Epidemic

EPIDEMIC, n. A disease having a sociable turn and few prejudices.

2006 Update: The glory of the virus, bacterium and epidemiologist.

Special Guest Pirate

Aaaaaaargh! Piratical ejaculation of indeterminate spelling denoting everything from frustration to grim satisfaction. One-Eyed Sam supplies examples for our edification:

1. (Frustration): Aaaargh! Another voyage with Brown Beard!

2. (Reflection): Aaaargh . . . what I'd do to that lubberly son of a sea cook if I was cap'n!

3. (Fright): Aaaaargh! 'Tis the ghostly crew of The Venus what I sank last Tuesday, beckoning to me across the water!

4. (Excitement): This map says there be treasure under the dead oak on Skeleton Point. Aaaargh!

5. (Grim satisfaction): Brown Beard's fallen over a cliff you say? Aaargh, it was a long time coming.

About our guest lexicographer: One-Eyed Sam is a denizen of Stuffed Animal Planet, where he was born to a poor wood cutter and his wife in the wilds of Ork. At the age of five, Sam ran away to sea, where he demonstrated an early aptitude for looting and pillaging that helped him rise rapidly through the pirate ranks. During the ascendancy of the Captists (a cat-worshipping religious sect), One-Eyed Sam's crew fought against the UnCaptist insurgency, but were vanquished at Dogoba, Ork's capital city, by the Dead Pirates, the Red-Caped Crusader, and the ineptitude of Brown Beard. Since then they have gone into business for themselves and cruise the seas between Bathtubbia and Ork, occasionally going up river to attack large cities. Recently, they have been campaigning for planetary peace because they believe it will give them better opportunities for robbery and murder. They are also starring as themselves in Toyplayer's drama, "The Pirate Election," over on "The Pansi Files."
Sam's bitterness against Brown Beard stems from the loss of his eye and his leg, both casualties of Brown Beard's clumsiness, and from resentment on behalf of his mates, who have almost all suffered similar maiming at Brown Beard's hands.

Mrs. Weirsdo, Sam's editor and amanuensis, is to be commended for her bravery, as One-Eyed Sam is extremely touchy about how he is represented to the public, and Mrs. Weirsdo could have gotten her head sliced off for even approaching him. She wishes to express her gratitude to Sam for his forbearance during his lexicographical debut.

A note from the previous editor: Weirsdo went fourth wall writing the "About" section too and I appreciate the humor, especially in a hectic week, so I'll let it stand but for this story:

In the dark days of Waking Ambrose, there were two frequent readers, Weirsdo through her character, Pansi, and Pia. In those days it came to pass that on Weirsdo's blog, The Pansi Files a sidestory developed in which I was desperately and, for a long time, unsuccessfully trying to woo Pansi. Another blogger frequently commenting on Weirsdo's site and unaware that Pansi was, in fact, the painted and bangled barbie doll in her avatar decided to vie with me for Pansi's affections and the competition grew quite fierce. Soon, my rival, a genuine intellectual, asked Weirsdo, a certified one, to write a guest post on philosophy on his blog and for my own amusement I left a comment beneath his asking Pansi to write a guest post on mine. It was a lot of fun and the Wednesday guest post became a regular feature.

Since then, Weirsdo appeared in this story here and, much more impressively, published a novella which I enjoyed reading, in serial form, as much as any book I read last year and have enjoyed even more reading straight through. I recommend it highly.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.

Admirability

ADMIRABILITY, n. My kind of nobility, as distinguished from your kind of ability.

2006 Update: Restraint in a traffic jam, quickness in a rush or madness in a riot.

The happiest of birthdays to the magnificent, magniloquent, artistic, pluralistic, heuristic, gracious, gifted, good-humored, hectic, lovely, lucky, lavish and plucky, comical, cat-loving, fearsome never fulsome Michael Jackson!

Deny

DENY, v.t. See HURL BACK THE ALLEGATION.

2006 Update: To confirm.

The Village Idiot

#59, duh.

To hear the poem, jingle the bells.











To read the rhyme, click the sign.

This week in The Prattler, "Plan F"

Hammer

HAMMER, n. An instrument for smashing the human thumb- a malleus as the Latin hath it. One of the old Frankish kings was called Charles Martel, or Charles the Hammer, because he was a beat.

