Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Ultimatum
Ultimatum, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
Ultimatum, n.: that given to children to pick up, clean up, to complete homework and instrument practice, but is taken back at the first sign of resistance.
At the moment my computer and the wireless internet connection have received an ultimatium that in itself postulates violent outbursts, shortage of electricity-threats and simple cheating with other electronic devices, should momentary inhuman conditions continue!
Dddragon, I'm calling you out on this one. How about "The choice given a parent to opt between earning, shepherding, cleaning, preparing, driving, boostering, fudge-making, blogging, enabling, buying, cooking, acceptance, silence and support or withering scorn."
Minka, tell that thing to act right or I'm coming over with a screwdriver, electric tester and a hammer.
Karma, because it beats the hell out of daddy?
Hercule, mon ami vieux belgique, j'arrive maintenant!
I think this is the first time I hear Hercule Poirot shouting. or maybe this is just your size that annoys him, Doug.
ultimatum, n, a list in which it is recorded under what circumstances exactly one person will be the loving friend, spouse, child, parent, etc of another person.
Madam Ariel... if Poirot is shouting, it means that he is dealing with a grave-situation. I did not know "A litle bar of soap" but all her friends came crying to me asking for justice to be done! Besides I have to admit that I lost my gentle nature since I worked near Sherlock Holes (see my CV about it ).
Doug, my Asterix-Hypnosis experiments unfortunately wiped out all my knowledge of French but I still remember that I am Belgian.
Ariel, those French! Your definition of ultimatum sounds like lawful romance.
Not to fear, Hercule. Weirsdo or Alice will be along in a while to tell you I don't speak French either. And it's for the best. I'm not sure Soapy would approve of a francophone involved in her death.
Haha, Ariel.
Wow, Kyah. You matured fast!
Logo, right and to be ignored with the rest.
Sar, in the last 100 hours you've threatened me with legal action for being boring and tempted poor Karma in her struggle to stifle her sauciness. If you can't play nice on the swings, I'll see you at the see-saw.
Doug - Before you go getting your red and black laced man thong in a wad, you should check your perspective. As it is in the last 100 hours, I've heeded your call to sue you and went out of my way appease your discontent reader, my SIS. So I'll see your see-saw and raise you a helpful push down the slide...feet first.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you properly execute an ultimatum. Doug, I've enjoyed our little demonstration. You're a good sport. Now, about my per diem...
I read your last installment of the volcano adventure. I won't sue you over those couple of errors. I actually like Fire & Ice better than Fire & Water, so sue me.
------------------------- Personal Update: We had a whirlwind of a weekend. The 50th anniversary for my inlaws went wonderfully. It was a lot of work, and Courtney's media presentation she made for them made everyone at the dinner party cry. There were about 125 people who attended and we had to set up and then clean up afterwards. Lots of work! But worth it. Courtney is doing well. She had sinus surgery yesterday. She is home with a drippy, bloody nose, and popping pain pills. She's a trooper, and will be fully recovered in about ten days. I'm busy visiting all my blog friends, and I have some catching up to do. I will have a new post at my place on Wednesday.
It's the catch phrase of "or else" that will plant my size sixes in a backside as I kick him off my balcony and he impales himself on the lamp post below. "Or else" me? Pffft. I don't think so.
Jerk wasn't my word either, Cowgirl, but this is a family place. One must watch her f-bombs around here especially when they follow the word Mother. And a fire poker was involved in the ultimatum. Not used but involved. We owners of size sixes need a little extra insurance in "or else" situations.
I let him become someone else's problem, Doug. Wonder if he pulled the same "or else" and if he's still alive today. Mutters under breath: "Jerk." but meaning something else entirely.
And all this talk of Doug and thongs! My, my, my. Kinda makes a girl want to issue her own ultimatum.
Cooper, you should have been able to delete but I'm glad you didn't. And I'm old enough to know not to use an ultimatum on women unless I want a free night for poker.
Well, Ms. Bunny, although Pansi may despise me I'll thank you not to speak badly of her around here.
Now you gotta be cause you'll never be alone Going down the wrong way but no one even knows Taking all it back cause you never know what's right Come again and see me any other night
Wake up and I'll come around with nothing else to say Nothing seems to get me down on any other day Take it down and and break it down and now there's nothing left Just put your heel back again and take another step
Always unfair. Slowly going now where. Always unfair. Don't lose my share.
Why are you good at giving up just take another try No one has to be there no one has to lie Sometings up now give it up and take another attempt Take a choice. I'm giving. 3 words I never meant
Sometimes I don't need it all. Believe anything you want Come up and see my ultimate... ultimatum Times up without a choice. Dodge what you won't avoid. No room to talk. Get over it. Forget it cause I don't care. Too late for it anywhere Some settle for may some day And now we it all for granted and take it up So we can take this ultimate... ultimatum
I tell everyone I know that if they EVER give me an ultimatum, I will never speakk to them again.
