Tuesday, September 21, 2010


ETIQUETTE, n. A code of social rites, ceremonies and observances, constituting a vulgarian's claim to toleration. The fool's credentials.
When first society was founded,
It was discovered as time sped,
That men of sense and taste abounded,
But they were mostly dead.
While, of the women fitted to adorn
The social circle, few had yet been born.

Those, then, that met were rather lonely
And scarce could call themselves "our set";
So they, to swell their numbers only,
Invented etiquette,
And said "Such fools as will observe these rules
May meet us, though they're all the greater fools."

Straightaway the fools then fell to study
The laws of conduct a la mode,
And though their minds were somewhat muddy
They soon had learned the code.
Then seeing its authors hadn't, plainly told them
They'd make society too hot to hold them.
2010 Update: The cultural approach to sequestration by which every human and dog can be elite. The great smallness.


Anonymous said...

i am first
i am first
guess it is my time
at the top of the que

thank you all
(good etiquette
to remember my


TLP said...

Rules that let you dunk donuts in your coffee, but not in your beer.

quilly said...

You know, I wish my dad had read this poem. He was a woodsman and made his living logging, but but the Queen of England could have eaten at our table and never lifted an eyebrow at our table manners -- unless of course she happened to pick up the wrong spoon for her soup, because then dad would have walloped her with his knife handle -- an action which I am certain is not in Emily Post's book of genteel manners.

Anonymous said...

ETIQUETTE, n. - It has disappeared in D.C. I enjoyed the poem :)

actonbell said...

Etiquette is not double-dipping in chip dip, unless it's just with your hubby. But do not, under any circumstances, dip anything in his beer.

There's a blog called Etiquette Hell that's most interesting.

Jim said...

In my next life I think I'd like to be an etiquette cop. Internet policing is becoming a crowded specialty but the violators of common Enternet coutessy are increasing faster than the cops. Similar to the great immigration effect.

Table manners and bathroom hand washing etiquette are also appealing and growing fields for etiquette cops.
My dining specialty would be to enforce the rule of when you pass the salt, keep the pepper shaker with it. I.e. pass them both.

Jim said...

Some help for tomorrow, Doug. Tomorrow will be the first day of Fall. That's only 25 minutes away here in Texas. Whoopee!

Got to thinking about that when I thought of Internet etiquette policing.
I am a Ham radio person. We have airwave broadcasting etiquette cops. They are the O.O.'s (Official Observers). No one wants a notice from them.

cooper said...

My grandmother used to say,

"Etiquette's and affect, but manners I expect."

Ariel the Thief said...

LOL @Actonbell! I'd love to hear that story.

emouse - one that falls into atoms then puts itself together again in the opposite corner?

Doug said...

Bear, the bowing could be a little deeper, but otherwise, good job.

TLP, its just not fair to beer which might like donuts, given a chance.

Quilly, you have to think among the better homes and families, the whomp with the carving knife is silent.

Thanks, Thom. Good thing you live in Hawai'i, huh?

Actonbell, I'm noticing that Pez family etiquette seems particularly protective of beer.

Jim, that might not be bad. I had no idea anyone was even trying.

Cooper, so I guess one manner was not to be too pretentious?

Ariel, That would be a particularly sneaky mouse, although I bet you could still catch it with peanut butter.