Redefining misanthropy for a fresh generation. Standard posts begin with a definition from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary followed by a modern adjustment. Miscellany on Wednesday and storytelling on Saturday.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Ritualism, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.
2005 Update: The discipline of the devoted non-believer.
It is a ritual to me indeed. Guess who is first?
RITUALISM, n. The discipline of the believer as seen by the scoffer, or as endlessly analyzed by the academic.
INSOMNIA, n. When the ritualism of sleep fails you.
Ritualism: The opposite of creativity.
Ritualism: a number of looks and sounds that ChatCat uses to get what he wants out of us.
Ritualism: A hockus-pockus of knee bends and passwords performed to set one's mind at ease.
Ritualism: The series of silly bat taps, squats, and wiggles of MLB players at the plate, matched in spirit by the 7th inning stretch of their equally obsessive fans.
Ritualism: the bane of existence for one afflicted with OCD (just ask my son!); that which is done because of that which is always done in the fear doing otherwise might yield dire results (see Sar's definition above); repetition for benediction
Ritualism: the cock's call of retaliation in its attempt at mating with a trollopy hen.
I wanna do it again!
fool me once, shame on you
fool me twice, shame on me
fool me thrice, it's a ritual!
Ritualism~ Predetermined forms of arm waving and finger pointing and the occasional bow and scrape. Thought to have great significance to the power (or powers) that be. Its efficacy is most readily apparent to those who subscribe to it.
word veri- tdowjus
The dow just dipped.
Ritualism: my morning routine as a farm girl of being up as the sun rises, so that I can feed all of the critters and still have time to enjoy at least one cup of coffee.
Jake, was that the ruckus I heard this morning?...silly rooster. He shouldn't be chasing trollopy hens. ;)
Ritualism: Too often, for too many, the literal meaning of the word religion.
With the Howards this is adhering to the demands of the true boss of the family (sadly it is not me). Nap times are obeyed..strictly. And heaven help you if you're late with a meal.
Jake: My jaw...the floor... Little Blue Pill...speechless.
Cowgirl: Yes he should! Oh yes he should.
Minka, you're regular as a rosary.
O Ceallaigh, sleep is a nasty habit.
Indie, antonyms make a nice break from tradition.
Boy, Dddragon, cats really do think they're gods, don't they. Freaking Egyptians.
Mutha, I'll genuflect to that.
Puppytoes, brilliant! Repitition of Benediction is what I wish I'd written.
Haha, Jake. God bless the bantam and his sense of injustice.
Indie, that's clever and funny. We do have our traditions, don't we.
Logo, rubbing your wallet counts, right?
Cowgirl, life on the farm is as ritualistic as it gets, isn't it? Except for the roosters. No respecters of boundaries, those.
Too often, Joel. It's amazing how much evil a person can do with one hand crossing.
Jenna, "easy for a hen" is a line you should think before crossing. Of course, your will not mine.
repetitive action, not always appreciated by others.
are you calling me a non-believer, dawg? will have to stop throwing you the daily bone
aikzi: a kamakazi alien
That wasn't trollopy jens, now, was it, Jake? Better not have been. She's my trollop, I tell you. Mine! Do the ritual, and go define somebody else's avatar. Cowgirl's, maybe. But don't tell Ethan. He might retaliate.
[That scream was Jenna running in terror. Sorry. She'll be back. And yes I know, selfish was two weeks ago.]
Ritualism: Partaking of Waking Ambrose and Belle every day. A good thing.
Jake and Jenna-get a room! :-)
ritualism: frame holds days in one piece.
Cowgirl, the rooster was probably left with no choice.
Ms. Howard, speechless is only the beginning.
Doug, God bless the bantam indeed.
O'C, she may be your trollop, but she's my hen. As for Cowgirl... I definitely wouldn't hesitate on a good lysing my single-celled rival, I have many weapons in my arsenal. Who's Ethan?
Kyahgirl, only if you come too. I am such a trollop myself.
Doug, BTW- sorry for making your site part of my mating ritual.
Blogger ate my comment. *pout*
I forgot about the daily blog crack ritual. How could I?!?! Gasp. Think I'm sick? (presses hand to forehead...hm a touch warm)
Doug: I'm a trollop...not easy. There's a difference. Not a big one...but there is one. Okay it's really, really fine, but if I squint really hard...I see it.
Damn computer crashed on me! But I am back, BACK I SAY! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Oooooh! A cock fight? FOR SHAME BOHEMIA! FOR SHAME!
