Monday, April 10, 2006


GENESIS, n. The first of the five sacred books written by Moses. The evidence of that great man's authorship of this book and four others is of the most convincing character: he never disavowed them.

2006 Update: An infallible account of falsehood, flaw, frailty and the fall.

Two announcements: Our favorite political cartoonist, Dead Guy, was interviewed by a local news channel. See the segment on his site. It turns out he's the spitting image of Richard Nixon, which explains the masks he sometimes wears during the interview.
Second, my new friend and fellow Bierce imitator, O'Ceallaigh, has a new blog with links to his sites: O Ceallaigh's Felloffatruck Publications. The nice thing about imitating Bierce is you save a lot on sequins vis-a-vis Elvis. U-huh-huh.


Mutha said...

Genesis: A band that got worse and worse after Peter Gabriel went solo.

Anonymous said...

Very deft coupling of alliteration and verse...and a impossible standard to meet. Well done, Doug.

GENESIS,n. The first historically recorded instance of "That's my story and I'm sticking to it," whose remarkable durability is testimony to the lengths most will go to outsource introspection.

Indeterminacy said...

Genesis: You're never to corrupt to find God and start all over again being corrupt.

Doug The Una said...

Come on, Mutha. Su-su-sudio?

Thanks, Duxfine. "Outsource introspection" is a great line.

Indie, "In your life it's possible to become so degenerate that your family rejects you. In those times, God still loves you." -Bob Dylan's father

Mutha said...

Doug: You just gave me a shiver.

TLP said...

Genesis, n., A best-seller book outlining strange beliefs, including a very imaginative creation myth. It lacks humor, which could have helped the story-line quite a bit.

Its biggest flaw is that we never get to hear the devil's side of things. This critic hopes that any sequel will correct this injury.

Anonymous said...

Genesis: a book that I didn't know when verbally given a verbal IQ test in Fifth Grade.

The tester couldn't believe it, and I blamed my parents for not having given me a better education

Found out years later that it was an IQ test for adults, not children

Minka said...

genesis, fiction at its best. Stephen King is thinking of writing part three of a never-ending story!

Alana said...

The origin of finger pointing.

Em said...

1. A recipe for how to many divine spirit into flesh that forgets it's really God too.
2. A band that hurts my ears, soul, and armpits.

Sar said...

Genesis: A recount of the original ribbing that came at the expense of man while benefitting woman and examplifying why women will always have one up on men.

The amoeba said...

GENESIS, n. The radical feminist biotechnology company: Genetic Engineering for the Better Half. The Serpent Anti-Defamation League's principal object of scorn.

Sequins, Doug? Who can afford sequins? I'm working on underwear. :)

Unknown said...

in the beginning, there was fright

my dead honey is famous! yeaaah

mgnndm: Phil Collins thinkin out loud while twiddling his drumsticks

Doug The Una said...

Actually, me too, Mutha.

TLP, my understanding is the sequel is supposed to be from that perspective.

Pia, giving verbal tests verbally is just cruel.

Minka, his Dark Tower series is pretty nearly never-ending even though, technically, it ended.

Squaregirl, thou hast said it.

Hey, Em! Armpits too? That's pretty bad. I can feel it coming through the air tonight.

Oh, Sar. Nice pun with the ribbing!

O Ceallaigh, I guess that's why you aren't an Elvis impersonator. I'd have thought marine botany would be lucrative.

Karma, that does sound oddly like him.

The amoeba said...

LUCRATIVE, adj. My interpretation of the efficiency and output volume of your lucre-generating machine. The perceived measure of its efficiency is inversely proportional to distance from the machine.

The grass is always greener over the neigbor's septic tank. And they probably get a higher price for it.


The amoeba said...

Oops. That's "directly proportional." My bad.

Ariel the Thief said...

so that's not just a rock band? I always learn something new here!

Kel-Bell said...

"The Serpent Anti-Defamation League's principal object of scorn."

Ha-Ha! That's a GOOD One!!!!!!

Doug The Una said...

Haha, O Ceallaigh. Nothing says fertility like a septic tank.

Cowgirl, it's a pretty good argument.

Ariel, I think they wrote a book.

Hey, Kelley! How goes the ever-widening gyre?

The Village Idiot said...

Moses and his commandments or

Arthur C Clarke and his Monolith?

Or ah failed terraforming experiment that brough Spock back to life

which one....

Lila said...

Mutha stole my thunder -- that... Mutha!

Kyahgirl said...

Genesis; a rather important project headed up by Captain Kirk's ex-main squeeze, no?

am I the only Star Trek fan here?

