Monday, April 03, 2006


RANK, n. Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.
He held at court a rank so high
That other noblemen asked why.
"Because," 'twas answered, "others lack
His skill to scratch the royal back."
—Aramis Jukes

2006 Update: A measure of the deference and attention allocated by investigators, journalists and thieves.

Big News: Longtime readers will remember a Wednesday guest, Julie from Julie Goes to Hollywood, an aspiring screenwriter. Julie has transitioned to Screenwriter under contract to Universal. Congratulations to her. Hopefully her blog will let us know the title of her upcoming film so we can all go to it and tell the stranger next to us "I knew her when she was nuthin'!"


Sar said...

Today I rank number one fan of Waking Ambrose - I'm first!

Sar said...

Oh, and congratulations Julie! Let your casting director know if they need an extra who's pale as a ghost, I'm their go to gal. ;)

Indeterminacy said...

Congratulations to Waking Ambrose alumni Julie! It looks like Doug is a great reference to have on your resume!

Rank: the higher the polital rank, the ranker the smell.

Mutha said...

You beat me to the offensive smell angle Indeterminacy...sigh.

TLP said...

Rank, n., One's station in life. See lowest of the low.

adj., Smelly. See smells like a wet dawg.

Doug The Una said...

Well, this is an auspicious day. Maybe Julie needs a stilletto shoe for her film. Every great story has a heel.

Indie, you ain't lying.

Mutha, outrun but never outranked.

TLP, a woman's wet dawg is a man's rose. And on a good day, visa-versa.

Anonymous said...

RANK,n. Social triage, distinguished by initial determinaton of a financial pulse.

Unknown said...

Not so long ago, Douglas, you were a rank stranger to me. Now you're stranger than fiction

Unknown said...

.... yeaaaaahhhhh Julie! attagirl!

Anonymous said...

Julie, congrats!

It's Monday, and I got nuthin, I tell ya, NUTHIN.
If a flash of brilliant overtakes me in a flying tackle I shall return and share with you all.

In the meantime,
If any of you haven't been to Belle of the Brawl lately this is a GREAT time to stop by!
Over in the right hand tool bar you can vote for my caption in the contest this week. Voting ends today!
Voting is an important right, you know, you should exercise it...on my behalf!

Doug The Una said...

Good definition, Duxfine, I'd add the likelihood of profuse bleeding.

Karma, I made me up. Cogito ergo sum fabula. Thanks for sharing the love with Julie.

Logo, since you're running against Shayna and Karma I have to stay publicly neutral, but you absolutely deserve a crown.

Cowgirl, that's funny that rank means different things in your two worlds. Well, maybe not that different.

Omnipotent Poobah said...

Rank, combined with a "p" spells prank and isn't that really what rank is all about?

The Village Idiot said...

now while logo is trying shamelessly to increase her ranking in the caption contest, I am taking the upper hand and chosing to ignore this rank display of self-promotion

Remember to vote for my caption and all your wildest dreams will come true

Julie Goes to Hollywood said...

Thanks to all FODs (Friends of Doug). You all rank with me. Especially The Top Seed, Doug, who stuck out all the bellyaching over what it took to sell a script in this town. And I do promise details forthcoming. I try to be a little cagey with the details, you know, so that I can feel free to slam bigger men than I for their Hollywood ways with impunity.

Doug The Una said...

I don't doubt it, Cowgirl.

Which is how you became omnipotent, Poobah, no doubt.

Village Idiot, I always fear the dream that comes true.

Hey, Julie! I'm proud of you. Stay cagey. Maybe drop a hint when we have tickets to buy.

dddragon said...

yeah, the stinky useage of this word is what came to my mind. In fact, for some reason the lyrics from one of the songs in the play 1776 is now rattling around in my head (oh, no, an earworm!)

Molasses to rum to slaves
Who sails the ships back to Boston
Ladened with gold, see it gleam
Whose fortunes are made in the triangle trade
Hail slavery, the New England dream!
Mr. Adams, I give you a toast:
Hail Boston! Hail Charleston!
Who stinketh the most?

Anonymous said...

Wow...all I can think of is the milk in my fridge and how it's quite rank. (VERY rank actually...)

I think it's time to go grocery shopping. Milk is ranking high up on the list of things to buy.

