Saturday, November 11, 2006

Twist of Fate

Story #70. Even the fates suffer unforseen consequences.

To hear the story, consult the Moriae

To read the story, ask Diogenes a stupid question.

This week in The Prattler, "Hosing Off" to be published around 1 PM TLP standard time.

Then I'll be gone for the weekend. If you need me, turn East from Big Pine and listen for barking. Have a good weekend, all.


Ariel the Thief said...

I don't believe my own eyes. the story's been up since midnight and nobody commented?

I go reading.

Ariel the Thief said...

just too funny, I laughed so much! the ladies well deserved!

The amoeba said...

FATE, v. To celebrate one's birthda ... no, wait, that's FETE. My bad.

No good deed goes unpunished, eh, Do ... er, Diogenes?

Minka really has to be more careful, running with those scissors. The boys she keeps (not) talking about find out, and run faster.


Anonymous said...

Hey, I think I get it this week. Must be the Bacardi 151.

Those three crones (goog luck with that!) figure that, if they give you an inch, you'll take a yard! Just like in real life.

Excellent allegory, D.P. Knowing well that, rich or poor, there's no market for more, may your thread be lustrous and very long.

G said...

Haha, I'm running with scissors right now - no not Scissors. Actually I'm off to violin with Tali we'll be back in the afternoon to gather round and listen. What an honor and what a great story from what I have just read. The fact that I'm in such good company, well it has to be good.

FelineFrisky said...

Fate - It is my fate to hafta wait until Monday to leave for vacation! argh! Can we fast forward? Then slow motion? sigh....

Minka played her part well this morning. So, she is the ultimate first, today! D

Doug The Una said...

Ariel, one day the spotlight shines on you, the next you're an unnoticed voice in the chorus. So it has always been. Glad you laughed.

Truly, O Ceallaigh. Gratitude is a strange thing in these moder times.

All, they're probably right about that. They seem to be. May your dignity and common sense be left in the string.

G, you are certainly in fitting company.

Aw, Diane. I hope the time goes quickly. I also hope you people realize that all the affection you give Minka only encourages her.

Sar said...

Nicely done to both the ladies of Central Snark and the almost birthday curmudgeon on both their apt and entertaining tributes.

Happy Birthday Weekend, Doug!

Anonymous said...

in case you haven't noticed, encouraging teh Penguin is one of the many things we enjoy doing so much! mockin... er... *paying tribute* to your great talent and/or sense of humor is another. hopefully, we'll get to see some of those things from you in the near future. (i kid)

in all honesty, as far as i can tell (now where did i put that eye?), you've spun yourself another winning tale, Dougie. WELL DONE! thank goodness and/or too bad we *all* see you for who you truly are! oh, and so wise of you to give the scissors to Minka, she's the only one in our coven with any real sense. (i'm suspect the "fourth mouth" in your story will be weighing in, shortly)

*wildly applauds the ALMOST birthday boy* BRAVO!! BRAVO!! BRAVO!!

(oh, and thanks for that note at the bottom of your story, but you forgot to include our number.)

Anonymous said...

Minka's scissor's go "snip."
Neva's scissors go "snup."

Great weekend, everyone.

Anonymous said...

I see the Fates are cutting this morning. I do believe that Doug wishes to placate them by offering up the *other* men who stop by here. Perhaps if they are *snipped*, he will avoid being neutered.

Nice try Doug. :)

Charlene Amsden said...

I can't listen or I'll be late again! I cannot do late two days in a row! However, I had to stop in and say, "Happy Birthday, Doug!" How many is that in Dog years?

I'll be back after Sidewalk Sunday School!

Doug The Una said...

Thanks, Sar. Good weekend to you.

Al, you suppose the three go "Snap, crackle and snup?"

Here, bunny. There's carrots in the cauldron.

Thanks, Quilly. Tomorrow I'll be 273 in dog years, but I don't think I look over 250.

TLP said...

*Applause applause!*

Standing ovation! Great story.

But duck! Some women don't like being called crones.

Happy almost birthday kid.

Mo'a said...

Where is Minka today? Running around with scissors?
Great story and tribute to the incredible, veryveryvery smart women of CS

Alana said...

