven year old bent over a pack of cards with cartoon characters them, another boy is sitting next to him, shoulder to shoulder, with a look of painful anticipation. My son says, "Maybe I will trade you Peekachu tomorrow...I don't feel like it today."
The other boy pleads, "Can I have an over-night trade? I just want to hold it."
My son thinks it over. "Okay," he finally says.
They automatically link pinkies and say at the same time, "Trade backs."
The deal is done.

The Old Mule said...

free trade: an old nordic myth.

quilly said...

Free Trade n. Pft! How can it be free if you have to trade something to get it? The real free trade happens at gun point.

the amoeba said...

FREE TRADE, n. In the physics of international commerce, an essential application of the laws of gravity - everything, including the rights of humanity, falls to the lowest possible price.

Be careful, our brothers might indeed be there in the yeast. Literally.

Though, Quilly, free trade is indeed two-way. The gun toter gets goods, the target gets peace - except from his rumbling stomach.

karma said...

free Tibet.

Douglas, are you free-loading these days? try me, you know i'm an Indian giver

jyykhnmt: joy and kontentment

TLP said...

Free trade: Giving the Native Americans a string of beads for all of Manhattan. (To be fair I'm sure that we'd give them two strings now.)

Minka said...

free trade...how come everything political seem to have the word free in it? Free trade, freedom of speech, free schools...it's like being led blindfolded to the scaffold that we know is there!

Can I have your new hybrid, I´ll trade you two pókemons and a pair of my flip flops. You have 24 hours!

Logophile said...

...the more things stay the same.

Golly, this was almost as depressing as a Prattler post

Kyahgirl said...

"a policy protecting sovereignty for the milk-pail against the tyranny of cows."

you got it. you gotta watch out for those cows. they are diabolical.

Free-trade: where Canada gives away its highest quality natural resources to other countries for a song, so Canadians can have the dubious pleasure of buying crap in their own stores or buying back their own stuff for a much higher price.
wow, our negotiators are not so clever!

Jamie Dawn said...

Bierce had diarrhea of the mouth on that definition.
I grew old reading it.

Your was a joy to read, and the poem was simply delightful.

Free Trade: What we do here in Hickville.
"I'll give you two hogs if you let me marry yer youngest girl."
"Nope. Gotta git rid of the older one first."
"I'll throw in a mule if'n I can have both of 'em."
"It's a deal!"

Jenna Howard said...

Amen Kyahgirl, amen.

Doug said...

Indeed, Mo'a. Well done.

Pia, I have no doubt. Your turn.

And that, Mutha, is commerce at it's most essential.

And enforced at sword-point, Mule?

And the most honest, Quilly.

Amoeba, I'm trying to picture single-celled labor halls.

Karma, I suspected.

TLP, I'll take one strand for Manhattan right now.

Minka, you mean the free-platform on the way to the Friedhof?

Thanks, Logo. That's nice to hear.

Laura, for maple syrup and oil sands, you're lucky we give you cheeseburgers.

Jamie Dawn, it's easy to do business when you keep it in the family.

Jenna, we do pay handsomely for your romance novels, though.

G said...

free trade: exemplified as young girls in my little group of 6 playmates trading our charm collections. Of course Jennifer received a fine bequest from a certain Donna and she didn't trade her charms for anything! She had the best - trolls and evertyhing.

Why is she my best friend today?

tsduff said...

Free trade: What I was suckered into as a child when my brother traded me his "bigger nickle" for my "smaller dime"...

Joel said...

Something Smith-Barney knows nothing about.

puppybrose said...

Something Barney Rubble knows nothing about, either. ; )

Doug said...

Because she still has a bead you want, g?

Terry, I'm making a note of your gullibility.

Joel, they make money the old fashioned way, huh?

Haha, Neva. He makes money the REALLY old fashioned way.

actonbell said...

free trade--lunch time at the local elementary school.

Doug said...

Actonbell, do you think it's still all about the snack packs? My mom never gave me snack packs.