Friday, April 21, 2006


TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

2006 Update: A contraption of mirrors and lenses allowing desolation and emptiness to be observed at a distance.

Announcement: Karma put together a web page containing last Saturday's story with the terrific extensions added by herself and Ariel. Download it here.


dddragon said...

well, here I am, first, without really anything to say.

dddragon said...

oh, my Girl Scout troop had a niece of the Hubble space telescope come and speak last year.

Mutha said...

I didn't know the Hubble space telescope had a niece:)

Telescope: An instrument created to encourage the claim, "I see it! I see it!"

Kyahgirl said...

loved both definitions Doug.

That's all I can think of to say until I've had coffee. I'll be back.

oh mutha-very funny :-)

Anonymous said...

Device that helps put life in perspective.

Doug The Una said...

Nice to see you first, Dddragon! If telescopes have talking nieces, the rise of the machines must be near.

Right, Mutha. I hear you! I hear you!

Kyahgirl, we'll be here when you get back.

Weirsdo, life on Mars?

Indeterminacy said...

Telescope: The next best thing to the Internet for bringing things far apart close together.

Anonymous said...

Great for watching hot guys with when the binoculars just aren't strong enough.

I seeeeee you.

~Daydreamer~ said...

Telescope: What your enemy sees you through with all your flaws, looking for the slightest error. A friend or a beloved one wouldn't see you through that.

Hi Doug :) It's Marwa here!

Tom & Icy said...

The Earth is passing through the tail of Comet Thatcher and you can see about ten meteors or falling stars per hour and with a telescope you can see explosions on the moon where they hit if you look just before dawn Saturday morning. I read this on

Doug The Una said...

Indie, we should work on a gigantic magnet or linen sale or something.

Jenna, I wondered who would go the voyeur route. That's not me, that's my cabana boy.

You're right, Marwa. A loved one watches you through gauze.

Well, good morning anyhow, Cowgirl. Jamie Dawn's what cracks you up?

How cool, Icy! Good dog! Comet Thatcher should be a joke.


Telescope, n. A tube in which the emptiness of outer space can find its mate within.

(And yeah...I finally updated. I'm sure you'll all be gloriously offended by this one...)


Logophile said...

The rise of the machines, eh?
Figures that Jamie Dawn's family would be involved in the melding of man and machine. No one can be that wholesome without something sinister going on, I know this because I have watch movies.

The Village Idiot said...

Telescope -- Device used by the Television Doctor to determine how much to charge for repairs.

Kyahgirl said...

Cowgirl, you definitely need more coffee! I looked with my telescope and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find Jamie Dawn in these comment boxes!!!

*hands binoculars to cowgirl*

I think that's our Jenna you're seeing missy!!

Telescope: not the right tool for the job in such a close group as this one :-)

CozyMama said...

I love star gazing.

Doug The Una said...

Well, welcome back, Gabriel.

Logo, every one of those movies is about Jamie Dawn. They all are.

Good one, Village Idiot. Clever.

Thanks, Kyahgirl, for going easy on my friend, Cowgirl.

It's good, isn't it Jodes?

Cowgirl, doing astronomy no doubt?

Ariel the Thief said...

telescope is the next best thing to motion picture.

Marwa, is that why we can expect sincerity from our enemies only?

Unknown said...

no Peeping Tom can do without one in the whole galaxy

Ariel the Thief said...

my browser doesn't let me download the story. :-(

Doug The Una said...

Cowgirl, we'll see your compliment gets to the right place. And I thought so.

Oh, Ariel, that's clever. Dark but clever.

Good one, Karma.

Ariel, I had trouble converting to something I could just link to. I'll try again.

Anonymous said...

Being a natural voyeur I'd have to go with Jenna on this one.


Yeah I figured it was your cousin or something. Always saving the distressed.

Anonymous said...

You humor me today,
Calling me out to play,
With your telescope eyes, metal teeth,
I can't be seen with you, you see

Please don't make me cry,
Please don't make me cry,
I'm just like you I know you know,
I'm just like you so leave me alone,

I wonder, why can't you see,
You're just not near enough like me,
With your telescope eyes,
Metal teeth, I, can't be seen with you,

Please don't make me cry,
Please don't make me cry,
I'm just like you I know you know,
Im just like you so leave me alone,

Please don't make me cry,
Please don't make me cry,
I'm just like you I know you know,
I'm just like you so leave me alone,

Please don't make me cry,
Please don't make me cry,
I'm just like you I know you know,
I'm just like you so leave me alone.

Oh, you humor me today...

Miz BoheMia said...

Telescope... unlimited access into the homes of fellow San Franciscans from a rooftop on Bush and Steiner...

Good times...

Jamie Dawn said...

Apparently, I'm cracking people up today without even being here!
I think Cowgirl used a telescope this morning and watched me on my elliptical trainer. That would crack anybody up.
Logo knows our family secret.
Truth is, kids used to call me Jamie Summers when I was in Junior High because of the Bionic Woman character. Little did they know... I am half robot. I have the Wholesome Chip firmly embedded into my circuitry.

The amoeba said...

TELESCOPE, n. Intelligence linked to an optical device to instruct it where to go and what to observe. Formerly, the intelligence was known as a "man"[sic], but at present it is normally a computer, leaving the men free to spy into Jamie Dawn's bedroom.

Look for TeleScope® in your favorite university bookstore. It's in the Student Aids isle, right next to Cliff's Notes.

Doug The Una said...

Cowgirl, looks like your Friday is just getting better and better.