Oh, I loved this one! Excellent job Doug (as well as the Central Snark ladies of course).

Happy Birthday weekend to you to Doug. Of course having a three day birthday celebration is making me suspect that you're actually a diva in the guise of a curmudgeon.

Anonymous said...

that's "snap, CACKLE, and snup"

we'll be here when you get back, Dougie. oh yes. we will be here....

Doug The Una said...

Aw, thanks, Blogmama. Have a great weekend.

Mo'a, God knows. And thank you.

Square, the Sun will come out, TOMORROW!

Puppy, I'll look forward to that. Keep the place cold for me.

OK, y'all. Be tart with each other. Philosopher out!

I Dive At Night said...

Happy (almost) Birthday Doug!

I only dropped by to say that. Then ended up reading the comments and listening to the story. In this group of blog friends, the more I read the more confused I become! *graon*

Oh well, enjoy your b-day any way.


Mutha said...

Now that is one heavy birthday message, my brother. Make sure to bite that cake hard and enjoy every mouthful.

Logophile said...

Oh yes, this was lovely.
(snicker snicker)
I love it.
Happy Birthday, Doug

Anonymous said...

This may be one of the best stories ever (okay I know that I'm partial) but all the nuance captured so perfectly - I didn't miss a thread. Now I'll have to go back and listen a few more times just in case.

What better company to be trapped blind with than my Sisters of the Snark - now where is that fourth mouth?! Perhaps sharpening her scissors...

East from Big Pine you say? Well better birthday cake than humble pie. Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Boy, I bet Neva's grounded and doesn't get to hold the eye for awhile.

This was astonishingly creative, Doug--Bravo! And have a great birthday weekend:)

Kyahgirl said...

How could I not love a story featuring my favorite bloggers!?

You are an astute and discerning man Doug, who, unfortunately, was standing behind the door when God was giving the lecture about caution around crones. I'm pretty sure you'll make it to 39 but 40? All bets are off.

Charlene Amsden said...

Best look at that eye closely ladies. Are you certain Diogenes returned it in mint condition?

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful story...those fates are something! Beware.

Anonymous said...

I get here early and you are gone for the weekend...and to top it off I found out i'm not your favorie blogger...

“Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.”

that's all someone else has to say for me.

Happy Birthday Dawg.

Minka said...

'A Minka is never late, nor is she early, she arrives precicely when she means to!'

I can´t say how much I love this story...there are so many threats to follow, endless material and cutting precicion all over the place. I always immensely enjoy what you write, this: I loved!

I admire, that in all your curmudgeoness you sorta almost appreicate us three to four...wait a minute, did you call us crones??? *furrows brows*

Happy Birthday, big guy! You made it 39 years, which -in and of itself- is a miracle to celebrate. It had to take an end at some point...

Minka said...

So that means I would be one of the Moiraes: Atropos. Awesome. Although I am infamous for hurting myself whenever in charge of a cutting edge.

And don´t worry: even Zeus was subject to our power, the escape chance of a philosophical curmudgeon were tiny to begin with!

*plan laughter*

Anonymous said...

Can never get over the depths of your talent--or something

Wonderful story--and well deserved

Hope that you have an incredible birthday weekend

About that barking--can hear it from here

G said...

Doug - it's official: Happy Birthday!!!

I do love this story and realize where the inspiration for Gamma comes from - you are crafty!

I shall take Ms. Quill's advice and examine that eye very closely which in and of itself presents quite the conundrum - teachers!

Anonymous said...

Happy, happy, joy, joy! B-day, tht is.

Unknown said...

yesterday you were almost birthdayed and it was a stone's throw away but now it's tomorrow in my neck of the woods so Happy 250th Birthday, dawg. you and i meeting is indeed a twist of fate and i'm happy we have been able to see eye-to-eye. but that's another story

gzeszv: god, Zeus is sleeping!

Anonymous said...

Sheesh -- Doug turns 39 and it takes him and his friends three whole days, and still couting, to celebrate it.

That settles it. He must be Jewish.


Ariel the Thief said...

Happy Birthday, Doug! 39 candles recquires a real big cake, but you're lucky I am here to help eat...