Anonymous said...

Jenna Sis: That would be my sister-in-law.

Ha! I'm so clever.

LeMas. said...

genesis-the christian's dianetics.

The Village Idiot said...

kyah --- see my above comment...I think we may be close to being on the same page

I was going to try to be clever with word veri but i got this..and quit


Jamie Dawn said...

Genesis: Why eating fruit (and veggies) is never as fun as eating a Meat Lovers Pizza topped off afterwards with warm chocolate chip cookies and milk.
I eat my fruits and veggies too, but I always feel a bit sinful for doing so.

The Village Idiot said...

Kyah -- only an idiot in the most sincere form of the word...(what?)

TLP said...

Haha AP3!

Doug The Una said...

Idiot, great bringing that up. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. *cough*

ap3, gotta watch that Mutha. And I think she's local to you so you may want to chain the patio furniture, too.

Not at all, Kyahgirl, as you can see.

Good n' corny, Jenna. Now that you mention it, I have a Jenna sis.

Haha, Masil. But don't leave out the Jews and Muslims. You have 2Billion people to make fun of, why settle for 1.

Idiot, better to leave the verifier to Karma. She coulda done it.

Jamie Dawn, you know perfectly well eating produce is wrong. I'm without that sin. I could stone you.

Kyah and Idiot, there's from for every kind of idiot on the Enterprise. They used to lose one every week.

TLP, your daughter's funny.

dddragon said...

genesis ... now, don't get me started!

Doug The Una said...

Dddragon, that's awesome!!!


Mutha beat me to the punch, being the "Lamb Lies Down On Broadway" fan that I am...

And you folks thought you'd never see me again... :)


The Village Idiot said...

Doug...Ironically, my shirt is red today

Kyahgirl said...

I'm so relieved :-)

If I'm an idiot, at least I'm in good company!

Mutha said...

Hey! I've got that patio-furniture-theft-thing licked now (just about).

But it is true -- I am a Mutha for real.

Miz BoheMia said...

Genesis... a big, body building African from Cameroon who liked skinny girls and tried, to no avail, to flirt with me in spite of the fact that I was married.

I think he was an eye doctor.

Yes. You said it all with your definition Doug! Bravo!

The Village Idiot said... you do watch the odd episode of star drek ...

Anonymous said...

Bierce has a point you know, Moses never said he didn't write it.
And considering the sales history he would be a fool not to claim it.

Genesis~ First account of wool suits, sibling rivalry, and an explanation on why we all need babel fish.

Doug The Una said...

Welcome back, Gabriel. You haven't lost a step.

And your blood green, V.I.?

Kyahgirl, I'd sure come to me looking for good idiot company.

Haha, Actonbell. I think you and big sis are taking the subtle way.

You know a cowgirl's work is never done.

So I hear, Mutha.

An eye doctor with good vision, Miz B. Wonder of wonders.

Absolutely, VIllage Idiot. I confess to medium trekiness.

Oh, great, Logo. I just got done with Star Trek and you want to bring up the Hitch-hikers Guide. Like steering a barge.

TLP said...

Say what you will about Moses not disclaiming authorship, the most serious doubt that has been thrown on the authenticity of Genesis is the fact that all the witnesses to the writing are dead guys. Ghost stories leave me cold.

Weren't they mostly fishermen? Like I'd believe fishermen anyway. See: Sounds like a fishtale to me.

Logophile said...

Sorry, Doug, it's just that I am willing to openly claim fan status of HHGTTG, and I felt left out with all the trek talk since I won't publically admit ever having seen any of them.
But I do know this, if I hear a suspicious noise I am sending the guy in the red shirt to check it out.

Anonymous said...

There was a garden
In the beginning
Before the fall
Before Genesis

There was a tree there
A tree of knowledge
Sophia would insist
You must eat of this

Original sin?
No, I don't think so
Original sinsuality
Original sin?
No, it should be
Original sinsuality
Original sin?
No, I don't think so
Original sinsuality

Before the fall
Before Genesis

Doug The Una said...

TLP, would a fisherman have made up parting the Sea of Reeds?

Well, OK, Logo. Come on out.

That's pretty, Shayna.

Rio said...

i think there was a girl on the real world named genisis mind is fried just got out of spring break

TLP said...

Oh, great. You used to get up early. Nice beginning for Tuesday. Let there be light on this blog.

Doug The Una said...

Rio, I'm delighted to see you and curious how you spend Spring Break. Hitting the books and taking walks in the park, holding hands with your one and only?

TLP, I needed to leave early for the airport so, of course, I overslept.