Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Newtonian, adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

2006 Update: Subject to inertia and accusations of liberal bias.


LeesahEm. said...

Wow, I knew insomnia would pay off. I'm FIRST! And I have nothing else to say other than that. Except mildly hint at a pun that involves witches and eyes of newt.

shayna said...

A unified field theory,
it's coming some day wait and see.
A theory to combine electromagnetivity,
with the weak and strong forces and gravity.

Yes, I want a unified field theory.
Not Newtonian gravity.

Einstein tried, but he couldn't see,
the random state of the galaxies.
But quantum theory will be key,
to a unified field theory.

Yes, I want a unified field theory.
Not Newtonian gravity.

Kelley Bell said...

What he did not know, is that Eve was up in that tree with her serpent. Eve threw that apple. Maybe he would have figured it out if he would have taken a bite!

mireille said...

That having to do with cookies stuffed with paste of fig, that one eats only when there's no other kind in the house, wondering why they were purchased and for whom, because even the cookie part tastes funky. xoxo

Doug said...

Masil, insomnia's been worth a mint to me personally. What's sleeping like?

I got a woman in Kentucky and a radio by my bed
I got a woman in Kentucky and a radio by my bed
I got binding in my blue jeans, baby
And a weak force in my head.

I got them low-down, good-for-nothin', high lonesome
Theory of Everything Blues

Kelly, welcome! Newton should have found out he was nekkid somehow.

Haha, Mireille. I agree, Newton's three laws I can wrap my head around. Fig Newtons not so much.

mireille said...

Doug. What does "binding in my blue jeans" mean? *interested* xoxo

karma said...

gravity sucks

Armen said...

"Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night;
God said 'Let Newton be' and all was light."

Alexander Pope

Need i say more.

Doug said...

Mireille, you know, binding.

Haha, Karma.

Armen, welcome. Alexander Pope, huh?

Jodes said...

yeah I agree with Karma.

Sar said...

I've got nothing today, so I'm just here to say hello.

duxfine said...

Newtonian, adj. Originally, a branch of psychics, mis-labeled physics by an 18th century scribe's transcripion error, which gained worldwide renown. The mistake was never corrected due to the inertia of the movement, and concern over the nature of the equal and opposite reaction.

Doug said...

Jodes, we've all learned to. Actually, though, doesn't a vacuum suck and gravity pull?

Hi, Sar

Duxfine, well done. I especially appreciate how you worked inertia into the definition.

Cowgirl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cowgirl said...

Pia is a stunning shoe even when she has nothing to say.

Newtonian - people that are from the town of Newton.

Newton, Mass., Newton, NJ...

I like Shayna's.

Doug, care to elaborate on the binding in you blue jeans?

The Phoenix said...

MMMMM...fig newtons.

Jamie Dawn said...

Phoenix & I are in unison on this one. We must be Newtonians.
As Brain Regan (my favorite comedian) says, "I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve."

Mireille: If you wait too long to eat them, then they get dried out & don't taste good. The remedy to that is to eat them the day you buy them. Have a large glass of milk nearby.

Miz BoheMia said...

I have nothing either! I am stuck in an inertic (inertia-ic... how do you ic inertia?!?!?) rut, a RUT I say.... soooo....


dddragon said...

fun comments today!

Sucks what, Karma?

And nuke the newtons. they'll soften up.

Minka said...

"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." by Mr. Newton

It ain´t a surprise, if you´d stand on the shoulders of giants that you see the apple falling before anyone else does!

But I love this quote. If you make a hufe discovery, there are alwyas loads of people that have paved the roads towards it!

a4g said...

Newtonian, adj. Related to the action of an object at rest or travelling in uniform motion remaining at rest or travelling in uniform motion unless acted upon by a net force. Applies specifically to bureaucracies, employees, and husbands.

Anonymous said...

What goes up must come down (me crossing a street and stepping onto a curb) or in the case of over-indulging in alcohol what goes down must come up.

Anonymous said...

Gasp! You linked me! And in the naughty section. Oooh, Doug! I'm in the naughty section with Kay. We shall run amok. Amok!

I shall thank you after I recover from my swoon.

Rio said...

i like fig newtons but im pretty sure thats something else

Doug said...

Not so much, Cowgirl although a barrel racer should recognize it. All that you say of Pia is true, although that's Sar with the high-heel shoe.

Phoenix and Jamie Dawn, I bet I have some around here somewhere.

Saludos, Miz Bohemia

Dddragon, thanks for the hot tip.

Minka, I don't know if this is apocyphal or not, but I've heard that Newton plagiariazed that which is further proof.

a4g, don't forget employers.