Tip to you men... you want a woman to fall for you well, trollop and hen are simply not the choiciest of words, especially for someone as fab as my fellow Ladee Chief Naughty Sexpot, aka Little Blue Pill, aka Jenna... Got it? Hopin' to hear a FO' SHO' comin' my way cause they don't call me Catty Yummy Mummy for nuthin'! K-KISH BABY! K-KISH!!!
Ritualism... well, answer me one thing, ain't the quirk expected by now? Well then there you go!
Shhh, Yummy Mummy. I'm hoping to get them to joust next. I think that would be really cool. *stares blankly over monitor* A joust would be cool.
MizB - Y'all have seen my picture. Can you say "snowball's chance"? Only way I'm getting any gal to fall for me, really, is if she falls on me. That only happens if she's pushed, and then she blames me for the icepack on the ankle. Probably hand me the physician's bill too, with a tip to the lawyer.
I may as well have my trollopy virtual fun and give Mr. Studley in NC a hard time while he's wiping all that drool off his sixpack.
Check with Cowgirl, Jake. The phrase was "my Ethan" if I recall. Doesn't sound like a good candidate for "thrown boy".
trained behavior for the dullard
Jake, this hen is out of the running. Good thing because I'm sure the trollop is going to give you a run for your money. you have to keep your focus on the goal!
Ritualism -- boys poking each other with long sticks, in hopes of winning affection.
"It's called a lance, hello!"
Ritualism:The discipline of the devoted non-believer.
If I may get a word in edgewise. As a devoted believer in discipline, the ritualism surrounding the act is more important the discipline itself.
And I hearby cordial invite Jenna to my blog on Wednesday, for a special eyewitness report on the hurricane, entitled "Oh! Alberto!"(breathy voice) It is right in her baliwick of exper-tease.
Ah yes, Jenna, I can see it now. Special Forces vs. Phat Phycologist. Sir Lancelot (oh the puns, the puns) vs. Falstaff. Jolly good fun. And if I lie, may I never spit white again. (I still remember my high school English teacher trying to explain away that line of Shakespeare, at a time when the truth just simply would not do.)
Doug: i'm basking in the glow of that compliment... *blush*
VI: between your "knight's tale" and "princess bride" references... you crack me up! (not so incontheivable!)
[oh, and Doug? little side note--i got my good friend, karen, to stir up the fires of election fraud on her site (namaste)... care to join me for the "discussion"?]
what? i'm in a linky mood today... and don't mess with me, 'cuz i'm fresh off the first episode of Deadwood and i'm itchin' for a fight! besides... i linked to you, TOO, on "snark". surely that's good for something (i know, stop calling you "shirley") : P
The art of performing things Ad Nauseum.
Karma, this is different.
O Ceallaigh, selfish is forever at least in my experience.
Kyahgirl, Amen and amen. *curtsies*
Or a booksheld, Ariel.
Jake, just so's you crow on time.
Jenna, just as long as you can see it. Old age takes the fine vision.
Here we go, Miz B.
O Ceallaigh, I had no idea paramoeboids could metabolize that much humility. Excrete, friend. Excrete.
A great and cynical definition, Icy. Good doggie!
Village Idiot, thanks for the chuckle.
Brian, you and Diane stay safe. I thought of you when I saw the projected course. It doesn't look like too bad a one but I'm not real optimistic about the help you'll get. 8 months doesn't get you far on the learning curve.
O Ceallaigh, fat biologist who knows Shakespeare has a better than 50% chance with a literary trollop.
Puppytoes, I call 'em like I see 'em. I'll be right over to take the evil side. Link, lady! Link!
Mistress Anna, you're here early. Be gentle. I can't handle too much change. Ad Nauseum seems to be a pretty common mode of performance lately.
Literary trollop, Doug? Surely you don't refer to Mistress Quickly? I don't think anybody here would dispense with ritual that readily.
... the review of the collection, the selection of the vial, the spare application, the genuflection before the altar, the bowing of the head, the lighting of the candle, the covering of the head, the davening, the closing of the ark, the bowing to the east, the emptying of the mind, the ringing of the chime ... xoxo
Thanks Doug for your thoughts. Back in 2004 when Francis and Jeanne came back to back, in Jeanne we had 36 straight hours of 50+ mile an hour sustained winds, with gusts to 80mph. Caused a lot of damage. Alberto looks to be going further north, mostly rain.
The ritual in Florida is to ignore the weather until it is too late. The comes the waiting in gas line ritual, buying beer at sprawlmart ritual, the stockpiling of batteries and can goods to last a decade ritual, you get the picture.
Oooh...just the beginning, Jake? Delish.