Ariel the Thief said...

rank is like a necklace with diamonds, more concern than pleasure.

TLP said...

Good one Ariel.

Douglas, are you trying to pull rank on me? A rose is a rose is a rose, and a wet dawg is rank.

Anonymous said...

How April smells.

Jamie Dawn said...

Big time congrats to Julie! That is awesome! I love it when someone carries out their dream and finally sees their work come to fruition. Much success to her!

Rank: Simba, our dog. Poor old girl smells to high heaven, regardless of baths. I hope when I'm an old lady that I don't smell like that.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Julie!

My favorite Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, IOLANTHE, has much to say on rank. Two of my favorite moments are when the peers enter singing, "Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes. / Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow ye masses," and later when a song with this verse describes the role of the House of Lords:
When Wellington thrashed Bonaparte, as every child can tell,
The House of Peers throughout the war
Did nothing in particular
And did it ve---ry well.

Anonymous said...

I have been so "underwhelmed" by life lately that my creative juices have pretty much relegated themselves to balancing checkbooks...that is "RANK" to me...

I shall return...

Minka said...

Seems like Julie is climbing the rank of fame quite well. Being a soon to be actor in a television series here in oh-so-important Iceland...I understand the achievement. ;)
Sorry, any excuse to tell that story :)
And I better go voting now!
I will of course vote for the one I think is best, nobody can tempt me with wild dreams ;) I usually can´t run in my dreams when followed by frightneing creatures! Thought I mention :)

Doug The Una said...

Dddragon, you are SO REFINED!!! The one that ranks highest?

Jenna, I find it more convenient to learn to love sour cream.

Ariel, that's what I wish I'd written. *clap, clap*

TLP, which one's quieter? Let's go by that.

Brittney, play nice!

Isn't it great, Jamie Dawn? Poor Simba's family. I'm guessing Simba's fine.

Weirsdo, I suspect light opera is a "guilty pleasure" for you. Especially in English.

Princess, I'm delighted to hear from you. Maybe once the checkbook's balanced things get exciting?

Glad you brought that up, Minka. You and Julie, being on similar arcs should really collaborate. Julie, can you write in Icelandic?

Anonymous said...

I wandered again to my home in the mountain
Where in youth's early days I was happy and free
I looked for my friends but I never could find them
I found they were all rank strangers to me.

Ev'rybody I met seemed to be a rank stranger
No mother or dad not a friend could I see
They knew not my name and I knew not their faces
I found they were all rank strangers to me.

They all moved a way, said a voice of a stranger
"To that bautiful home by the bright crystal sea"
Some beautiful day I'll meet 'em in heaven
Where no one will be a stranger to me.

Ev'rybody I met seemed to be a rank stranger
No mother or dad not a friend could I see
They knew not my name and I knew not their faces
I found they were all rank strangers to me.

Bob Dylan

Anonymous said...

Rank - I don't know but google has yours and mine and some people seem to like the check theirs several times a day.

Something invented so that faux news journals could place random nouns (colleges, people, businesses, food flowers) in some kind of order, take pictures of them and sell more advertising.

Julie Goes to Hollywood said...

It is a true Hollywood irony that the elevation of human position can be so closely related to something that smells bad. What's that about being careful for what you've wished for? Whatever, I plan to enjoy my stinky ride to the top of the showbiz heap. Thanks again for all your nice thoughts. Haven't have this much fun since my Wednesday guest gig. JGTH

Lila said...

Yeah, Indie kinda beat me to it. My first thought was:

rank, n. The smell of hierarchy.

Doug The Una said...

Yeah, Actonbell. That Dddragon sure is REFINED!!!

Shayna, I love that song but is it really Dylan. I thought it was Bluegrass.

Cooper, as a CEO in social services I like to think of myself as perpendicular to rank.

Julie, I'm honestly really proud of you but what are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be at Skandia telling Colin Farrell you aren't that kind of girl anymore?

Aral, Very good definition. New phrasing is a new definition.

Anonymous said...

Bluegrass????? Nope it's really Dylan... oh you break my heart!!! "Rank Strangers to Me"

anyway... you can bring the dogs...

Come to my party
It's my Birthday... wouldn't be a Birthday without you!  Help celebrate my
last year as a 20-something!!!!

Doug The Una said...

Shayna, I'm trying to come. The lights are off at your place.