Friday, June 18, 2010


CREST, n. An heraldic device displayed by the American descendants of Sir Crassus Vulgarius, Bearonet, one of the famous retainers of William the Corncurer.
Son of ten fathers! would you sport a crest
To honor one, ignoring all the rest.
The one who in his life you did disgrace
By taking on his name without his face?
His crest? The only one he knew, poor fool,
Adorned the dunce-cap that he wore at school.
Go paint a dandelion and a rag
Upon your panels, and then gravely brag
About their origin- how every panel
Proves that the founder of your line was Dan'l,
Who, cast among the lions' growling pack,
Contemptuously turned on them his back;
But one presuming brute, tradition teaches,
Tore with his tooth the seat of Dan'l's breeches.
'Twas thus the dent de lion and the rag
Became the arms of that illustrious wag.
And ever since each male of Dan'l's line,
Yourself included, as a pious sign
And token of his Scriptural descent,
Has worn a rag protruding from a rent.
2010 Update: An illustrated topknot by which American freemen may lay claim to European authority.


Nessa said...

Crest: My favorite tooth paste.

Nessa said...

Number One again. I rock.

Nessa said...

And number three to take the trifecta.

Nessa said...

We claim an illustrious German family crest but I'm pretty sure the only connection we have to it is polishing it and stealing the name.

the amoeba said...

Listen to Nessa, Dawg. If you don't let the toothpaste out of its tube, then you won't have a crest. And likely, you won't have any teeth, either.

Jim said...

My Scotish ancestors were bannished to the Isle of Man.
Like Nesa, my only Crest come in a tube:
I.e. Jim's Little Photo and Poem Place blog

Ariel the Thief said...

A big part of my mornings and nights is spent fighting with toothpaste. Amazing to what places that thing can make it! With words it is easier, you can never make good for a word anymore once you let it out.

Nessa said...

Jim, I think you and I are at the pinnacle of the royal crest.

Jim said...

Oh yes, K.A, I thought we had struck a truce! Did we or did we not?
I abide with my word until the other party breaks theirs.

Jim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

It's my choice of toothpaste too. Cinnamon because a girl needs a little zing now and then.

the amoeba said...

Not my blog, but ... I submit that there are three peeps here who need to get a room. For one of them, I suggest a padded cell. I would very much like to see the crest of this wave of nastiness and let it pass us by, never to return.

cooper said...

These days they are called "LOGOS" and people brand their blogs with them. ;)

Doug said...

Well done, Nessa, and I think you've earned the right to add a myna bird to the shield.

Amoeba, where wath that advithe when I wath growing up?

Jim, I'm sure most of us in the U.S. are descended from people who, far from being lauded in the halls of power were nearly dangled for the scaffold. Better to lie about our current affairs than tout our ancestors'.

Ariel, words fade faster than toothpaste on your chin.

Nessa, no wonder it's pointy.

Karen and Jim, I'm going to enforce the truce here. Let's keep our comments on topic for now, ok?

Jenn, and girls ought to get their zings.

Amoeba, I applaud that last sentence in particular. It strikes me that the trophies given out for winning fights on blog comment boxes are ethereal and unlustruous enough that winning isn't worth the fighting. If you've got nothing better to do, take up needlepoint.

Blogs need logos, I suppose, Cooper. As long as the engravers stay in business, I'm happy.

quilly said...

CREST, n. the toothpaste of surfers.

actonbell said...

The bear went over the mountain
the bear went over the mountain
the bear went over the mountain,

to see what he could see.
Catch a wave, and you're sittin' on top of the world

And all that he could see, was--
the other side of the mountain,
the other side of the mountain
the other side of the mountain...
Ack! competing earworms before going to bed to rise early tomorrow.

thankyousoverymuch, everyone:)


TLP said...

I got nothin' for crest. Obviously.

Doug said...

Funny, Quilly.

No, A-bell, thank you!

Pennsylvania royalty are so needlessly humble, TLP!

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

My mother makes me use crest. its the onely toothpates i can spell.

Doug said...

Don't worry, Boy. I can't spell with toothpaste in my mouth, either.