Anna, my lifelong friend (gasp, cough, wheeze)...you talking to me?
I don't know, Doug. Jake did call me poultry. Wait! Don't the use chickens in voodoo rituals? Hm...
Very good definition today, Doug. Bierce's "keeping off the grass" was quite good too, also, in addition, as well.
ritualism: spiritual maze running.
Doug I'm always gentle;)
Jenna...never...and yes chickens are used in some voodoo rituals. I knew Anthropology would come in handy.
changeless actions; monotony
Blogger hates me; my comments were gobbled up twice. TWICE!!
I'm with Still Life. Blogger hated me this morning. That's one of bloggers rituals: being mean to me.
My personal ritual is breathing. Just can't seem to give it up.
Kyahgirl, that's too bad I was hoping to get the lock and key, and the problem is I have too many goals.
VI, are you referring to O'C and I? we are merely ritualizing. Kind of like two rams butting heads, though in O'C's case its just butting.
O'C, The might of your wit, may very well joust me from my horse. Don't you know that the "Glory of young men is their strength, and the honor of old men is theier gray hair" I am sure you have much gray hair.
Doug, everyday bright and early... as is my ritual.
Ms. Howard, after speechless comes breathless... you ready? I did refer to you as poultry didn't I? Did I mention you're finger lickin' good?
I think you used the wrong word today, Doug. Looks like the only rituals going on in here are the mating ones. ;)
I'm sorry, isn't this www.loveline.com?
Sar, answering every comment is another of mine. *humble mumble*
Of course not, O Ceallaigh. We're all very proper.
Beautiful prose, Mireille. You go through all that to put on perfume?
Brian, when I lived in Atlanta we were much more proactive. Whenever snow was in the forecast the breadlines started and you couldn't find canned goods on a shelf until after the storm missed us by 100 miles.
Jenna, I think you may have proven him honest.
Hahahahaha, Jamie Dawn. I love it. The Pious Mouse, by Jamie Dawn, coming soon to a children's bookstore near you. Dddragon to illustrate?
Anna, that's a common trait among mistresses.
Still Life, I'm sure blogger just doesn't want things to get boring for you.
TLP, as a born iconoclast I can tell you you're sweet and smart and beautiful for a lump of plastic and springs.
Jake, may as well spread the feathers.
Jenna, some days there is no right word. Moon must be high.
Apparently, Brian, it is. Not for the first time.
took the words right outta my mouth there, brian! jake... do i see...peacock feathers? dude, whoa.
(Doug: amazing response on namaste... and, might i add... amazingly wordy? didn't know ya had it in yo...ah...strike that. i did.) : D
Ritualism: doing it over and over and over and over and over, in hopes of--but never quite--getting it just right.
atjhhek: a titillating (trollopy?) jenna howard has enticed a kindred spirit.
Thanks puppytoes, didn't I read that you live in New England somewhere? We moved down here to Florida in 2000 after 15 years in Mass and Conn.
Went to your blog again, very cute pics.
Thanks Brian (for the compliment)!
We lived in Florida for several years before moving to MA (then Il, PA, and now CT...tho' Joel works in nyc) in fact, we lived in So. Fla when Hurricane Andrew hit (i did a 2 hour doc on the aftermath). Good times. not. (too stinkin' hot down there, and, i don't know if you know this or not, but they have hurricanes down there. bad ones. and i'm not just talking about UM athletes!)
That is too funny.We lived in East Haven for 10 years and I worked for Rite Aid the same 10 years, and the last five years worked on the road, a lot in NYC.
Gotta sign off now, going home through the rain, I'll catch up with y'all tommorrow. P.S. better than snow!!!!
Brian: small world, right? as for rain vs snow...you're right, rain is much better! (in small-not-fueled-by-hurricane-force-wind amounts)
Ritualism: neurotic, obsessive compulsive behavior, justified in sanctuary.
PS. Doug I've started blogging again :)
Ritualism: What I practice everry morning. It starts with making coffee.
Ritualism: checking certain blogs several times a day to see if there are new comments.
Ritualism: The act of going to the refrigerator time after time - expecting something delicious to have appeared since the last look.
Lump? Whatchutalkin'bout boy? I ain't no lumpa nothin'. Oh. Wait. I am a bit lumpy.
Most of us practice morning rituals. Unitarians do coffee as a ritual. But of course, that ritualism is right and good.
richalism - the consistent and annoying habit of kowtowing exclusively to the rich.
I'm grounded but I do not care [Doug can vouch for that viewpoint] TLP, I don't care if you are married, or plastic, or both. I intend to flirt with cha.
