Friday, March 31, 2006


Hog, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mohammedans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy of its habits, the beauty of its plumage and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is Porcus Rockefelleri. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

2006 Update: A discrete euphemism for a valued coworker.


shayna said...

Well, I always heard but I ain't too sure
That a man's best friend is a mangy cur
I kinda favor the hog myself
How about a hand for the hog

Ya say, a hog ain't nothin' but a porky thing
Little forked feet with a nosey ring
Pickle them feel folks
How about a hand for the hog

If you took a notion I'll bet
A good hog would moke a hell of a pet
You could teach him to ride and hunt
You could clean him up and let him sit up front

In the scheme of things the way things go
You might get bit by the old Fido
But not by the gentle, porker friend.
How about a hand for the hog

A feller and a hog had a comedy act
The feller was terrible as a matter of fact
That hog was o funny sucker though
How about a hand for the hog

If you took a notion
I'll bet you could teach a hog to smoke a cigarette
Well, it might take a little bit of time
But hell, what's time to a hog

Well, the way I see it, it looks like this
Either you ain't or either you is
A true blue lover of the swine, folks
How about a hand for the hog

Indeterminacy said...

Doug, you hog all the good definitions. And no way I can top Shayna's poem.

I am boycotting this one anyway. I come from Cincinnati, which is also known as Porkopolis. I thought your blog was free of ethnic slurs.

Sar said...

Excuse the pig among the hogs is a favorite phrase of mine.

Sar said...

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh....Mistah Kahtah! I got one more - the sweat hogs!

Sar said...

Ooops, I'm sorry, didn't mean to hog the comments.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Mutha said...

And then, ofcourse, there are motorcycles...big ass motorcycles...I've heard they reserve the right to be called "Hogs".

ariel said...

correction: there is no such a thing like Mohammedan.

Doug said...

Shayna, that's a great lyric. I'd love to hear it sung.

Indie, I try to keep this site free of ethnic slurs, excluding the words Bierce included them in. Religious slurs are more or less par for the course and there have been dozens against Christians and the Church. With many to come.

Sar, do Juan Epstein now!

Ariel, you're correct. Bierce was using 19th Century American language. I've read books from the 50s that use the same word or Mahometan. Musselman is another mistake that was common among British. I think we figured it out in the 1990s or so. I actually got in trouble in '93 or so for using Muhammedan in a term paper. I played the dumb redneck card to no avail.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I think a hog must be a penthouse. Folks want to live high on one.

~Daydreamer~ said...

I have got TWO names for you, Doug.

Hog= Retardo and M.K. (The filthy pharmacy owner where I used to work).

Life is good.

Anonymous said...

I'd thought I'd go whole hog on a definition but all the good definitions were hogged already. Drat. Of course this is how my friend's 3 year old says hug. "Haaaaawg," she'd demand then fling herself at you. If you're not paying attention, you have the off chance of falling off one of the kitchen stools. Ahem..not that I've ever fallen.

It was a close call though.

Breazy said...

Hey Doug! Logo sent me over to check out your blog . I will be back ! Very nice!

Breazy :)

Cowgirl said...

Anyone ever heard of a bush hog?

As a farm girl, I have seen my fair share of hogs. It's hard to live high on the hog by raising them.

Growing up, I remember driving by large hog confinements, and my dad would say "Smells like money" when us kids would be cringing over the smell.

karma said...

this kind of wisdom would be referred to as "pearls before swine"

(not that i'm calling anyone a swine here! :P )

Doug said...

Mutha, Harleys reserve the hog title. I expected Logo to point that point.

TLP, I knew you'd have something good on this one. You didn't let me down.

Marwa, glad life is good. Those are two good examples of Haram.

Jenna, beware the hug hog.

Welcome, Breazy! And thanks.

Absolutely, Cowgirl. Heard of them. Driven them. Broken them and fixed them. Quick story, when Walela (the boss, at right) was new to the family, she used to follow me when I was bush-hogging and hunt the mice I scared up. I laughed at "Smells like money." I haven't heard that in years.

It's ok, Karma, if the shoe fits I'll wear it. I'm just trying to make a silk purse.

karma said...

silk purse made from a pig's ear is no match for the black one you carried out of the volcano

Anonymous said...

And beware the bed hogs too.

ariel said...

what is bush hog?

Cowgirl said...

I hate those that hog the covers.