Right, Cooper, you can tell be the compassion and the floppy ears. That's my dad.

Shayna, I really like the cadence of that song. Oh, thanks Cowgirl for naming that tune.

Jamie Dawn, glad to know your v-chip still works. I can't imagine your blog without it.

O Ceallaigh, Jamie Dawn's a lady. And practices witchcraft. I'd be careful.

The amoeba said...

Jamie D a witch? Now there's a thought. My research is linked to global warming. In America, under our current government, I might be better off as a toad. Beats being a toady.

ghatsnz - what the Russians really found when they opened up their society.

Kyahgirl said...

hi again, its heartwarming to see how much mileage we're getting out of cowgirl's bleary eyed morning perusal of the blog. :-)

Doug The Una said...

Live what down, Cowgirl?

Toad it is, then O Ceallaigh. I'll see if Jamie Dawn can arrange it.

Kyahgirl, you be sweet now.

TLP said...

Guess Cowgirl was out boozin' it up last night. (Tryin' to make sure that no one forgets the mistake she made.) But I feel obligated to also make sure that 3D doesn't live down her endowing a telescope with a niece. Just tryin' to pile on the embarrassment.

Both telescopes and binoculars are most often used to peer at things from the tops of mountains or tall buildings. Things that we could easily see up close and personal before we climbed those things. Somehow things are more fascinating seen from afar and through a lens.

Kyahgirl said...

and let me just pipe in here to say that you better not cut back on your perusals, bleary eyed or otherwise-you are so much fun.

Doug, I promise to try and keep any 'not sweet' behaviour on my own blog. no worries there :-)

Doug The Una said...

Delightful, Cowgirl. Leave 'em weeping.

TLP, If I'd used a telescope I'd never have known about the Dragon family or the gypsy woman or the monk.

She is fun, Kyahgirl and so are you. Don't censor. I was feeling sympathetic for a second there. I'm over it.

Icky! Icky! Cowgirl! And Holy Crackers, whatever that means.

Kyahgirl said...

yeah, 'Icky, Icky' Cowgirl. although Doug, I'm sure she won't let her throat get so dry that she can't come up with a 'YeeHaw' or two.

Kentucky Derby- so jealous. (I had to write it out because for some reason I don't believe our girl is going to the 'KY' Derby) See, what happens when I don't censor?

Jamie Dawn said...

A robot... and now a witch?! Oh, boy!

Telescope: A device used to see the wrinkles on the Moon.

Cowgirl: I'm thrilled I showed up too. It's been fun seeing you get picked on. Of course, it's common knowledge that people only pick on people that they like, so don't feel badly, feel flattered.

LeMas. said...

telescope-the tool with which coveting doesn't violate the restraining order.

Rio said...

i have a toy pirate telescope that i keep by our upstairs window so i can spy on people. i tried to include a picture of me using it because one day i got drunk in the afternoon and dressed up as a pirate....but no html so oh well you'll have to imagine

Doug The Una said...

Haha, Kyahgirl. Self-censorship is voluntary and, in your case, recommended.

a4g: 1, you can see more in the mug. 2. I see there are a lot of atheists for God.

Jamie Dawn, I'm not sure cheering Cowgirl up any more is such a good idea but I'm glad you showed up again.

Masil, I need friends like you.

Rio, leave it to my imagination.

Anonymous said...

Gee Doug, your cabana boy is HOT! Wow.

I am concerned about why a man has a cabana boy though. Uhm.

Anonymous said...

"Holy Crackers"... means "Holy Shit"... in Shayna language... thank you very much!!!

Omnipotent Poobah said...

telescope - That which happens when a small car is caught between two large speeding trucks traveling in opposing directions.

Mistress Anna said...

A wonderfull tool for peeping into a boys dorm room. Wait did I do that? Never.

Mistress Anna said...

Young mens dorm room. Ahem.

Ariel the Thief said...

I wanted to vote for Miz B's caption in Sar's caption contest, but left the black dot in your line, Doug, and accidently voted for you, and then it never let me try again. this is what they mean when they talk about the responsibility of the voter...

Doug The Una said...

Cowgirl, I bet gentleman John gets his drinks mixed a little stronger than your usual riffraff. Defintely let him bring the drinks. You pulled the birthday card to campaign on the site of a fellow nominee? MM-mm. The Lord made Eve from the rib of a monkey, you he made out of brass.

Don't be cncerned, Jenna. I don't have time to fold my own towels.

Shayna, please! A little respect and consideration for the site you're on and it's rules. I believe you meant:
Holy Crackers, int. Holy sh1t!

Hurray, Poobah! Magnificent! I'll take all the dead and tortured child jokes you can offer.

Mistress Anna, I recognize you now.

Yes, Ariel. A grave duty it is and you threw yours away on a third party candidate. Now you'll have to find a different computer to vote a second time.

Anonymous said...

Holy Crackers... I'm so sorry! What in the heck was I thinking?

Doug The Una said...

Just teasing you, Shayna.

Anonymous said...

I know... :)~ Have a great weekend DAWG!!! :)

Doug The Una said...

Holy, Sh*t, Shayna, I'll do just that. You too.

Ariel the Thief said...

all I need is a third computer now.

Anonymous said...

I always play nice... :)~

Mistress Anna said...

Excellent retort Doug. I almost fell of my chair laughing.:)

Doug The Una said...

Cowgirl, that's the first "Plays well with others" I've ever had on a report card.

Ariel, you deserve one.

Sure, Shayna. I count on it.

Mistress Anna, ;-)