Monday, June 05, 2006


LOCK-AND-KEY, n. The distinguishing device of civilization and enlightenment.

2006 Update: The solution to the problem of privacy in an urbanized world and the origin of the picked lock and lost key. Happily, these problems have been solved with the user ID and password along with online banking and encryption.

Kyahgirl has kindly contributed a story to Doug Drones On. Kyahgirl, it turns out, has a lovely voice, a Canadian accent and tells a funny story. Come find out what it's about. And breaking news! Pansi, my one true love has posted as well.


Ariel the Thief said...

what about the picked key and lost lock?

Unknown said...

what about pickpockets?

Ariel, you beat Minka! locked her out in the cold! she is so going to be mad at you :P

qvflucqa: chicken flu

Anonymous said...

You're right, Doug. Kyahgirl's "oots" and "aboots" are the best and why didn't I ever think about just watching and not doing exercise to those silly videos? Oh, well it obviously takes a blog to make a girl see the light

...And as far as locks and keys, what's up with those hotel key cards? I loved those old, heavy brass ones which never really worked well and which made getting into your room to pee so painful and which slipped easily into the mailbox when you forgot to return it at checkout and allowed your imagination to soar guessing how that lowly key made it back to that backstreet hotel for someone else to use.

Doug The Una said...

Ariel, I'm losing locks left, right, but mainly center.

It's bad Karma to be gleeful for the disappointment of another. Did you bring popcorn?

Oh, lordy, my mother's channeling Andy Rooney!

Anonymous said...

Kyah does not have a Canadian accent, eh! What are you talking about, Doug?

Lovely Kyah!

Miz BoheMia said...

GPS service in cell phones is big in Japan now where parents get to keep their kids under a mobile, virtual lock and key... I want to chip my kids... ha, ha, haaaa! This word brings out the evil in me, EVIL I SAY!

Kyahgirl, loved the story and as for the voice, sizzlin' fo sho! And when it comes to exercise tapes, back in my non-exercising days my sister and cousin would sit back to watch me aerobicize, or try to, with Jane Fonda... it always ended, shortly after beginning, with my yelling quite the crude obscenity or two at Jane for confusing me and things were hurled too, oh yes they were!

Sar said...

A contribution for Doug and a nod to Kyahgirl:

Lock and Key - A great song, from a great album (Hold Your Fire), by a great band (Rush), from a great blogger buddy's own Canada!

Mutha said...

I had something to say, but then Sar called Rush "a great band" and everything went blank.

Tom & Icy said...

That was very wonderful of Kyahgirl! We applaud her courage to multi-media blog. Great job.

Lock-and-throw-away-the-Key, that is what I fear they're going to do to me.

The amoeba said...

One reason I persist in living in Maine is that you can leave something unlocked and still have a faint hope of calling it your own. Except during tourist season ...

I presume that wad in your cheek is your tongue, Doug:

USERNAME, n. Your name, to a computer. The one your parents gave you isn't good enough, it has either too many letters or too few, and either lacks special characters that the computer demands or has ones that it cannot handle. And if the username has the correct number and kind of characters, and still makes some kind of sense to you, then someone else has it already. A feeble attempt to maintain the fiction that you are the user of the machine, rather than the one being used.

Kyahgirl, I dreaded this day. The speakers on my computer don't work! :(

Logophile said...

She is BRILLIANT! She is smart, funny, has a great voice, a charming (slight) accent, and is quite the looker.
Ya know, she is my twin sister, just saying.

Now then,
lock and key~ Where too many people keep their capacity for independent thought.

Anonymous said...

o'c: your comment about maine is one of the many reasons my husband & i hope to have a place up there some day. of course, we'll primarily use it in the summer. which is tourist season. so, i guess, we'll need that lock and key after all... (doesn't matter, we still love it up there!)

LOCK AND KEY, n. Archaic means of preserving a young girl's virtue. see also chastity belt.

Anonymous said...

oh! and, kyahgirl! loveloveloved your story! not to mention that gentle canadian accent you have! thank you for sharing it with Doug... and Doug, thank you for sharing it with all of us!! : D

Doug The Una said...

Jenna, I just knew you were going to bring up the chastity belt. AND you're being difficult. Careful or you'll get a good reputation.

¡Mala, Miz B! ¡Malissima!

Rush, Sar? Good grief!

Mutha, I hear you.

Icy, Kyahgirl's another fine dog, isn't she?

O Ceallaigh, you'll want to get that fixed and no, it's a spare key.

Logo, I'd brag about it too.

Thank you, Puppytoes! You have redeemed Jenna. I hope it isn't too late!

Anonymous said...

My first thought was: Huh? Chastity belt? What the? And now I'm remembering that chastity belt from Men in Tights and when the key popped out of Robin's (yum...Carey Elwes) little locket thing flipped end over end then landed very suggestively in her lock. (hubba hubba)

My definition immediately went into the gutter but kept it to myself. Some locks and keys are meant to remain private. Or at least exploited in the right places...say...mine!!

