Monday, May 28, 2007


JUDGE, n. A person who is always interfering in disputes in which he has no personal interest. An official whose functions, as a great legal luminary recently informed a body of local law-students, very closely resemble those of God. The latter, however, is not afraid to punish Chris. Buckley for contempt, and the former has attained no great distinction as the hero of popular oaths.

2007 Update: The wearer of the purse that makes a kangaroo court and the baffle that makes justice blind.


Anonymous said...

JUDGE, n. A Dredd figure. Almost like being first here, and risking the wrath of the Ice Queen - who is both judge and jury. ;)

G said...

Here come the judge, here come the judge, order in the court cause here come the judge!

Ooh so close to first - I'll take it!

Anonymous said...

Judge: A person whose decisions, according to Egon Brunswick's Lens Model, can, at best, be, umm, merely relatively not too terribly wrong.

(Clever update, Doug.)

TLP said...

Like G, the first thing I thought of was "Here come da judge..." and Sammy Davis, Jr.

I would say that I enjoyed your update, but that would be judging, and the Bible says, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged...." and you just know what a big ol' believer I am.

Anonymous said...

"Judge not lest ye be judged." Or so says Matthew 7 (I think).

Pretty sure the verse has no standing in a court of law...could be wrong but I wouldn't recommend trying it.

Whenever I hear that verse (which is not that often) I imagine the voiceover guy who gave us "Dead men tell no tales" in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney saying it. Adds to the effect.

Anonymous said...

...oops, didn't see you there TLP. Great minds.

Mother Theresa said...

"Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg" - Anonymous

judge, v. To define the worth of other people according to one's own opinion.

Anonymous said...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx

Judge: (at times) courtroom version of an SBD.

(sorry, between G, TLP, and Joel, i got nothin')

Doug The Una said...

Amoeba, I'm told she's a kindly executioner, though.

G, that was a near thing, your honor.

Well, Al, that's beyond the scope of this class but very interesting.

TLP, yours is a warm and tart piety.

Joel, you have been found guilty of practicing law without a license and sentenced to practice law with a license.

Theresa, a hard-boiled egg is something many judges envy for it's wisdom and experience.

Ok, Neva. I'll bite. SBD?

Anonymous said...

Flip Wilson was my first thought. But it has been stolen! I will try not to judge too harshly those who left me standing here with nothing. NOTHING!

TLP said...

Joel, I was quoting Luke 6:37.

Matthew 7:1 reads "Do not judge so that you will not be judged."

But we really should be quided by Thomas Dewar:
"Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes”

Anonymous said...

A person paid to render the accumulated wisdom of those making it up as they went along.

Anonymous said...

TLP...Matthew and Luke seemed to be of similar mind. Judgement...a consistent theme throughout the Bible.

mireille said...

What's weird is that in pleadings, they spell it judgment. Weird, huh? No "e" in judgement. So it's judgment. Weird, huh? xoxo

Anonymous said...

Lord help the man judged by his wife's clothes... especially Joel. (i spend an excessive amount of time in sweat pants, tee shirts, & flip-flops... oy)

SBD = "silent but deadly". what can i say? many judges are little more than big farts filled with excessive amounts of hot air.

Jamie Dawn said...

Judge: the BOOM lowerer

I'm about to tear into a fruit salad and I judge it to look delicious.
There's not a truffle in sight - CRUD!

Enjoy your day.

Minka said...

judge, announcer of tidings; benefitial to some, devestating to others, depending on evidence mis-represented.

Doug The Una said...

Quilly, you might want to judge them swiftly.

TLP, that's a really good quote. Doesn't apply to me but that just makes it easier to laugh.

CA, good to see you again and I see you know the system.

Joel, they were under a similar influence.

Mireille, that is weird. I know what no 'I' in "team" means.

Neva, by that standard Joel should be judged as a gracious and accepting fellow.

Jamie Dawn, is it ok if I hope your fruit salad tastes like a chocolate truffle?

Minka, that was Biercean.

Tom & Icy said...

Oh. It seems you're saying the Judge is the short circuit of the court.

Anonymous said...

Doug as you are the Judge here, I think your definition is fitting. But what does that make us? Mock commenter's?

Anonymous said...

Joel, Matthew and Luke seem to be on the same page 'cause they cribbed from the same source. Doubly shameless, for here's something prominently marked "quell(e)", and they went ahead and published it anyway. But who am I to judge?


Minka said...

thank you!

I think I am ready for my mustache now :)

Omnipotent Poobah said...

judge - An oft-unheralded person who resolves disputes between pig-headed parties which satisfies none of them.

The Old Mule said...

judge: the decider.

(with thanks to w)

Doug The Una said...

Icy, just a federal judge I think.

Cooper, it's a fine line between mocking and commenting. You do well on either side.

Amoeba, I don't think Q trademarked anything.

Minka, perish the thought, Gwinnett.

You're right, Poobah. There's an art to that.

Haha, Mule. Welcome back. How're the crops in the south 40?

Here's how you tell the difference, Actonbell. When the judge puts his hand in your pocket he's reaching for your wallet.

Minka said...

for a second I read "Cherish the thought!", scared me a little to be honest.

it is 2.34 here in teh morning...I am gonna make a judegment call and sentence myself to 7 hours of sleep!

Elbot said...

Judge: The processor that decides whether to set a bit to 1 or 0.