Also if they are ever hypocritical, they shouldn't bother talking to me either, unless of course they want to hear me tell them how much better I am than they are.
43 comments:
Ultimatum, n.: that given to children to pick up, clean up, to complete homework and instrument practice, but is taken back at the first sign of resistance.
At the moment my computer and the wireless internet connection have received an ultimatium that in itself postulates violent outbursts, shortage of electricity-threats and simple cheating with other electronic devices, should momentary inhuman conditions continue!
twisting someone's arm till he cries 'uncle'. why anyone would want to be called uncle is beyond comprehension, though
Dddragon, I'm calling you out on this one. How about "The choice given a parent to opt between earning, shepherding, cleaning, preparing, driving, boostering, fudge-making, blogging, enabling, buying, cooking, acceptance, silence and support or withering scorn."
Minka, tell that thing to act right or I'm coming over with a screwdriver, electric tester and a hammer.
Karma, because it beats the hell out of daddy?
Hercule, mon ami vieux belgique, j'arrive maintenant!
I think this is the first time I hear Hercule Poirot shouting. or maybe this is just your size that annoys him, Doug.
ultimatum, n, a list in which it is recorded under what circumstances exactly one person will be the loving friend, spouse, child, parent, etc of another person.
Madam Ariel... if Poirot is shouting, it means that he is dealing with a grave-situation. I did not know "A litle bar of soap" but all her friends came crying to me asking for justice to be done! Besides I have to admit that I lost my gentle nature since I worked near Sherlock Holes (see my CV about it ).
Doug, my Asterix-Hypnosis experiments unfortunately wiped out all my knowledge of French but I still remember that I am Belgian.
be careful with Sherlock's Holes, Monsieur Poirot, he's a gentleman but one never knows...
I am just reading his Holes are out of matter. I sympathize!
Ultimatums-I'm finally getting old and wise enough to know to never deliver them!
I love Hercule Poirot. Big squeeze!!
ultimatum~ just another wave in an endless sea of directives.
Ultimatum: Doug better play nice with me today or else I'm going to find another intellectual playground.
Ariel, those French! Your definition of ultimatum sounds like lawful romance.
Not to fear, Hercule. Weirsdo or Alice will be along in a while to tell you I don't speak French either. And it's for the best. I'm not sure Soapy would approve of a francophone involved in her death.
Haha, Ariel.
Wow, Kyah. You matured fast!
Logo, right and to be ignored with the rest.
Sar, in the last 100 hours you've threatened me with legal action for being boring and tempted poor Karma in her struggle to stifle her sauciness. If you can't play nice on the swings, I'll see you at the see-saw.
Doug - Before you go getting your red and black laced man thong in a wad, you should check your perspective. As it is in the last 100 hours, I've heeded your call to sue you and went out of my way appease your discontent reader, my SIS. So I'll see your see-saw and raise you a helpful push down the slide...feet first.
Doug, deal, whatever you call it, is deal.
Ultimatum, n., Last call at a bar. Drinking or legal.
See last liquor store before entering PA.
ultimatum-trying to empower insecure choices...
that makes a little more sense in my head.
Hahaha, Sar. I call Uncle.
Ariel, there's a Fabio CD in your PC right now, isn't there?
Ultimate Rum, TLP?
Masil, I can absolutely see you spinning it that way.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you properly execute an ultimatum. Doug, I've enjoyed our little demonstration. You're a good sport. Now, about my per diem...
Sar 1, Doug 0.
I think the thong-thingie is somehow depriving your brain of enough blood to function. Tell it to loosen its grip, or else.
Cowgirl, if I weren't a gentleman...
Sar, you get nothing. I can take you I bet,
TLP, a man has to get support from somewhere. You can't do everything, you know.
doug, you'll have to take the word "cleaning" out of that list. That's what I married Nod for.
Ultimate Thong: the new reality show
The last bark before you find the wet spot on the carpet.
Hahaha, Dddragon. I don't think I'll watch that one either. You vacuum, though, I know.
Cowgirl, we all are glad I'm a gentleman online. Reread your second comment, I bet you can guess.
Icy, "If you do that inside, I'll put you out" is the classic example of an ultimatum and why no-one believes anyone. Good girl!
Ultimatum... what wise beings know must never be issued to a bohemian.. NEVER!... or else there will be consequences, oh yes there will!
And THAT is my ultimatum!
Ultimatum: All the "or elses" of life.
I read your last installment of the volcano adventure.
I won't sue you over those couple of errors. I actually like Fire & Ice better than Fire & Water, so sue me.
