Thursday, April 27, 2006


USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.

2006 Update: The function for which a word or object was misdesigned. Uselessness.



Usage, n. Pedestrian manipulation by manipulated pedestrians.


The amoeba said...

USAGE, n. The guiding principle of the P. T. Barnum Program for Customer Satisfaction. A nifty bit of misdirection that, one has to admit, works far better than the more truthful USUCKER.

Sar said...

Usage: (pronounced Joe Pesci style, ie, You's Age) would indicate you're not yet an old fart, Doug, but it's still fun to call you one.

Have a great day ya old fart! ;)

Omnipotent Poobah said...

usage - Pronounced "you sage". As in, "Doug, you have a great blog and are so wise, usage you."

CozyMama said...

I keep forgetting to come by on Wed and meet the new guest!!!!

Kel-Bell said...

U-Sage: A hipocritical prophet.

Anonymous said...

Wow, good stuff in here today.
I rather like Sar and Poobah's take on the word.
Rather than define in an interesting or intelligent manner I will tell you a story.

Once there was a couple, who like most americans regarded the words "European styling" as a somewhat empty marketing phrase for higher end appliances, cars, and fashion models. Then we lived in Greece for a year and Italy for three more and we learned of the Bialetti. This is a European stovetop espresso maker certain models of which leak from it's seals due to manufacturing issues. They have leaked for decades. For decades Italians have continued to purchased and used them knowingly, and so it goes. The usage of the phrase "European styling" means something different to us now.

Doug The Una said...

Poor pedestrians, Gabriel. At least they have you looking out for them.

It's funny, O Ceallaigh, people don't mind using USUCKER with me.

Sar, you have a nice day, too, young lady.

Omnipotent Poobah, gee whiz, you Poobah, you.

Jodes, go say hi to Star Firstbaseman. I think you'll like her.

Nice, Kelley and good to see you and the raptor.

Logo, that's a great story. It reminds me of one I read in the Wall Street Journal about how Ford bought Jaguar and immediately started a quality improvement program. Most of the article was about how Jaguar culture was organized around telling stories of epic breakdowns and how loyal Jaguar-buyers felt like they'd lost purpose.

Anonymous said...

Pffft. I got nothing. Nothing! I know...I've totally ruined your day. Harrumph.

Everyone seems to be far more clever than I today and they've already used the good definitions. Sigh. Shoot. Granted, there will be those clever folks who follow me, so I don't know how I feel about that.

Anonymous said...

Sar gets better each day, and obviously vacations on her vacation.

Doug your definition is brilliant. I give up as I'm majoring in usageness--know that's a stretch

Kyahgirl said...

when you're making the world's best turkey stuffing, you must use sage, seriously. :-) and poultry seasoning.

Indeterminacy said...

Usage: that annoying bit they left out of the disclaimers.

Jamie Dawn said...

Usage: This is one of those hoity-toity words that real people shun the usage of.
I mean, who says "usage" in real life?
I would say, "You are not using that correctly."
I would never say, "That is not the proper usage for that."
Usage of usage is just too high brow for me.

Anonymous said...

usage: such a foreign looking word. I think of electricity when I hear it.

Mistress Anna said...

The way some Canadians feel after consuming hours of US pop-culture.:)

Anonymous said...

That was not my friend who said that. (whistling innocently, walking slowly backwards). What do you mean innocent? Yes...(flutters lashes) innocent. That's the correct word usage for me. (Because any others aren't allowed to be used on this blog...bummer.)

Miz BoheMia said...

Gabriel, clever!

After hanging out with my extended family u must definitely sage to keep away the bad mojo!

Well, there is no usage for me here. Everyone is brilliant today! *sigh*

Hasta la pasta!

Minka said...

hasta la pasta, made me smile :)

Today´s word reminds me that I have to clean my hard drive. There are just so many Megabites you are allowed to use...

And that is all...nothing more for usage from me, but I applaud Sar and Gabriel. Those two:)

Doug The Una said...

Jenna I had one of those days this morning.

Pia, I should have majored in usageness. I bet I'd be really annoying.

Cowgirl, then just once around the ring.

Kayhgirl, are you for or against cornbread?

That's funny, Indie. And true. Q-tips is the best example. Their disclaimer actually urges against the most common usage.

Jamie Dawn, I'm a mere victim in this. Bierce picks the word.

Cooper, that will make ap3 very happy.

Mistress Anna, I didn't realize you were Canadian. This site is becoming a consulate.

Jenna, who made that rule? HOLY CRACKERS!

Oh, bless you Miz B for bringing up smudging! Why didn't the rest of you think of that?!?!

Minka, Hasta la pasta is excellent usage. The brain has no megabyte limit. Ironic, considering I can only remember what's on the computer.

Mutha said...

Well, you know, in the end it is important to feel "of use"...but "usage" seems kind of it cause it comes close to "sewage"?

Anonymous said...

for, definitely. but not with sage :-)

Unknown said...

Douglas, you seem to be stuck in the Dark Ages. So much abusage

Lila said...

usage, n. The entity formed when the USA merges with GE.

It's just a matter of time.

TLP said...

Good one AP3!

Too many people use useage to discuss users using drugs. That usage of usage is annoying to those of us who use usage in a useful manner.

Alana said...

Usage is a word that can define the periods of ones life where one is not in, "I really like sushi, but didn't get to eat as much as I'd like during my last usage, as (significant other) couldn't stand the sight of raw fish."

Some people like to go from us-age to us-age and then there are those of us who are much to stubborn to be very good at usages.

Anonymous said...

I had a terrible day - don't ask. but I am the old fart. Doug, although dear to me as first born son, is a pretender. Who can define "used up"

Doug The Una said...

Probably mutha, although a sewer receives a lot of usage. Legislation and so forth.

a4g, that depends on what the meanings of are are.

Actonbell *standing ovation* hysterical!

Kyahgirl, eh, I think we can arrange a compromise.

I am, Karma, I am. Who turned out the lights?

AP3, does GE jave oil?

RLP, you missed a great comment by your middle child. It's true what they say, Actonbell, isn't it?

Us ages come glacially, don't they, Squaregirl.

Sorry to hear it pops. Give me a call tomorrow. I promise to listen this time. USED UP, adj. 66 this June 28?