Still wondering about this Canadian accent thing. We have no accents. None, eh.

Kyahgirl said...

Doug, I've enjoyed reading all our blogger buddy comments on my story. Thank you for your kind words. And really, they are all lovely people but I don't know what they are thinking. I have a completely accentless voice.

I'd like to challenge the whole lot of you to tell a story for 'Doug Drones on' because, as Doug and I discussed before, its a real treat to finally 'hear' your friends! Go on, I dare ya!

On Lock and key, I have had the same wild imaginings as Doug's Mama about the old fashioned keys getting put in the mail box and wondering how the heck they ever made it back home.

Kyahgirl said...

oh yeah, O'Ceallaigh, I had no idea that a Neoparamoeba had ears! In that case, you had better get your speakers fixed! :-)

The amoeba said...

They're vibration sensors, Kyahgirl. They'll have to do in place of ears, though they might have difficulty picking up the accent that you and Jenna don't have.

Oh, and before you northoftheborder types start thinking you have a lock on the Stanley Cup, just remember last summer in the Gulf of Mexico. Hurricane 1, Oil nil. Hey, I gotta try something. Sharks and ducks didn't work ...

G said...

Annnnnggggggrrrrrryyyyyyy! My work computer is now in on the c-o-n-spiracy. Just left what I thought a witty comment and now it is under lock and key somewhere in the blogosphere. Never to be recreated.

Under lock and key: Company's usage policy dictates many a link should be under.

And so, I shall have to RUSH to my laptop tonight to hear Kyah's lovely story.

G said...

I worked with a Canadian guy (from Toronto) who I must say, pronounced every part of a word. Com-fort-a-ble, whereas this neck of the woods, just slumps it all together: cumftable. I pointed out that shortened, it becomes "cumfy" so I stood by my prononuciation.

Lock and key - above has nothing to do with.

Anonymous said...

That was quite clever, OC. How long you been working on your Oil/Hurricane bit.

I'm so done with seeing Oiler flags flying around Calgary. It's just wrong on so many levels.

Lock and key: what I want those flags under.

Minka said...

Comment number 23!!!!
And while I am typing I´ll probably end up being number 24. Just my luck!
Ariel, we need to talk!
Karma, you and me outside... right NOW!

lock and key...there aren´t any here, they have been stolen...

verifier: mrualfs: Minka really upset about lateness...for sure!

Doug The Una said...

Well, then, Jenna, you should be very confident recording your own story, eh?

Brian, then you missed my debut as a jazz singer? Poor fella.

Kyahgirl, it's big fun having your spoken words for us to drink up. I'm glad you're enjoying it too.

Hey, that's funny O Ceallaigh. Every cloud does have a silver lining.

G, breathe. Your wit has no end.

True, Jenna, but setting them aflame is right on the same many levels.

Minka, let's call your comment first and Ariel's number -23. In Ariel's defense she was just insuring that, in your absence a young, smart, European woman who learned English as a third language held your spot. Right Ariel? I have no defense for Karma, she's just a trouble-maker.

The amoeba said...

Doug, thank you. But shame on you! Setting them aflame indeed. Albertans are disagreeable enough without your help. Sheesh. You'd think they'd give it up for Eaux Canada (the new Stanley Cup perfumes, Kyah). And all this for a team that couldn't make it in Atlanta.

LOCK-AND-KEY, n. When an Albertan and a Quebecer are in the same building, the only way to keep the peace.

(Two years in Montréal. Nuff said.)

And, Jenna! Work?!? Puh-leeze! You're not the only one around here with a reputation to uphold! They find out I'm doing any work around here, they'll lock me up and toss the key!


The Village Idiot said...

Lovely voice Kyah. It is fun to hear your friends. I took my voice out from under lock and key and shared.. it was liberating!

Lock-an-Key: What is thrown away once puberty begins or is that just the key?

Jamie Dawn said...

I was scrolling down reading and wondering not IF, but WHEN I'd find the mention of the chastity belt.
Of course, Jenna did the honors. ;-)

Lock & Key: What I would keep my precious jewels and wads of Benjamins under, if I had them.

Kyah: I think that ooot and abooot stuff is cuuuuute.

Fred said...

Lock-and-key: Something I have to stop the boys from getting to my daughters. Without the key.

FirstNations said...

lock and key: an ineffective defense against lock and load. theyway the frightened announce to the world they have things worth stealing.

feeling rather piratical today!

Hobbes said...

Tx for the kind werd's, Mr. P-Doggy, but evryone nos you have a thing for Alice Coopers scratchy hand's!!!!!!!

G said...

Excuse me while I remove this anvil from my head. There, that's much better. Pansi, weirsdo, who are these "people" of which you speak?

Anonymous said...

Jaime Dawn: am i writing my comments in invisible ink again? (just wonderin'...) : P

Kyahgirl said...

whatever are you crazy people talking about with this 'oot and abbboot' stuff?
Jenna, do you get it?