2006 Update: A blunt instrument unless compared to a statistic.

I have no further message this morning but have developed a bad habit

Nominee

NOMINEE, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

2006 Update: A biography seeking flesh, a photo gaining breath and a promise in pursuit of oblivion.

While Shayna is saving whales, seeking a cure for breast cancer, giving voice to the disabled, preventing terrorism, remembering our soldiers, accompanying the lonesome and feeding the hungry, Goa'uld is trying to change the world. Go help Goa'uld save a tv show.

Special "Guest" Wednesday

OK, so I went on and conscripted Shayna for this weeks "guest." Actonbell, you're on notice, Missy.

Shayna defined for us the word, GUEST.

GUEST, v.i.




About Shayna: Unlike some sites where they make you work for your guest post, at Shayna's My Music Highway Project, you just fill out a little form, answer a couple easy questions, and BAM! Next thing you know, your name is in lights and people are saying all kinds of nice things about you beginning with Shayna. Plus, you get to name a favorite song, bring attention to your favorite charity, cuss at some children and you're done. ¡No hay trabajo, no hay problema! For those of you who don't speak Spanish, that means Keine Arbeit, Keine Schwerigkeit.

Shayna's main site, My Music Highway is where Shayna talks about Shayna instead of about you. It's surprisingly engaging for that. It's not an exaggeration to say that Shayna writes her life through music and the people around her. Shayna is a former professional singer with a big voice and a little Willie. She writes of her past and present, posts songs and movies and still manages to always pay attention to the people she knows locally and through blogging. I first got to know Shayna under another name when she interviewed our Alice/Cooper. Since then, Shayna has also interviewed friends Pia, Sar and mi hermana, Miz B. Some dude named Sgt. Hook too but you'll have to read the interview to find out who he is. I'm supposed to be working.

As in the blogosphere, so in flesh. Shayna's attention to others fills her own life as well. Her friendship with Eugene, an aging veteran has moved a lot of us, as have often difficult stories of her youth as does her life with her husband and son, the aforementioned Little Willie. What did you think I meant? They make a wonderful family, despite any deficiencies she might find and point out to the world at large. This is the part where I normally thank the guest for being a guest but since Shayna didn't volunteer I'll thank her instead for having the kind of generous heart I just knew I could take advantage of.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.

Freshman

FRESHMAN, n. A student acquainted with grief.

2006 Update: In High School, a jaded lover and recovering alcoholic. In college, a dew-eyed innocent.

Welcome to college, Solace Cai. Best of luck and remember, books are for nerds.

Get well soon, Penguin!

Jove

JOVE, n. A mythical being whom the Greeks and Romans ridiculously supposed to be the supreme ruler of the universe- unacquainted as they were with our holy religion.

2006 Update: Chief of the Roman pantheon, lord of lightning. Wisdom was born when he cracked his own skull.

"Sometimes I'm up, sometimes I'm down, oh, yes, Lord
Sometimes I'm almost to the ground, oh, yes, Lord" -Nobody Knows The Troubles I've Seen, traditional.

While Minka and Puppytoes are sorely disappointed in me, their own fault due to impossibly high or medium expectations, Shayna is treating me dandy at her Music Highway Project. More on this later (when it can be up all day,) but it's the work of a warm heart. Thanks, Shayna.

Towering

Story #58, in which a princess lets her hair down.

To hear the story, climb the tower.




Happy birthday to Sonia, benevolent despot.

This week in The Prattler, "Now for some Joementum."






To read the story, tilt at the windmill.

Painting

PAINTING, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.

2006 Update: A pagan ritual for interacting with the world in our imagination rather than in reality, Queen of sciences and mother of journalism. A 2-D inanimated Human Graphic Interface.

...and welcome home, Mo'a.

Austere

AUSTERE, adj. Having the quality of an antique virgin, or a legislator approached with a bribe by the side he has been paid to oppose. The care that is taken to guard against confounding this word with "oyster" will be well-rewarded.

2006 Update: Without pie.

Super Extra Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm more than honored to have you as my guest. You are asked to pick any word you would like to define in the comments and follow that instinct. For purposes of linking and crossword puzzling, we'll say today's word was Olio.

