Friday, September 12, 2008

Buddhism

BUDDHISM, n.  A preposterous form of religious error perversely preferred by about three-fourths of the human race.  According to the Rev. Dr. Stebbins it is infinitely superior to the religion which he has the honor to expound.  Therefore it is.

2008 Update:  A faith offering piety without punishment and lectures without theology to adherents without religion.

14 comments:

the amoeba said...

BUDDHISM, n. A faith founded in the Czech Republic but with its current center of devotion in St. Louis. Massive celebrations of its rites take place in stadia and in front of electronic altars. It even has a popular initiatory phase: Budd Light.

Ariel the Thief said...

LOL @your definiton. They say, at one time Buddha looked at his followers and said, "Geez guys, I can see you don't understand a single word I say. Forget about words, they mean nothing. Just watch me."

Jim said...

Buddhism: Are we on the "B" letter already!!

Buddhism: I refuse to discuss religion today, I'm trying to find my wading boots and the oars to the canoe. A big rain is coming to Houston.
..

TLP said...

Good update!

Buddhism: We are all alone, together.

Hobbes said...

Pansi had comments, but we had to censor her. She still wants to know why people would prefer a fat guy to Jesus.

Tom & Icy said...

You make it sound like food without flavor.

Al said...

Once I spent a twenty-dollar drink cover at Dangerfield's to see a Buddhist comedian.

Once.

Badump, and yet no bump followed. How peculiar? You tell me.

_______________

Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?

A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.

Disciple: "Master, why did Bodhidharma come from the West?"
Master: "Ask that post over there."
Disciple: "I don't understand"
Master: "Neither do I."

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

Q: What did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

Q: What did one Zen practitioner give to another for his/her birthday?
A: Nothing.

Q: What did the birthday boy/girl respond in return?
A: You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the giver replied, "Thank you."

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.

Doug said...

Ah, ok, Amoeba! I get the Czech connection now.

Haha, Ariel. We teach but do not learn.

Jim, as the Buddhist's say, stroke! stroke! stroke!

Or are we together alone, TLP?

Hobbes it is well you censored her, for to comment is to say nothing.

Tofu for the soul, Icy.

Great jokes, Al. Good to see you back.

Anonymous said...

Nothing is Everything.....Peace,one day it will engulf the World,just not in our time :-)

tsduff said...

Buddha makes a nice garden statue.

javajazz said...

i love the vacuum joke.
and i love that someone
can spell vacuum -
i always have to look it up.
that, and broccoli.
and squirrel.

cooper said...

"Thank God I'm a Buddhist."

pia said...

Wow Al's back; Cooper's slyly clever and I'm days late

There is so much I would love about Buddhism but....

Doug said...

Bear, as long as I get out of here first.

Terry nothing goes with wisdom like an azalea shrub.

JJ, acommodate gives me fits. Accomodate. Accommodate, I mean.

Aumen, Coop/

Pia, isn't it good to hear from Al now and again?