Oh yeah, and 'Go Oilers Go!'

*fans the flames and saunters out*

heh heh

Anonymous said...

Kyah: I have no idea what they're talking about. Pffft. None. I am suddenly reminded though of Joe Canadian's I.Am.Canadian speel. I'm going to go find that.

Doug: An audio blog? Don't push your luck.

OC: Pardonnez-moi. Right. I forgot who I was talking to. Montreal? Oh dear. Tsk.

Why do people keep saying I mentioned the chastity belt? I didn't!! Did I?

Anonymous said...

This one's for Kyah, Anna (when she visits) and all those lurking Canadians. Aboot/oot..Pffft.

I. Am. Canadian

Wooo Game 1 - tonight. Can ya handle it OC?

Consider this my audio blog, Doug.

Anonymous said...

I really gotta remember to do those little blank things to open a new window. Sigh.

I'm the little blue pill, not the little HTML goddess.

Anonymous said...

jenna: that. was. hilarious. : D

Anonymous said...

It's the best beer commercial...EVER, puppytoes. Ever.

G said...

Kyah - Yay! I was just aboot (oops, typo) to clear the dishes when I said "Wait a minute, I need to hear Kyah's story". It was even better in person - and, love the pics. Now, it only would have been wrong if you were eating while watching. I believe popcorn was alluded to somewhere.

Doug The Una said...

O Ceallaigh, that's why I prefer open doors. Less peace, fewer people.

Idiot, you're on the verge there, partner.

Actually Jamie Dawn, it was Puppytoes. I knew it would be Jenna and provoked her when it wasn't.

Fred, repeat after me: 12-guage, double-aught.

First Nations, you understand I see. A little late, though, isn't it?

Pansi, I love Cooper IN JESUS!!!!

G, you need to spend some time at The Pansifiles. Really, it took me a month's worth of posts to figure out what was going on and then I couldn't stop laughing for another hour.

Puppytoes, I saw you. I see you. I've got you.

Kyahgirl, I know how much you enjoyed that. Glad I helped make it happen for you.

Actonbell, you didn't hop near quick enough. HAHAHA!

Jenna, work forbids me from listening bu I'm looking forward to it.

Kyahgirl said...

er, Jenna? I live in an igloo. shhhh.

Sar said...

Mutha & Doug dare to diss Rush? To me?! Oh-no-I-don't-think-so. Punishment for you two? Zip it, lock it, until your taste in music matures and your behavior reflects that. In the meantime, I'll just hold onto this here key.

And I've already done an audio blog for you Doug. Keep this up and you'll get no more!

G - you're okay in my book!

Anonymous said...

So, now I am sitting on my deck, listening to Albert King's "Pretty Woman" reading the comments by many pretty women, and thinking that useless first kid of mine has a lot of neat friends. [No, Doug, I am not flirting - just ruminating]

Kyahgirl said...

Ack! Doug, your Dad's a ruminant!!!

uh, Hi Mr. Pascover :-)

Anonymous said...

Kyah - shh...I say Zee not Zed. Shhh.

G said...

Why Mr Pascover - you are too kind! Would you like a rugelach?

Sar - right back at ya!

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Lock and key? I think that's what they use to secure the stock and barrels, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I get none of it.

k girl was awesome.

Jamie Dawn said...

Your dad called you useless. Does he know something about you that we don't? I wonder...

Well, at least he recognizes what good blog buddies you have. We are a stellar bunch, for sure. :-)

Alana said...

lock and key: the illusion of ownership and protection.

I wonder...are Buddhists allowed to have locks and keys practicing detatchment and all?

Doug The Una said...

Kyahgirl, I knew it!

Sar, you can't resist the call and you know it.

Honestly, Pop. Flirting would be more age-appropriate. You're grounded.

Kyah, more ursine than ovine but note a recent species in any case.

Jenna! Now I am scandalized.

G, you bet he would.

Poobah, you're thinking of scotch tape.

Alice, I'm not sure I meant any of it. Yep, she is.

Jamie Dawn, you should be catching on by now, anyway.

Of course, Square Girl. Where do you think I steal mine?

Minka said...

It is Tuesday ...
how about a post?
And: Happy Anniversary!!!

Doug The Una said...

Ja, ja Minka! Oh, Lord, I'm married?

Minka said... exactly one year ago I stumbled on your oage!
I am shocked that you forgot! Does that mean there will be no flowers, chocolates or other treats awaiting me when I return home?
Are you friggin´ kidding me, Pascover?!

Doug The Una said...

Hit reload! And you mean Colin hasn't flown in on the plane I sent to pick you up? I bet the fool forgot the roses!

Minka said...

Doug, you never should leave such things in the hand of such a smart-me-latch who probably has winked at the stewardess by now and the roses have become the bed of their momentraly passion.
Why did you do that to me? WHY!
Whatever have I done to you?!