Great definition, Jenna, and it was a long time ago and besides... I actually haven't seen anything naughty on your site but thought I'd better be on the safe side.

Rio, you're in the majority today,

logo said...

I want to run amok, what do I have to do to be in the naughty section?

I love your definition of Newtonian, and DON'T bring up the trinity!

actonbell said...

Well, I'm in over my head here, but I know that I suffer from inertia, and I once had a gravity storm (caused my tequila at a Buffett concert).
And I have memorized that apples fall at 10 meters per second squared, and if you type "http" twice in a link, you get msn. Why, I don't know!

Cowgirl said...

*sighs* one of these days I will get everyone's names straight.

I am liking the comments referring to alcohol, as that is what has aggravated my relationship with gravity too many times.

karma said...

tell me more about your bounding jeans. and after that, the naughty section, darling

dddragon, just try tttossing something in the air

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I love "gravity storm." That Acton Bell! So, of course, I'm stealing it.

I can't even consider Newton and gravity until the "binding in my blue jeans" theory is completely 'splained. That and the fact that I am a gravity moron. Is it why my face fell? If so, does binding help?

mireille said...

Yes. I am still not clear on the binding in the blue jeans issue. xoxo

pia said...

first how the heck did you come up with that definition. It's making me laugh, a bit more than it should I think

Applying Doug's definition: certain documents outlining exactly why a certain person shouldn't have his job, if you say what he does is work, will be sitting around for the next hundred years because they're liberally biased

Used two of your words, and implied the rest. Not bad for a person who just spent two hours at the dentist

Anonymous said...

Geez...you can tell how often I scroll down, hm? Sigh.

Thanks, Doug!

Always better to play it safe. I know crazy people on my blog. But we naughty aunts and uncles shall run amok. Amok!

shayna said...

Oh Dougie... sing to me more please... Scoot over Mick Jagger and Tim McGraw... make way for Doug-o-licious... prrrrr! LOL! :)

Doug said...

Logo, actually the naughty and nice run together after awhile. Don't know how Santa does it.

Actonbell, that's good enough for me and green tea.

Cowgirl, some day ask me about the time I lay up in a sage brush using a horse for shade after one such occurence.

Karma, let's just say my atomic number is Helium.

Oh, well, TLP, I was trying for several meanings at once and ever'body picked the naughtiest one. You guys! Goes to show you can't use a double-entendre when your audience has a one-track mind.

Oh for Pete's sake, Mireille! Send crayons. The strong force binds the nucleus together and pants can bind. Shayna can explain it. She's smart like that.

Absolutely grand, Pia. I can't even talk with a toothache.

Jenna, I expect no less. The hysterical part is that Miz Bohemia isn't in that section. What was I thinking?

That's some good company, Shayna. The three terrors?

AP3 said...

Those are both great definitions. It just makes me think of Fig Newtons and Newton, Massachusetts, where I was on Sunday.

kyahgirl said...

Newton-my least favorite apple. Blech.

weirsdo said...

UNlike EVILUTION!!!!!!! witch is theareticle!!!!
OH!!! Mrs. Weirsdo says it shoud be theHERETICal!!!!!

Cowgirl said...

Drinking and riding!? Sounds like a good story (do tell!)

*Tries to look innocent* Never done that before...

I know of a few drunk broke horse for sale if you are interested. lol
Oh the stories we both could tell.

SquareGirl said...

Preceding relativity dis-proving that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

Tom & Icy said...

Oh, fig! We're confused. Woof!

Miz BoheMia said...

Ooooh! The naughty section is hot and so spankalicious!

Hey! Why am I not there!?!?! I have lactating boobies, LACTATING... BOOBIES!


See what you started Jenna? A naughty, naughty revolution!

Hey everyone, leave my big brother alone!

Now, does that make me a favorite and get me into the naughty section Dougy Dawg?

*bohemian bast luscious lashes*

Miz BoheMia said...

*sheepishly* I meant "bats"...

Doug said...

Aral, I've been to Newton, MA in the early 90s. I remember a water tower. No cookies.

Kyahgirl, Are you perhaps a Granny Smith gal?

Pansi, I think Weirsdo has it right.

In this case cowgirl, it was riding hung over which has a venerable history in the American West.

Very clever, Squaregirl.

Haha, Icy. Good Girl!

Miz Bohemia, I'll fix my scandalous error next time I wade into the template.

Anonymous said...

Not really into Granny Smiths either. Royal Galas are more my style :-)


Doug said...

Kyah, I'll make a note for your fruit basket.