Thursday, April 13, 2006


WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

2006 Update: A fruit juice fermented to make airs. Or heirs.


Anonymous said...

WINE,n The enabling leg of the Trilogy, along with Women and Song, which provides respite for so many.

Kyahgirl said...

Hi Doug....after you've had your wine, your airs, and have more whine.

Minka said...

Wine is to a snob what beer is to the common man.
Regardless, cheers!
And many lovely greetings from Stockholm, Sweden. Guy with the cutest Irish accent just showed me how to use the computer at the airport.

The Reverent Eater said...

There's a Medieval German saying about wine that I like quite a bit, which says, "Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved."

Doug The Una said...

Duxfine, well phrased, but I bet there's less respite there than advertized.

Kyah Girl, I'll take your word and my instincts on that.

Ach, Freude! Nur neun tagen mehr!

Manchego, I love that. Thanks and welcome back.

The amoeba said...

WINE, n. One of the original preservatives; used to pickle water, until its utility in pickling people was fully recognized. The reason why British and Commonwealth complainers whinge.

Protestants separated from Catholics over, among other things, whether a priest could literally turn the eucharist wine into blood. Once Protestants decided that priests could not do this, the substitution of other fluids for wine became permissible, even inevitable. Kool-Aid, for instance. The Protestant decision is fallacious. The ability of priests to turn spirits into blood has been an established fact for millenia.

Indeterminacy said...

wine: How Pansi spells whine.

Logophile said...

Can't wait to see what the Village Idiot does with this one, the man loves his wine (and is pretty good a whine too), and may have used it to make errs, heirs, and airs.

Anonymous said...

Wine: lol I'm sure many heirs have been made under the influence of it but it's the fact that people feet have sometimes been all over it that
makes it particularly disgusting.
Merlot for me.......

Doug The Una said...

Good point, O Ceallaigh. Blood is easily made of wine.

Haha, Indie. It's funny because Weirsdo seems literatish.

Oh, Logo, I left out errs. I'm sure Village Idiot will offer some.

Alice, it's kind of doubly scary for people with germ phobias, isn't it. From foot to foot.

Unknown said...

all that's missing is the loaf of bread and the book of verses.

to heir is human, Doug

Unknown said...

wow, we posted at the exact same time. i need some air

Miz BoheMia said...

Ah! Cooper! Now I understand why you EWWWWWW-ed my tinto de verano suggestion! Dios Mio!

Wine~ Definitely not Cooper's cup o' tea!

Ooooh! No bread? I just baked a fresh loaf of whole wheat bread so come on over for some Sangría! Olé y olé!

Doug, your definition was absolutely brilliant!

Doug The Una said...

Karma, it's like we were moved by the same spirit.

In Cowgirl we trust.

Olé, Miz B.

The Village Idiot said...

Wine is to port as mole is to Gorbachev

The amoeba said...

cooper - are you impugning that unshaven barefoot grape treaders are part of our cultural inhairitance? That "nose" is perhaps a misprint for "toes"?

Waiter ...!

Anonymous said...

Wine? Doug has wine? Hot damn! Wine makes me do naughty things...


Oh wait...this is a family site. Never mind.

The Village Idiot said...

Being allergic to hops makes me whine in Germany however.

TLP said...

A toast to all of you that know about such things. I'm completely innocent of it.

TLP said...

Well, of course I did sing along with the 5th Dimension on Sweet Blindness

Down by the grapevine
Drink my daddy's wine, get happy
Down by the grapevine
Drink my daddy's wine, get happy
Happy! oh sweet blindness, a little magic
A little kindness, oh sweet blindness
All over me, four leaves on a clover
I'm just a bit of a shade hungover
Come on baby do a slow float
You're a good lookin' riverboat
And ain't that sweet eyed blindness good to me.

We needed an ear worm here.

Ariel the Thief said...

hey, Cowgirl, we have the same rule in poem, too!

borra sör
sörre bor

ok not very good poem but is useful to know. it's funny when people are telling it to themselves trying to recall how it goes exactly and so whether they should avoid to drink beer after wine or wine after beer.

Jamie Dawn said...

Doug: Heirs! GREAT definition!!!!

I'm sure that many of the heirs made in my family (particularly on my mother's side) have been conceived under the influence. Since most of my family on that side have drug & alcohol addictions (this is sadly true), I'm sure that there were more than a few Ooops along the way.

dddragon said...

WINE: the tone of voice that parents hate to hear coming from their children.

oh - you didn't mean that wine.

Kyahgirl said...

dddragon, they don't whine do they?....are we there yet? I'm hungry. You're a mean Mommy. How come she always gets a treat? When's Dad coming home? I don't want to play with Casper. I DID make my bed. I don't want to go to school. Is it a home day yet? I want to watch a different movie......

