Thursday, September 16, 2010

Decalogue

DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number — just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice. Following is the revised edition of the Decalogue, calculated for this meridian.
Thou shalt no God but me adore:
'Twere too expensive to have more.

No images nor idols make
For Robert Ingersoll to break.

Take not God's name in vain; select
A time when it will have effect.

Work not on Sabbath days at all,
But go to see the teams play ball.

Honor thy parents. That creates
For life insurance lower rates.

Kill not, abet not those who kill
Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.

Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless
Thine own thy neighbor doth caress

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete
Successfully in business. Cheat.

Bear not false witness — that is low —
But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."

Covet thou naught that thou hast not
By hook or crook, or somehow, got.
G.J.
2010 Update: The ten commandments as described by scholarly atheists who observe the laws in failure rather than in speech.

14 comments:

the amoeba said...

Jesus of Nazareth is famous for reducing the ten commandments down to two - thus calling into question Bierce's claim about an "intelligenet selection for observance". (Then again, literacy rates were higher in Bierce's time - after the printing press and before the iPad).

He is also famous for calling for people to 'take the logs out of your own eyes.'

Now you know to which logs he was referring.

pia said...

I shall remember these and maybe post them in a place worthy of remembering :)
I keep meaning to tell TLP that I went to a memorial service at a Unitarian society and it was wonderful!!!!

Anonymous said...

commandments like locks
are there only too keep
honest folks honest...

as for success in business
and the cheating some undertake

Capitalism and Christianity
are as far part as
the north and south poles
yet some,ie gop,
have had success in
combining the two,
so one feels that it was
gods' will
as retirement plans are
systematically raped
by the
high priests of Capitalism...

peace

w/v..teatter
drinker of
poison laced
kool-aid

Thom said...

DECALOGUE, n. - Thou shall not vote for:

Nancy Pelosi
Harry Reid
Daniel Inouye
Neil Abercrombie
Jerry Brown
Barbara Boxer
Chuck Schumer
Russ Feingold
Rahm Emanuel
Mufi Hanneman

TLP said...

I hear ya Pia! It's true.

Decalogue: signs, signs, everywhere signs. Sayin' do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?
(5 man electrical band)

Tom & Icy said...

I see the irony if irony is presenting opposite views at the same time, or something like that. It seems ironic to me that YouTube has suspended me because of my weird sense of humor, but they have sent me five or six emails offering to pay me if I continue to post videos. I can't respond or post because they have me suspended. Is catch 22 like irony?

karen a. said...

Oh, I see Icy!

Ariel the Thief said...

Tom, I email them for you if you want me, forward their email to me, I can let them know the situation. It is really funny!

karen a. said...

Say Hallelujah!! After six (or seven) long months, Ice Grapefruit's photos are now back on Flickr!!!

Do ask for her help, Tom. I'm sure she's more than familiar.

quilly said...

The Ten Commandments of my childhood:

Take out the garbage.
Wash the dishes.
Feed the dog.
Mow the lawn.
Weed the garden.
Dust the bric-a-brac.
Do the ironing.
Wash the laundry.
Get the mail (newspaper).
Do your homework.

Doug said...

Amoeba, I think the text message is responsible for declining literacy. I'm reserving judgement on the iPad. Until I get one, then I won't care.

Pia, ground zero?

Bear, that was some post to end with "peace."

Thom, I'm trying to see what your list has in common.

TLP, that song is getting a second life in blog comments.

Tom, great to hear from you. I'm not sure what irony, catch-22 or YouTube mean. In that sense, yes, they are the same.

Wow, Karen, and he isn't even in Wikipedia.

Ariel, they problem just want to trap him.

Quilly, that sounds more manageable than not coveting.

Anonymous said...

sometimes, Doug, there is peace in truth...peace

Thom said...

They are all Democrats LOL :) At least I think :)

cooper said...

Finer than the commandments I was given, this poem.