-------------------------
Personal Update:
We had a whirlwind of a weekend. The 50th anniversary for my inlaws went wonderfully. It was a lot of work, and Courtney's media presentation she made for them made everyone at the dinner party cry. There were about 125 people who attended and we had to set up and then clean up afterwards. Lots of work! But worth it.
Courtney is doing well. She had sinus surgery yesterday. She is home with a drippy, bloody nose, and popping pain pills. She's a trooper, and will be fully recovered in about ten days.
I'm busy visiting all my blog friends, and I have some catching up to do. I will have a new post at my place on Wednesday.
Thought so, Cowgirl.
Miz B, what kind of scoundrel would do such a thing? Lemme at 'im!
Actonbell, that was brilliant!
Thanks, Jamie Dawn. Nice to have your support after the mutiny. Tell Courtney Doug wishes her to feel better soon.
It's the catch phrase of "or else" that will plant my size sixes in a backside as I kick him off my balcony and he impales himself on the lamp post below. "Or else" me? Pffft. I don't think so.
Mutters under breath about that memory: "Jerk."
The slam of my dressing room door after Doug refused to show me his thong!
A firm contract or early obituary notice.
Ah, Jenna, I was just going to say do as you wish. Kill him, don't kill him. It's up to you.
Cowgirl, I bet you're right but I also bet girls in size nine boots don't get a lot of chances to find out.
Pansi, did you change your name?
Banana, "how's the family?" is a good one too.
Jerk wasn't my word either, Cowgirl, but this is a family place. One must watch her f-bombs around here especially when they follow the word Mother. And a fire poker was involved in the ultimatum. Not used but involved. We owners of size sixes need a little extra insurance in "or else" situations.
I let him become someone else's problem, Doug. Wonder if he pulled the same "or else" and if he's still alive today. Mutters under breath: "Jerk." but meaning something else entirely.
And all this talk of Doug and thongs! My, my, my. Kinda makes a girl want to issue her own ultimatum.
rah rah Sar! you go after the red-and-black (thanks TLP) thong-wearing dawg, no one threatens my SIS per diem!
Jenna, my underwear and I inspire a lot of ultimata. For example "Put something on or so help me I'll be sick"
Yes, cowgirl, thanks for the reminder, ha. Yesterday seems so long ago and TLP so far away.
Et tu, Karma?
Far away?? Oh, no, honey. I'm right here. Stalking you...
What was the word again? I've forgotten...musta had somethin' to do with man panties from the comments. I'll think of it or die trying.
Actually, Tom & Icy's response was almost identical to what I was thinking. Great minds?
"Sorry but I have to ask this. You have been identified as a major suspect in the case of the little bar of soap murder. Now...
WHERE WERE YOU IN THE NIGHT OF 22 OF MARCH TO MARCH 23???"
He wasn't in Costa Rica so he probably did it.
"Black Laced Man Thong" - ten points for Sar.
Ultimatum: that which temps the more contrary among you (us) to the wrong thing just for spite.
to do the wrong thing I mean....sucks that I can't delete that.
Doug!!!!!! First thong-reticence, and now you confuse MOI with that trumped up, Jesus-hawking mattress-back! *slamming door again!*
Yes, TLP, the word was mangerie.
Great minds and good dogs, Aral.
Cooper, you should have been able to delete but I'm glad you didn't. And I'm old enough to know not to use an ultimatum on women unless I want a free night for poker.
Well, Ms. Bunny, although Pansi may despise me I'll thank you not to speak badly of her around here.
Now you gotta be cause you'll never be alone
Going down the wrong way but no one even knows
Taking all it back cause you never know what's right
Come again and see me any other night
Wake up and I'll come around with nothing else to say
Nothing seems to get me down on any other day
Take it down and and break it down and now there's nothing left
Just put your heel back again and take another step
Always unfair. Slowly going now where.
Always unfair. Don't lose my share.
Why are you good at giving up just take another try
No one has to be there no one has to lie
Sometings up now give it up and take another attempt
Take a choice. I'm giving. 3 words I never meant
Sometimes I don't need it all. Believe anything you want
Come up and see my ultimate... ultimatum
Times up without a choice. Dodge what you won't avoid.
No room to talk. Get over it.
Forget it cause I don't care. Too late for it anywhere
Some settle for may some day
And now we it all for granted and take it up
So we can take this ultimate... ultimatum
I tell everyone I know that if they EVER give me an ultimatum, I will never speakk to them again.
Also if they are ever hypocritical, they shouldn't bother talking to me either, unless of course they want to hear me tell them how much better I am than they are.
moi? you know je t'adore, dougy-wuggy bunnykins. and je t'adore even more wanking yer chain :P
Why Day-by-day, I've missed you since Shayna ate you. Those are especially great lyrics today and I don't recognize them. Originals?
Squaregirl, at least your hypocrisy is sincere.
Karma, this chain was made for yankin' Wait, that doesn't look rught.
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