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Dougie! one hopes that, whilst traipsing among those big pines, you remembered the sage words of Euell Gibbons, who once said: "Ever eat a pine tree? Many parts are edible." which means, of course, that many parts are *not*. if memory serves, Diogenes once lamented about his inability to assuage hunger by "rubbing his belly" (no need to remind you of what he was found rubbing when he said that).

yes yes, stupid silliness is the best i can do on the occasion of your birth... surrounded by the likes of me, no wonder you fashioned yourself after a cynical philosopher and/or unbathed curmudgeon.

Happy Twenty-Nineteen, Dougie! (you just KNOW we're already plotting for the big 4-0)

dddragon said...


Anonymous said...

Yes they'll be balloons and dunking tanks and pony rides and we'll have it in Central Snark!!! Wait a minutes that sounds familiar.

Where's my eye when I need it? Neva - you and that temper.

Anonymous said...

Hey Gamma -- if you're still thinking of morphing from just plain G, I think this moniker kinda works.

(Sounds a lot like "Grandma", though, so, ummm, Never Mind.)

Anonymous said...

Al: just glad you didn't say "Neva mind", because, well... i'm just glad. (besides, the pronunciation would have been wrong, and therefore not funny, and... well... never mind.)

Lila said...

Happy Birthday, bro! I'm sure glad you'll get to 40 before me...

Hope you had/are having a great day!

G said...

Puppy, I need that eye back...beans it at Al's head!

Anonymous said...


(Gee, G... That's gonna leave a mark...)

Anonymous said...

Hey, Doug! Happy Birthday! Dang, why didn't somebody remind me...

And remember, buddy, it isn't the length of your thread that matters, but how you use it.

Charlene Amsden said...

Al -- I just cracked up laughing and sit sunflower seeds all over my desk. That line was too perfect. Take a bow.

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday you lecherous curmudgeon you!!

Miz BoheMia said...

Hope you are having a good weekend and living it up hermano mio!


I am late to parties these days I am afraid but not to say not thinking of you! May you have a beautiful year full of delightful things that only a self-proclaimed early onset curmudgeon (but I know better than to give in to that title I TELL YOU!) could wish for and may they all come true...

Besos and here's to a funkified hermano! FO SHO!

Mikki Marshall said...

Hooray! Wonderful story.

Happy Birthday Dear Doug
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu!

Doug The Una said...

Thanks to all of you.

Thank you, Morgan, and welcome. We're an odd lot but you seem to be fitting in well. That may worry you. It doesn't me.

Thanks, Mutha. It turned out to be a stone, but I enjoyed it all the same.

Thanks, Logo. Tiramisu?

Thanks, Gamma. A man doesn't have to work hard to turn you guys into something funny.

Thanks, Actonbell. I sure did. I hope Ekim did as well (and you had fun too.)

Kyah, that was Perseus. He said it!

Quill, I think he licked it. Scoundrel!

Thanks, Cindra. I step cautious.

Cooper, the name of my favorite blogger is in a safe deposit box with instructions that it be published upon my death. You'll have to wait until then.

Minka, thank you. I kinda do appreciate you. It's all gravy from here. While it lasts. Perseus called you guys Crones. I'm innocent! And why would you mock someone whose dignity you've already removed? Fate is a cruel mistress.

Thanks, Pia. My bark is worse is worse than my satire.

G, I like to think of myself as artsy.

Thanks, Joel.

Thanks, K. I like that we see eye-to-eye, too, even with your back turned.

Al, to paraphrase Gershwin, it's ancestrasarily so.

Ariel, another slice?

Puppybrose, the nuts from the pines above Westgard Pass are actually delicious, but I missed the season. Oh to have been born mid October. Thanks, Puppybrose.

Woof, DDD!

Gamma, looking for this?

Al, that's a good suggestion.

Puppybrose, Neva mind. So there.

Aral, that presumes a lot but I hope you're right. Thanks.

Al, now that was funny. It's not the length it's the knot?

Me too, Quill but without the sunflower seeds.

Thanks, LBP. Lecherous? Shhhh!

Gracias, Hermana. Como siempre, puntual.

Hey! Thanks, Still Life! Great of you to drop by!