*thunk* Kyahgirl falls over from too much whine.

The Village Idiot said...

The wine in the rhine tastes fine...

I have too much time on my hands today. Although, I will justify this outburst as a bad chili from my lunch

Karen said...

Asti Spumante is my fav ... is that wine?

If not, I'll have some cheese with my *wine*... {grin}

Ariel the Thief said...

"Come, Noah, our great benefactor, said
To be the first to cultivate the vine;
Come, Lot, by darkness and strong wine misled
To know thy daughters - through no fault of thine;"

Francios Villon

S said...

Did someone say "unshaven barefoot grape treaders"?

Quit talking about me like that! I shaved, I swear it!

The Village Idiot said...

I left out the errs/heirs/airs however, I did find hairs.

Hi, My name is the Village Idiot and I err

I just started my first step on my journey to err free blogging....

and if you believe that, you have another thing coming

The Village Idiot said...

Besides, I am just busy expressing my humanity

Sar said...

Wine - Why yes, I'd love a glass. Chardonnay?

(Fantastic definition, Doug.)

TLP said...

My throat hurts this evening. So...I'll take a little wine with my whine after all. I don't know much about wine, so just make it something expensive, and I'll make do with it.

Doug The Una said...

VIllage Idiot, you're over my head now, but it sounds funny.

O Ceallaigh, the Napa Valley Wine Grower's association told me to say thanks ever so much.

Jenna, like cheat at checkers?

That's good Cowgirl. I wish Monika were here to double check me but how's this sound: Wine after beer, I'll give you advice, Beer after I wine I'll let it be. OK, doesn't rhyme, but we're an inclusive site.

Avoid rabbits, then, V.I.

Absolutely, we needed that TLP. And I always did think I was kind of a cute riverboat.

Ariel, I suspect if you can remember that you don't need to know it.

Ariel and Cowgirl, the real party game is to drink whiskey and try to remember that poem, I guess.

Jamie Dawn, if it weren't for oops babies we still wouldn't need government or thumbs.

Dddragon, whichever you're under the influence of is fine.

Kyah, I didn't realize you knew Dddragon's girls.

Well, V.I., at least you didn't spill any.

Haha, Karen. I'm a sarcast not a oenophile. Spumoni's an ice cream, though.

Ariel, you know the funniest verses of perversity of anyone I know. You should teach a class.

Barefoot, that's ok, those weren't grapes.

Oh, too good, Actonbell. Having seen Sidewise I think you're a pinot noir.

Idiot, I really didn't.

No, Actonbell, you'll just complain. I'll go to the package store when I finish answering comments. It won't be out of my way a hair.

Sure, Sar. The bar's always open.

a4g, sometime you'll have to tell me what shame is like.

You deserve the best, TLP. and a sugar cube.

Anonymous said...

Airs, or heirs? Real Moma, I didn't tell, did you?

Unknown said...

OK, now here's one of those giggly convent schoolgirl things:

say the following line over and over again really fast:

"Blood is wine"

Anonymous said...

I lost myself on a cool damp night
Gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
and be what I want to be

When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more than I ought to drink
Because it brings me back to you...

Lilac wine is sweet and heady,
like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
like my love
Listen to me...
I cannot see clearly
Isn't that he coming to me nearly here?

Lilac wine is sweet and heady
where's my love?
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady,
where's my love?

Listen to me, why is everything so hazy?
Isn't that he, or am I just going crazy, dear?
Lilac Wine, I feel unready
for my love...

Lila said...

The best kind comes from a box.

Doug The Una said...

Pops, I never worry about how you conceived. I was hatched and replaced your biological son who grew up to be a transvestite computer programmer.

Karma, who are you calling a bloody swine?

Cowgirl, you made a hand. Nothing to thank me for.

Lilac wine, Shayna! That has to be a Shayna original.

Aral, I'd agree if I liked wine at all.

Ariel the Thief said...

Doug, that'd of course be a religious edication, as Villon, poet, thief and outcast on his own land from the XVth century took those pieces of information from the Bible.

Tom & Icy said...

Wine is fine, but liquor is quicker.

Doug The Una said...

But, of course, Ariel. That's what I meant.

Have some candy, Lammy.

Alana said...

Hahaha Doug...your def. is quite amusing.

In vino veritas...a truthful saying I must say.

Unknown said...

The original way to see life through Rosé-colored glasses.

Mikki Marshall said...

wine (n) a bunch of sour grapes

those who really didn't want to be a top shelf liquor anyway

sooo late but I just couldn't help myself!

Doug The Una said...

Squaregirl, what were you drinking?

Haha, Comfort Addict. Someone needed to make a Rosé pun, by golly.

Still welcome, Still Life. I wanted to be top-shelf liquor but I kept getting dizzy and falling off.