How long has that new header been up there? I just noticed it...poor Doug.
Thanks, Puppytoes. I had fun over there today.
Em, that's very a very clever and personal definition. Welcome back.
Squaregirl, I think TLP has just the church for you.
Cowgirl, may God bless you and keep you, may he make his face shine onto you and be gracious unto you. Amen.
Terry, you'd be surprised how often that works.
Actonbell, watch out you don't get fat.
TLP, I was talkinabout Pez dispensers. You heard me, woman!
Poobah, I clearly cowtow to rich and poor in spirit and flesh.
Et tu, Dad?
Congratulations, Squaregirl, you are the first to see it and comment.
hello? that header has not been up long! of that i am quite certain... (i'm guessin' it went up around the same time things took a turn for the tawdry around here). hmmmm. who knew lively intellectual banter could foster so much sexual tension?
i like it.
LOL on your new blog title! Yes, your readers are using you now. "Get up, stand up... stand up for your rights..."
RFK, jr. is on "The Colbert Report" tonight... hmmm?
Lovely new title, Doug.
I especially like the by-line.
Doug- it was all Ms. Howard's fault.
Il n'est pas ? Est-ce qu'alors pourquoi je suis distillateur ici ?
You're correct, Puppytoes. It had only been up maybe five minutes before Squaregirl noticed. Good eye.
Thanks, Sister AP3. I'd say more out of balance than used. I want everyone to have fun here but I'm concerned that those of us who have been enjoying our time together for a long time are getting pushed a little to the margins.
Thanks, Little Blue Pill. I aim to please.
I know it, Jake. I know. I forget myself around little blue pills sometimes myself.
Chatham, I don't speak French but lemme try: It isn't? Then why am I making whiskey here?
Waking Ambrose will return soon. I'm laughing too hard right now.
Is it a full moon?
puppytoes: Empty bottle Eh? Ya today the conversation in here seems to be a little bit of "Spin the Bottle" from the looks of it.
I don't know, but those cracks on the sidewalk always bother me.
what does "Ce N'est Pas Un Bordello" mean? (the rest I understand.)
Mistress Anna, probably. That would explain the fur on my ears.
Distillateur, Puppytoes? That's hysterical!
Cooper, I still avoid them and try to take five steps between crossing them. I'm not a well man.
Ariel, it means "This is not a bordello" It's a play on a famous painting by René Magritte. Here is an explanation, stolen for your benefit from Wikipedia:
"A consummate technician, his work frequently displays a juxtaposition of ordinary objects, or an unusual context, giving new meanings to familiar things. The representational use of objects as other than what they seem is typified in his painting, The Treachery Of Images (La trahison des images), which shows a pipe that looks as though it is a model for a tobacco store advertisement. Magritte painted below the pipe, This is not a pipe (Ceci n'est pas une pipe), which seems a contradiction, but is actually true: the painting is not a pipe, it is an image of a pipe. (In his book, This Is Not a Pipe, French critic Michel Foucault discusses the painting and its paradox.)"
mistress anna: spinning the "bottle" after they polished off its contents... and i *think* the header means "this is not a whore house". (tho' i could be wrong!)
And don't look at me that way, I haven't read Foucault. I think he's French, though.
alas, Doug, i spoke too late. apparently you had no need of me. sigh
(and, if Foucault wasn't French, he should have been.)
Ha, ha, haaaa! LOVE that header!
Watch it y'all! When my big brotha is mad, spanking are to... um... scratch that...
PEOPLE BEHAVE ALREADY! Oh and you trouble makers know who you are!
See hermanito! Bohemians need to stick up for their familia fo' sho'! FO' SHO'!
thank you. so it means, this is not what it looks like even though it does look like that. :-P
Everytime I hear the word "ritual" or "tradition" I think of the film of Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" in which a farming community selects one person to be stoned to death each year. In high school it was the most requested film by us students. We liked the stoning scene.
Religion: The process by which unknown and knowable facts become known and unknowable facts.
I can't believe I was blamed.
This little blue pill is going to go sulk for awhile.
Puppytoes, why no need? Between you and Wikipedia I got it covered.
¡Claro que si, Hermanita!
Clever girl, Ariel. Yes.
One person, Indie? They sound pretty forgiving for farmers.
Atarxia, that's a great definition. I'm trying to guess if you are, in fact, Indie or Weirsdo.
Jenna, if you're still sulking in more than four hours, consult your physician. You were a victim. An innocent victim.
lazy bugger: n. person not accustumed to having posts up at the expected time
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