Thursday, August 09, 2007


LEVIATHAN, n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species of gigantic Tadpole (Thaddeus Polandensis) or Polliwig — Maria pseudo-hirsuta. For an exhaustive description and history of the Tadpole consult the famous monograph of Jane Potter, Thaddeus of Warsaw.

2007 Update: The monster in whose belly the prophet Jonah agreed to a time-share in Ninevah.


ariel said...

ah the prophet that was swallowed by a leviathan and spat by a whale.

Minka said...

Nathan in a pair of jeans?

I got nothing!

al said...

Leviathan: Weighing in at four tons and sucking up three gallons of gas to the mile, this particular model was your father's Oldsmobile.

TLP said...

Leviathan: the act of flying, or levitating, out of the mouth of something big, like a whale. Maybe.

Listen, dawg, this site is beginning to make me feel stupid. Just sayin'. Got any easy words?

Omnipotent Poobah said...

leviathan: An absolutely huge pair of Levi's.

Mutha said...

I knew a guy in high school named Thaddeus who was a drunk at 16. Honestly a wino in his teen years. What does that say about whales?!

karma said...

that's a gargantuan definition

Joel said...

hmmm...Jonah and the Tadpole doesn't quite have the same ring to it now does it.

Miz BoheMia said...

Um, what?

Logophile said...

Having no hook, line, or cord (I think that is how it goes) I'm going to have to let this one go.
Besides, I already have a pet.

Doug said...

Yes, Ariel. I think Jonah is Hebrew for "cud."

You got Nathan, Minka. That's something.

Al, also my grandfather.

OK, TLP, I'll look for an easy one tomorrow, but I already did "Cat."

Poobah, the size below mine.

Mutha, that under the sea, rehab is more effective?

Huge, Karma. Big.

Joel, that is just such a good point.

Did I say something, hermanita?

And how are Ariella and the prophets, Logo?

puppybrose said...

ditto TLP.

seriously, all i have at the moment is a gigantic headache. any thoughts on how i might alleviate this monstrous pain? (say something rude an i will SO slap you) ; )

Sar said...


am I the only one anticipating OC's protest?

Rio said...


comparable to the likes of behemoth and ziz

Anonymous said...


tsduff said...

I believe it was after he was spewed up onto the sand that Jonah acquiesced on Ninevah -GROSS to be in the belly of a whale!

Who ever heard of a saltwater tadpole?

Jamie Dawn said...

I've heard this creature explained as a dinosaur, a huge crocodile, or the Loch Ness Monster.
All I know is I would not want to see it in person, unless it was stuffed, of course.
A creature like that could really rush ramrod over someone. (Rush ramrod is what I said to Jason that day just before we met you for lunch. I meant to say "run roughshod." Oh well...)

Logophile said...

Doug, Ariella is doing very well, I just bought her some chunks of raw cow leg to chew on so she is sitting on the back porch getting in touch with her inner lupus.
As for the phrophets, the major ones are long and gory, the minor ones are depressing. Interesting isn't it that so much misery is meant to share the stage with joy unutterable.

goldennib said...

I like whales. I got nothing else.

puppybrose said...

please tell me Leviathan isn't your "nickname" for your *ahem* you-know-what.

unless, of course, you're a bigger "dork" than any of us ever would have imagined and/or believed. ; )

Doug said...

Neva, I think you should send your sons to North Carolina by train for an herb that only grows there called, um, Aperphagia, and have some coffee at home over a good book while they are looking. Sorry to hear about your headache, I hope my rx helps.

Sar, I'm not sure. You may be.

Rio, and the world's smallest big man.

It's ok, Jenna. Back to the werewolves.

Terry, Bierce needed a biologist. Too bad you never met.

Haha, Jamie Dawn, I remember the roughshod. You really are that cute in person.

It is interesting, Logo. The bible is full of curiosities. Some you don't go to hell for.

Nessa, that'll do.

Neva, I'm about shaking laughing. Bad girl!

TLP said...

OMG! Neva!

(Darnitall. Why didn't I think of that?)

cooper said...

Paradise is certainly lost here.

I'm with the feeling dumb and I forgot to say happy birthday to the mamma yesterday so happy birthday mama.

Hobbes said...

One of my favorite books.
A belated Happy Birthday to your mamma.

Anonymous said...

Applaudes Neva. That was just...classic.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Thank you for your visit Doug...Jamie told me about you, too! Wasn't it great to meet her? Such sweet dear fun people!

Doug said...

TLP, I would have expected it from you.

Cooper, we're not really a paradise crowd. I'll pass along your wish.

Of course it is, Hobbes.

Jenna, you'll encourage her to be funny.

Oldoldlady, welcome. She's a good egg, that Jamie Dawn. According to her, you're a fine, warm and elegant lady yourself.

I Dive At Night said...

(1) The size of the fish by the time the story has been told at least twice.
(2) While on a night dive, any creature or thing that suddenly appears inches from your mask.

(Thanks Doug!)

Neva, doesn't your version of laviathan need to be in the context of a water bed?

Doug said...

Sure, Morgan. What's the word for something that appears in front of your mask on the second telling?

ariel said...

the word for that is "F*ck you, Jim! If you ever do this to me again, I'll pull your goddamned tongue right out of your a$$, you motherless dick!"

(I was playing picturing the situation. :))

Cheesemeister said...

A word one will be power-slammed into the wall for using if they use it to describe the still overweight but working on it lady, that is to say, me.

I Dive At Night said...

Doug, the things that scare you and make you scream like a little girl* underwater don't make it into the stories at the bar.

*No offense intended to little girls or people who used to be little girls.