Cowgirl said...

Ariel - think of a big mower powered by a tractor PTO that supposedly can take out anything.

Logo™ said...

I see someone beat me to the Harley/Hog connection.
But lemme esplain WHY there is that connection
They HOG the cash, the gas, the time...
You know what HD stands for?
Hundred Dollars
Need a new battery? $100
Need a new brake cable? $100

Be smart, drive a metric like me!

The Village Idiot said...

Well I'll be!

My tongue is Hog-tied at the collective creative juices flowing through this herd of porcine delights

ariel said...

Cowgirl, thanks! I know those things. you Americans have a funny name for them. good name.

Doug said...

Karma, it's true. Volcanoes have the best stuff.

Actually Jenna, I do. And handily.

Cowgirl, they sure gobble up the old handlines, I can tell you.

Logo, that reminds me of a joke I once read in Easy Rider. Not appropriate for here, though.

Well, I'll be too, Idiot! Welcome.

Thanks, Ariel. It works.

Jamie Dawn said...

Ambrose = Brilliance!
Doug = Brilliance!
Ambrose + Doug today = Perfect Brilliance!

Hog: My alter ego.

Miz BoheMia said...

Hog~ Action that causes bohemians to have their own blanket as hubbies cannot be trusted to share... action that cause bohemians to hide their shoes from lil' boy bohemians...

Hog~ WHY it has made a victim of me! EGAD! OH NO! And I AM late and y'all hogged all the good comments so off I go to catch me some zzz's!

Hasta la pasta!

ariel said...

maybe it'd have been a different movie if Shwarzenegger says "Hasta la pasta!", too.

Minka said...

I´ve got nothing. But I do know a song about a hedgehog...that is not suitable for children under the age of 18 :)

weirsdo said...

Arkansas football deity.

Doug said...

Jamie Dawn, my first ego. And you're too kind. Gimme some good snark this weekend.

Miz B, now I know you're my sister. My born sister says Hasta la pasta all the time.

Haha, Ariel. Terminator IV: Big Night

Well, Minka, then you should hum it.

Gawad Bless the SEC, Weirsdo.

Lammy said...

Are you secretly a scatologist?

Cowgirl said...

A scatologist? Ew.

Someone whose motto should be "Good thing we didn't step in that."

Mutha said...

Scatologist? As in: Ella Fitzgerald was a scatologist?

Doug & Logo: RIGHT! Harleys! Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that -- but didn't know why other bikes wouldn't have the same chance at hogdom...

Thanks for reading my Criminal Defense Attorney story, Doug.

Doug said...

No, Lammy. Just a man with a shovel.

That's pretty much all the science you need, isn't it, cowgirl?

Mutha, no need to thank me. The People-In-Your-Neighborhood idea was inspired, You're the Studs Terkel of the internet. Or something high-falutin'

Jamie Dawn said...

Like hogs to the trough.

What a wonderful life motto, don't you think?

Logo™ said..., you gonna e-mail me that joke, or what dude, I am still waitin'.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Hogs / Hog - what they call the Redskins football players in DC and approriately so.

The there is the Wart Hog...don't know what it is but don't think it causes warts.

Then there is the roommate who eats the last california roll and that is my final answer.

a4g said...

Hog, n. A filthy, stinking animal with a voracious, insatiable appetite; often maligned due to its resemblance to man.

SquareGirl said...

Don't all hogs go to heaven?

Doug said...

Of course I do, Jamie Dawn. It's mine.

Depends Logo, will it end up in a trivia quiz?

Alice, I think the room-mate should be called pork instead.

a4g, well done as always.

Squaregirl, that's dogs. Hogs start there.

actonbell said...

Rabbit, rabbit!
I think rabbits are safe around hogs--right? never heard of a hog chasing and taking down a rabbit. Hog would have a coronary on the spot...

~Daydreamer~ said...

OMG. LOL. Yes two very GREAT examples of haram :D You're amazing, Doug.

Doug said...

Depends on if the rabbit stopped to check his watch, probably, Actonbell. Rabbit, rabbit.

Marwa, ;-)

O Ceallaigh said...

The name of this dicky-bird is Porcus Rockefelleri.

Which has a modern computer-generated variety, P. Rockefelleri var. Gatesi.

GATES, v. To look and act like Woody Allen impersonating John D. Rockefeller. - The New Millennium Devil's Dictionary