About You: You are wise beyond measure. You are as brilliant as the full sun over Timbuktu and yet as humble as the sands beneath it. You write dozens of blogs, thousands of well-chosen words per day. You cover a broad range of topics from politics to literature to feminine hygiene in a variety of styles from facetious to sarcastic. You look great in stripes. Sometimes you hold contests and you win them more often than not. You are strong. From time to time you can be a little repetitive, but, really, who among us isn't now and then? You are truly a citizen of the world, multicultural and multilingual with multiple personalities. You haven't aged a day since I've known you. I mean it.

Getting to know you has changed my life. I feel like I've made a great friend since we've met and I don't make friends easily. While sometimes I'm not entirely sure you should be walking the streets, I keep a $10 bill in my pick-up truck just in case I see you. Truly, the time we spend together is as meaningful to me as my job and easier to remember. You totally rock in your own unique way. You are gracious, salacious, independent, resplendent, an excellent defendant, generous, ponderous, pristine, punctual, pleasant, aggressive, impressive, congested, suggestive, kind, cornered, confessed, flagellated, agitated, aggravated, rhetorical, historical, poetic and apparently peripatetic. You watch too much television. You want the World Champion Chicago White Sox to win it all again this year and I bless you for that, my dear friend..

How to be a future guest, again, on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.

Heigh-Ho

HEIGH-HO, int. This word is supposed to denote a certain degree of languor, mingled with regret. It is frequently seen in literature but never heard in life. By some it is supposed to stand for a yawn, by some, for a sigh. The poets use it variously, Joaquin Miller as a war-whoop, Adair Welcker with good effect as the love-plaint of the night-blooming tomcat.

2006 Update: The work song of a dwarf and lunch whistle to the giant.

August 15, 2006 Update: Heigh-Ho and Happy Independence Day to all billion desis. It just occured to me that the chances of Blogger staying up while the subcontinent celebrates are about nil so this may be farewell until tomorrow.

Morrow

MORROW, n. The day of good deeds and a reformed life. The beginning of happiness. (See TO-MORROW when we get to it.)

2006 Update: n. obs. April 7, 1897.

Mestizo

Story #57, in which Doug doesn't hitch-hike.

To hear the story, catch that plane.






To read the story, visit scenic Florianopolis and tell me how it is.




And Happy Birthday to Princess Lucia from



and



and me

This week (around 9AM EDT) in The Prattler, The Root Causes of George W. Bush.

Senate

SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

2006 Update: The upper, or least lower, house of Congress, established to protect the right of minorities to discriminate.

Sar split town but contributed a story to Doug Drones On on the way past the mailbox. You all share her spirit, but I have her larynx. Come hear her keep it short.

Sycophant

SYCOPHANT, n. One who approaches greatness on his belly so that he may be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.

2006 Update: A quiet sort who pretty much kept to himself, the nicest guy in the world who always got all his work done, always had something nice to say to everyone and never gave anyone a bit trouble before this.

2. The second-smartest guy in the room.

Note: 10 demerits to anyone commenting today on the quality of this blog or its author. You guys are cleverer than that.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, it's my pleasure to have my friend, Brian as a Wednesday guest.

Brian was asked to define Rhyme.

RHYME, n. A political slogan designed to entice moral outrage.
(Done the crime, must do the time)
(Our borders are porous, vote for Rep. Morris)
(To support gay marriage, is a cultural miscarriage).
(Children we see, reject Plan B)

RHYME, v.
The teleprompter reveals,
the stories that are real,
the sound and the fury,
the eyes look bleary,
only one hundred left
but don't be bereft
if you call without fail
they'll still be on sale.

About Brian: Brian introduced himself here on May 15 of this year, courageously speaking ill of Tom Cruise. Since then, his comic poetry and wit have become such persistent features of this site it's hard to believe he hasn't been here all along. We've all come to expect the rhyming pentecost he so often delivers and exemplified in this week's definition. Putting together so many rhymed words in a coherent message requires a vocabulary the author of this here dictionary can only aspire to.

Brian writes several blogs. The oldest is Truth is Freedom which began as showcase for Brian's always evident sensitivity and compassion in this case directed towards a young girl who'd been mistreated. Since that time his site has been a place for poetry, sharing and parody. I'm told there is an extension of this guest post, project A-Z, waiting for us over there. New posts on this blog are mainly Wednesdays and Fridays.

