Monday, March 13, 2006

Zoölogy

Zoölogy, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (Musca Maledicta). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science's most illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we learn (L'Histoire generale des animaux and A History of Animated Nature) that the domestic cow sheds its horn every two years.

2006 Update: The system by which a shark may be distinguished from a panther by length of tail or theme music. With high precision practitioners of Zoology can distinguish among mammals, lemming from sloth from baboon, almost immediately upon election.

32 comments:

Sar said...

Zoology: Hearing the panther theme insinuated in Doug's update as:

dead ant - dead ant...
dead ant...
dead ant - dead ant - dead ant
dead ant - dead aaaaaaaant...

Doug - *bravo* on your definition update today.

Sar said...

I haven't been first here in a long time!

Woohoo *happy dance* time!

Miz BoheMia said...

Zoology... a flawed system by which Ella Blue and Ziggy Barley, bohemian cats extraordinaire, are prone to fall into toilets and walk around with s****y behinds.

Sar, you are up early mama!

Doug, thou art brilliant! Fantastico!

karma said...

Spielberg can tell the difference without ever having taken lessons in sharkology

Doug said...

Sar, I've had the same earworm. Congratulations, your firstness.

Miz B, those are great names for Bohemian cats.

Karma, he's an instinctive Zoologist.

Sar said...

Mizzy - I'm up and raring to go. Pancakes for everyone! Karma gets served first though.

pia said...

You keep on outdoing yourself.

Sharkology: lining up behind me. Why I don't know?

Just know that sharks in $2,000 suits seem to find me

mireille said...

Oh! Like March of the Pigeons! Or Peahens! or something. *I like the umlaut* xoxo

cooper said...

zoology: An easy elective.

:)

Tan Lucy Pez said...

I like your definition Doug. I got nothin'. 'Cept a joke:

A zoology major was told to provide an exhaustive study about fleas. He laboriously trained a medium-sized flea to jump over his finger every time he said "Hupp." Then he pulled off two of the flea's six legs. "Hupp," he grunted. The flea jumped over his finger. Off came two more legs. "Hupp," repeated the student. Again the flea jumped. Then he pulled off the flea's last two legs. Alas, the flea no longer moved. The student nodded sagely, and wrote in his report: "When a flea loses all six of its legs, it becomes deaf."

LeesahEm. said...

Zoology-A study of the pretty coats and accessories of our fair planet...not to be confused with Zoolander.

LeesahEm. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Doug said...

Sar, I'm taking a collection to get you a waffle-maker, just for variety.

Thanks, Pia. You might ought to stop leaving the trail of hamburger.

Mireille, I do too. Bierce used it and I feel brilliant knowing the keystrokes.

Haha, Cooper. And you can study it in Costa Rica.

That's a great joke, TLP!

Masil, I thought I was the only sorry soul who saw that movie. Ben Stiller sure is great in other people's movies, isn't he?

duxfine said...

Zoology, n. 1.Scientific: The properties and vital phenomena exhibited by an animal, animal type, or group. 2. Misanthropic: Apologia constructed by the alleged higher order of the animal kingdom in order to validate primacy over the alleged lower order.

karma said...

thanks my SIS! don't forget the maple syrup. *kiss kiss*. and wouldn't Doug look dapper in a white sharkskin suit?

mjlbrpm: mojo pounding a record

Jamie Dawn said...

Zoology: general monkey business.

I've nearly completed the raising of two monkeys to adulthood. Over the years, they have exhibited behavior that mimicks all the other animals in the kingdom. I've often addressed them with phrases such as:
"Something smells fishy."
"Your room is a pig sty."
"You're big as an ox."
"Go back to bed, your grouchy bear."
I have a masters in Zoology.

The Phoenix said...

I've never heard a panther's theme music. Is it slow and slinky?

Actually I practice another form of zoology myself. Every city I visit, I go to that city's zoo.

My two favorites: Saint Louis and San Diego.

dddragon said...

Zoology: the science of classifying animals outside the world of Sesame Street.

Hensonology: the science of rediscovering the creatures that didn't make it to the Ark.

Doug said...

Duxfine, allegations being the key to who eats whom.

Karma, how do you know I'm not wearing one? I actually did have a pair of sharkskin riding boots once upon a time. I had to tie them to a horse and have myself dragged to get them off.

Jamie Dawn, A Masters in Zoology and snake hips. The animal kingdom is your queendom.

Both are good, Phoenix. Saint Lou has one of the few botanical gardens I can stand to visit, too.

Haha, Dddragon: The animator's perspective.

a4g said...

Zoology, n. The study of those species which act rationally.

kyahgirl said...

doug's comments section: a zoologist's paradise :-)

Jamie Dawn said...

Phoenix: The St. Louis Zoo is a goodie. I really enjoyed Philly's zoo. The've got peacocks roaming freely, and we rode in paddle boats.

Doug: I'm plum tuckered. Tay and I just built a turtle habitat. He helped me start the thing, then he mysteriously disappeared into the house. I may blog about this if I get around to taking a couple of pics of our turtles' new sanctuary.
You see, there's always a demand for my zoology skills.

I spoke to my brother this morning. You guys are having some chilly weather lately. Bundle up!

Doug said...

Well done, a4g. Willy and I agree.

Kyah, that's a crack-up! I got dogs. All kindsa dogs. Burning birds and dragons. Wild Cows and tame Shepherds. Get yer critters here!

Jamie Dawn, A zoologists work is never done. You get some rest I'll turn on the heat. Your brother didn't lie. I'm feelin' prairie.

actonbell said...

Wild kingdom!

Great definition, Doug:)

Tom & Icy said...

politics brings out the beast in humans

steve pascover said...

It is a bit late, but I completely agree that St. Louis and San Diego have excellent zoos. Good choice, the phoenix, jamie dawn, and Doug.

Cowgirl said...

Doug, it sounds like you could use some riding lessons, as you comment alot about falling off horses. The object really is to stay on the majority of the time, lol.

If you are ever in my part of the country, I have a horse that you could stay on that I use for theraputic riding for the handicapped, lol. j/k!

I personally love your definition of Zoology.

Pia - you have $2000 suit wearing sharks surrounding you. They are higher class than the "hawks" that swoop around my hometown looking for easy lays...er, prey. lol

Doug said...

Death to Jim, Actonbell! Death to the Hippo-wrastler!

Woof, Icy.

Hey, Pop! Thanks for joining the party. I bet your daughter, Monika will be along to say hi.

Cowgirl, that wasn't a fall, that was a low-technology boot remover. Ain't no horse can't be rode or a cowboy can't be throwed but I've stayed on my share. Thanks for the offer though.

Freakin' barrel-racers think they discovered the horse!

SquareGirl said...

Ahh see, I’m learning from past mistakes…I was gonna say something like needing a refresher course in zoology before visiting your comment section, but I read ALL of the comments this time and realized that kyahgirl already went there. I dis really enjoy your update, so I’ll leave it at that.

Cowgirl said...

Haha.
Believe me, I have fallen off my share. And had several fall on me.

Sponge Girl said...

zoology, n. The highest level of spirituality to which a Scientologist can ever aspire.

After all, even Xenu ranks lower than Z.

Doug said...

Squaregirl, well done. I hear only higher and medium mammals learn that way.

I'm sure cowgirl. To ride or not to ride is rarely the question.

Hey, A. Spo! Explain Xenu. I'm not wise in the way of that discipline.