Cue the parental advisories: To extend the poetry, Brian created a site for poetry (some of which is intended for an adult audience,) My Muse, My Poetry, My Life. Dewy Knickers started life as a character in a parody on Truth is Freedom and Brian channels her still on her own site. Dewy's site, like the others contains various types of creative writing, but is centered on questions that Dewy asks other women about their thoughts on various matters. By some magic, women open up and express their opinions and feelings there. This site posts daily, Monday through Saturday.

The most striking thing about Brian is his relationship with his wife, Diane. Both suffer from significant disabilities and have healed together as one soul in two skins. Diane appears often on his site as a supporter and nurturer. Brian always honors her with appreciation. Ladies, if you want this kind of romance in your life, it all happens at the office coffee pot.

Thanks to Brian for bringing his poetry here.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.

Acephalous

ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de Joinville.

2006 Update: Democratic.

ACK! Happy Birthday, Mama! Today's word was not inspired by you! I thought today was the 7th!

Arbitration

ARBITRATION, n. A patent medicine for allaying international heat, designed to supersede the old-school treatment of blood-letting. It makes the unsuccessful party to the dispute hate two or more nations instead of one- to the unspeakable advantage of peace.

2006 Update: A formula for prevention of conflagaration by adding a prelate to litigation, where a litigant and a legatee agree to appointed referee because resolution of an allegation benefits by simplification.

The Big Happy Family

Story #56, The story of a wholesome little girl and her precious little dog.

To hear the story, join the family for dinner.






To read the story, pet the family dog.

And, on the topic of big happy families, happy birthday to Actonbell the Magnificent!

This week in The Prattler, "Cross of Air."

Ambrosia

AMBROSIA, n. The diet of the Gods- the modern peanut.

2006 Update: The sweet soufflé served to salesmen or a bowlful of broth to a beggar. Your grandmother's cooking after a long visit graveside.

Shoddy

SHODDY, n. (vulgus) A term that expresses the status of a large part of our society, and furnishes a weakly page of matter to many of our time-serving dailies.

2006 Update: adj. Unprecise. Made in haste to be suffered at leisure as war, peace, love or lexicography.

Special Guest Wednesday

This week, I'm delighted to have as my guest Bookworm aka Tok'ra aka Haras Pikachu Pez. After her mother's guest appearance last week, Bookworm was asked to define Self-defense.

SELF-DEFENSE, n. Fudging the truth for your own benefits.
The first punch but not the first move.

About Bookworm aka Tok'ra aka Haras Pikachu Pez: Bookworm is the first born of Dddragon's daughters by a foot. The (comparatively) good twin has proven that the gene for hectic is dominant and is a trumpet player, shakespearean actress, international purveyor of peace, Dance Dance Revolution prodigy, Stargate fan and impending driver, God help us all. Poor Dddragon. Poor, poor Dddragon. Bookworm's appearance here marks an important point in the history of Waking Ambrose. As of now, each and every blogging Pez has now graced this site as a Wednesday Guest (except maybe one. I'll have to check.)

Bookworm, as her name suggests, is a thoughtful and curious sort. For a long time, the main feature on her blog, The Bookworm's Nook was a weekly series in which she would describe a situation from her classes and/or life, invoke a good quote by a great mind on the topic, and ask her readers for their opinions. These features always provoked an interesting discussion. At other times her site, like her sister, Goa'uld's, has been a place for video game reviews, book reviews, and a partial diary. Oh, and I'm sure she'll be delighted for me to point out that you can read about (some of) her weird habits, here. Just as a teaser, the child has a shoelace fetish.

Not surprisingly, given her lineage, Bookworm is a funny, considerate, brainy, talented and insightful young person. None of which will protect you from door dents if you park your car on the street in South-Central Pennsylvania about 6 months hence. Remember, kids, don't drill and drive.

Oh, heck! I almost forgot that today is Waking Ambrose's day to search for intelligent life.

And on Tok'ra's day, too.

How to be a future guest on this site: Just send an email to dpascover at mac dot com. On a future Wednesday, after posting that week's guest, I'll send you an email with a word to define. You'll be expected to return your definition along with a graphic representing either your definition or yourself by the following Saturday. The only rules are no profanity and no novels, please. And whatever I make up at the last minute.

I will be contacting previous guests who regularly comment here to repeat in no particular order. Previous guests who haven't been much heard from since their guest post should recontact if they would like to repeat.

Nirvana

NIRVANA, n. In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

2006 Update: The place of punishment for a life without transgression.

Rabbit, Rabbit, E'ryone!